How To Deal With Work Place Stress By Mr. Nilesh Mandlecha

Psychologist and
M.B.A.
(Human Resource Development)

 One of the major sources of
anxiety and stress is our
work.
 Finding a low-stress job is not
easy.
 In fact, it may be almost
impossible.

 Many of us have no idea what kind of job would
suit us, taking into account all the things we
desire in our prospective dream job.
 We often don’t have a clue as to how to go about
finding out all this information about a new job.
 It is difficult to know in advance what kind of job
in what kind of organization will make you happy,
unless you actually start working and
experiencing all the positive and negative sides
of your new job.
 There is the inertia, the pain and the effort of
looking for another job.

 If you enjoy what you do, you are among the very few
lucky ones.
 There are of course many reasons for staying in a
job that you don’t particularly like.
 The salary, the status, the prestige, the benefits, the
perks and the pension…
All these can keep you tied down to a job regardless
of the unhappiness and the stress.
 The alternative solution is to find a job you like or
one that better matches your talents, aptitude, skills,
abilities and interests. It is very difficult task, easier
said than done.

 All important and significant people in my life MUST
treat me considerately, courteously, kindly and fairly
at
all times (instead of I dislike being treated unfairly by
others or taken advantage of) just as I would wish
them
to, or else I CAN’T STAND IT.
 If people don’t treat me nicely, they are evil and
SHOULD be severely punished and blamed for their
hideous treatment of me.
 This kind of thinking leads to feelings of
vengefulness,
rage and inclination towards violence. Similarly,
other
people MUST not thwart my goals in life and MUST
not block my progress in any way.

 Things and conditions absolutely MUST be the
way I want them to be and MUST never be too
difficult or frustrating.
 Conditions at my workplace MUST not be too
hard. Otherwise, life is AWFUL, TERRIBLE,
HORRIBLE, CATASTROPHIC and UNBEARABLE,
and I CAN’T STAND IT.
 Similarly, it will be TERRIBLE and AWFUL if I lose
my job (in place of it will be problematic,
inconvenient, to my disadvantage and
troublesome if I lose my job).

 I MUST get whatever I want and whenever I want
it, and I MUST not get what I don’t want.
 It’s AWFUL, TERRIBLE and HORRIBLE if I don’t
get what I want, and I WON’T BE ABLE TO STAND
IT.
 These kinds of beliefs lead to low frustration
tolerance, self-pity, anger, depression and to
behaviors such as procrastination, avoidance
and inaction.

We are all acquainted
with stress.
We experience it in
varying kinds every day.

We feel stressed
when the demands
we confront…
Appear to exceed
our capabilities to
cope with them.

One of the major sources of
stress is our work.
Finding a low-stress job is
not easy.
In fact, it may be almost
impossible.
A more practical and sensible choice therefore
would be to adopt effective strategies to cope
with stress at work and reduce stress…

The
possibility
of not
getting a
promotion

The salary, the status, the
prestige, the benefits, the
perks and the pension…
all these can keep you tied
down to a job regardless of the
unhappiness and the stress.

Examples of Anxiety (Self Anxiety)
1) If I fail to convince high profile customer
2) If I fail to deliver set standard of call in
joint work with my senior
3) If I fail to do perfectly in my call every time
4) Not feeling prepared at all for the call
5) Not doing as good as others doing
6) If I am being negatively judged as a non
performer

1) If I go blank during the call or presentation
2) If I become anxious during the call or
presentation
3) I am 'feeling' not prepared for call or
presentation
4) I am experiencing negative consequences
of failure or of not doing well during the
call or presentation
Examples of Anxiety (Discomfort
Anxiety)

 Not given the work as per my caliber
 Repeatedly allocating you work shifts at odd
times. Posted you in difficult market i.e. non
performing area Patna, Guwahati, Satara, Saangli
 Boss deliberately inform you on Friday evening
about important work to be submitted on
Monday, so one has to work from home on
Saturday and Sunday or Asking to come over on
weekends and on official holidays for work
 Not granted and sanctioned holidays
 Not sanctioning bills on time
 Conflicts and non cooperation among team
members thus overload of work
Examples of Anger or Hostility:

 Booking flights and train tickets which are not comfortable
to you in terms of timings or days.
 Indifference, favoritism and politics (Promoted Junior and
incompetent person because he is just good to boss)
 New reportee not so serious about work
 Interdepartmental Conflicts: One of the employee got
insulted by Marketing Head and cornered him for one
reference
 Vendor at the time of order showed qualitative product but
at the time of supply delivered compromised quality and
then I have being questioned
 Abusive boss
Examples of Anger:

Examples of Depression:
• Received Less increment than
expected
• Two people were reporting to you
and now there reporting is taken
away from you
• Loss of Power - Due to Centralization
and formalization of organization you
have lost many of important
powerful responsibilities

 Incompetent colleagues got promotion and despite of me
working hard denied the promotion
 Not calling for important meetings (Neglected)
 Colleague Blasted on me in front of boss and boss was
indifferent and silent
 Falsely being charged even when I have not made
mistake
 Fired even when it’s not my mistake
 Despite of working very hard on “Project” boss has
removed you from the almost finished project and given
to somebody else.
 Despite of doing excellent presentation and being
endorsed by attendees still award given to undeserved
person.
Examples of Hurt:

 You have fired somebody and feel
guilty about it
 You have removed subordinate from
the job and feeling guilty
 You have stolen office stationary and
taken home and mother questioned at
home (Shame and guilt)
Examples of Guilt:

 Failed in important task due to my mistake and
that got revealed to everybody
 Cried in front of boss or everybody
 Fired in front of everybody or group
 Laughed on my ideation
 You are being fired from the job/Made a mock of
it
 Caste revealed
 Poor financial condition revealed
 Fake degree revealed
 You are being arrested
Examples of Shame

Examples of Envy:
• Junior Colleague got promotion and I have not
• Important crème work is given to colleague and
you have given unimportant work
• New resources came in company and my colleague
got most of it
• For foreign trip my colleague is nominated and not
me
• My boss is taking gifts at his home and giving very
little to me

 Environmental factors
 Economic uncertainty
 Political uncertainty
 Technological uncertainty
 Organizational factors
 Task demands
 Role demands
 Interpersonal demands
 Organizational structure
 Organizational leadership
 Organization's life stage
 Individual factors
 Family problems
 Economic Problems
 Personality

 Administrative policies and strategies
 Downsizing : Anger, Anxiety and Depression
 Competitive pressure: Anxiety
 Merit pay plans: Anxiety
 Rotating work shifts: Anger
 Bureaucratic rules: Anger and Hurt
 Advanced technology: Anger and Anxiety

 Organizational structure and design
 Centralization and formalization : Anger and
Anxiety
 Line-staff conflicts: Anger , Hurt, Envy
 Specialization: Anger and Anxiety
 Role ambiguity and conflict: Frustration, Anger,
Hurt, Anxiety
 No opportunity for promotion: Depression, Hurt
 Restrictive, untrusting culture: Hurt and Anger
Frustration, Anxiety, Fear

 Organizational Processes
 Tight controls : Anger , Fear
 Only downward communication: Fear and
Feeling of resentment
 Little performance feedback: Frustration , Feeling
of indifference
 Centralized decision making : Anger
 Lack of participation in decisions: Hurt, Anger,
Depression
 Punitive appraisal system: Anger, Hurt

“People are disturbed
not by a thing, but by
their perception of a
thing.”

Peak Performance
Stress
Performance Optimum
Casual approach Health Issues
भय से भक्ति करे सब,
भय से पूजा होय।
भय पारस है जीव को,
निभभय होय ि कोय॥
भय बबि भाव ि उपजे,
भय बबि होय ि प्रीिी।
जब ह्रदय से भय गया,
मिटी सकल रस रीनि॥
Poor
Performance
Poor
Performance

Emotions
Healthy
Negative Emotions - HNE
(Choice Opening Emotions)
Unhealthy
Negative Emotions – UNE
(Choice Blocking Emotions)
Less Intense More Intense
Situation Thoughts
Baat ki
Baat
Baat ka
Batangad
Flexibility : Acceptance of
Reality
Rigidity: Non acceptance of
Reality
Tolerable (HFT)
Intolerable
(LFT)
Focus on things which
are not under my control
Focus on things
which are under
my control
Labeling and Mislabeling
Unconditional Acceptance of
Self, Others & Life

 It’s terrible that I may not get promoted
 It’s terrible that my wife no longer love
me
 It’s terrible that I am not as efficient an
executive as I would like to be
 It’s terrible that the Board of Directors
knows I loused up that stock deal we
almost made

 It’s terrible that the lousy president of our
company doesn’t appreciate me enough!
 It’s terrible that my co-workers keep
behaving stupidly or inefficiently!
 It’s terrible that those idiots on the Board of
Directors think I loused up that big stock
deal when I really didn’t
 It’s terrible that my boss treated me unfairly

 It’s terrible that marriage is such a difficult state
that I can’t possibly live happily with my wife
 It’s terrible that things are so arranged that it’s
impossible for me to be a truly efficient executive
 It’s terrible that the board of directors keep seeing
me as stupid when I am really brilliant!

Risk taking and
Decision Making
Rational and Irrational
Beliefs

I guarantee you that
you will stay
indecisive and
uncreative as long
as you demand
guarantee…
- Windy Dryden

Indecisiveness is
almost always
once dire needs
for approval
- Albert Ellis

Think about one specific
conflict which is going on in
your mind and your
indecisive (Conflict) and
confused about it.
(You don’t have to tell me)

 Pay the price without grumbling about it
 You cannot take choices of others. You can
suggest others or significant others choices but
decision will be theirs'. You can try to influence
decision of significant others what your efforts
does not give guarantee of success. If
significant others are connected to your life
then while paying the price about some of their
choices you are also party to it some extent or
sometime large extent.

Problem –
Sushant is sales manager and
30 people reporting to him.
One of his subordinate who is
delinquent (antisocial) and not
sending reports on time.. he
wanted to fire him but in two
minds.. To be or not to be

Irrational Beliefs Rational Beliefs
“I just can’t hurt him
anyways. I can’t bear
thinking of how hard it
will be on his wife and
family. It is terrible that
I have to decide
whether or not to get
rid off this salesman! I
can’t stand the thought
of his hating me in
case I let him go.
Wouldn’t it be unfortunate if
I had to fire this man? His
wife and family will suffer
by my action and I wouldn’t
like them to suffer for his
delinquencies. He will be
probably hate my guts if I
fire him and I wouldn’t want
him to hate me like that.

Rational and
Irrational Beliefs
Behind Decision
Making

Discomfort anxiety :
I must be certain my
decision is right
Ability to act decisively:
I’d like to be certain that
this decision of mine is
right but I don’t need
such certainty.
Since I don’t control the
world there is no way I
can be certain of the
outcome of any
decisions I may take.

“Its terrible not
knowing how many
decision will turn
out to be incorrect”
Can create outcome
with adequate concern:
Its not terrible but a
matter of some concern
to me that the outcome
of my decision cannot
be predicted with
certainty.’
That’s the way life is,
there is no certainty

IB’s Rational Beliefs
Discomfort
anxiety :
I cant stand
this feeling of
uncertainty
Can tolerate uncertainty:
It’s not unbearable that
uncertainty exist in the
world, and there is no
reason why it shouldn’t
exist. What exist, exists.
I may not like it but I can
definitely stand it.

Indecision:
I must
perform well
and win the
approval of
important
people in the
organization.
Self acceptance:
‘I prefer to do well and
win the approval of
significant people but
there is no reason
why I absolutely must
do’

Ego anxiety:
If I fail to do well
and win approval
I am an
inadequate
person.
Flexible Thinking and
Motivating:
If at times I fail to do well
and win the approval that
only proves that I am a
fallible human being. I can
still accept myself in spite
of my failure and learn from
my mistakes to do better in
future

Examples of Hostility:
1) You hate your wife for insisting on eating
in cheaper rather than in finer restaurants.
2) You hate your sister for being addicted to
musical comedies.
3) You bitterly resent the other executives in
your company who are trying to be
president and who want to keep you at the
vice-president level.

• You are insisting that you feel a
certain way about things and
that others therefore should
feel the same way you do.
• But you do not run the
universe and there is no
reason whatever that other
people should go along for
your ride.

 Your hostility consequently does not stem
from their differences with or even opposition
to you.
 It is caused by your refusal to accept those
differences and that opposition and by your
trying to dictate that everything go exactly the
way you want it to go.
 If you would keep your desire but surrender
your dictatorial attitude, you would still have
your own point of view, and you might well
strongly assert yourself to have it fulfilled.

 Anger(Hostility) hijack your logic -
Lack of hostility is particularly
desirable for you, as an executive,
because otherwise your anger will
frequently block your way no matter
how good are your goals and how
intelligently you are trying to pursue
them.

 Expressing Anger or Suppressing
both create problems -
Your hostility against higher-ups boss
or one of the officers of your
company, either you will tend to
communicate this feeling to him,
which won’t be very good for you! or
else you will keep it to yourself, and
perhaps produce an ulcer- which also
won’t be very good!

 This means that you would better accept the fact
that your superiors are not angels and that
instead they are frequently disturbed or peculiar
in various ways; that you can expect them to do
many wrong, stupid things, that no matter what
their errors are, you would best either ignore
them or bring them tactfully to their attention.
 Just the fact that you are efficient and let us
suppose that you are, there is no good reason for
you to demand that everyone else in your
organization, including the higher –ups, be
equally competent and capable.

 And even when, by their foolishness or their
lack of ability, they prevent you from acting
the way you would like to act and from
advancing as much as you would like to
advance, that’s tough!
 But that’s the way of the world, and often
there is nothing reconstructive, particularly in
the short run, that you can do about it.
 This is often even truer for a good many of the
people who work on your level or under you.
It cannot exactly be said that all employees
are incompetent or goofing. Not exactly; but
very largely!

 What is the main point I am making here?
That almost all human beings naturally find
it easy to be lethargic, goofing,
sidetracking, and ineffectual.
 Therefore, if you really want to be an
efficient executive and to avoid becoming
continually angry and upset, you would
better face that reality.

Handling Criticism
Ego Disturbance and
Discomfort Disturbance

Irrational Belief Rational Belief
Ego Disturbance:
I must not be
criticised and
blocked from getting
what I must have.
If I don't get
promoted or salary
rise then I am no
good
Ego Health:
I would much prefer not to be criticized
but if I am criticized for a poor
performance or because the Chief
Executive thought I could have done
better and the promotion I expected is
blocked and I don’t receive that salary
raise I expected that is too bad.
My performance is being criticized
doesn’t mean that I am no good unless
I myself foolishly think so.
I am fallible human being who on this
occasion has failed to reach a certain
standard and has been criticised .
Now let me see how I can use this
criticism to correct my shortcomings

Irrational Belief Rational Belief
Discomfort Disturbance:
I must not be criticised
and blocked from getting
what I must have.
If I don't get promoted or
salary rise I want, then I
would be deprived and I
cant stand that!
Discomfort Tolerance:
I would much prefer not to be
criticised because I very much
wanted to win that promotion or at
least salary rise but I didn’t . So I
am deprived!
My performance was criticised and
I certainly don’t like that but I can
obviously stand it.
May be now I would better sit
down and figure how to profit from
the criticisms I have received so
that I stand a better chance of
getting what I want in future

Irrational Belief
(Shame)
Rational Belief
(Disappointment)
Rigid Belief:
I absolutely
should not have
revealed a
weakness by
crying in front of
my boss
Flexible Belief:
I wish that I hadn’t
revealed a weakness
by crying in front of
my boss, but there is
no reason why I
absolutely shouldn’t
have done so

Irrational Belief
(Shame)
Rational Belief
(Disappointment)
Self Depreciation
Belief:
If I show a weakness
to my boss by crying
in front of him, then I
am a weak, defective
person.
Unconditional Self
Acceptance Belief:
If I cry in front of my
boss and thus reveal a
weakness to him, this
does not make me a
weak, defective person.
Rather I am a fallible
human being who on
this occasion acted
weakly.

History:
Anita had always attached her self-worth
to achievement. As a child she was
taught that she didn’t amount to much
unless she did extremely well at
whatever she was given to do. Anita’s
father never wanted daughter, he was
disappointed when Anita was born. In his
view females are less capable and
should be treated like that.

Background:
Anita got promotion on merit. For Anita her
appointment proved that she at last worthy of
respect. In her eyes promotion validated her
self worth. She thought I am somebody and no
longer just a nobody.
 She wished her staff members to address her
by her surname preceded by ‘Ms’.
 In the office John was careful to use what
Anita asked but when they were in off duty in
staff restaurant John and his two colleagues
greeted her as Anita.

What she was Angry about?:
Anita made herself furiously angry,
when John in Particular used her first
name.
Anita also inferred that John and
others are secretly jealous of her
promotion and resented her for it
because she was female.

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
(Healthy Anger or Annoyance)
Rigid Belief:
I must be
treated with
respect by
everybody
on the staff,
bar none!
Flexible Belief:
‘I want to be
treated with
respect by the staff
but they don’t have
to obey my rule.

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Awfulising
Belief:
‘It’s terrible
that some
members on
the staff don’t
show me the
respect that
they should
Anti awfulising
Belief:
‘It’s bad but not
terrible when John
and the others don’t
treat me always as I
want them to’

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Discomfort
Intolerance
Belief:
‘I can’t bear
it when they
show that
they do not
respect me’
Discomfort
Tolerance Belief:
‘I can jolly well
stand their
disrespectful
behaviour although
I might never like it’

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Self Depreciation
Belief:
And if people
show that they
don’t respect me
that proves that I
am unworthy of
respect and
basically
worthless
Unconditional Self
Acceptance Belief:
It’s unfortunate if they
appear to disrespect me
but I can accept myself as a
fallible human being
whether or not these others
respect me and whether or
not I continue to hold my
management position’

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Others
Depreciation
Belief:
‘They are rotten,
women-downing
people for treating
me disrespectfully
and for reminding
me of my basic
worthlessness’
Unconditional Others
Acceptance Belief:
‘Neither John nor any of
my previous colleagues
are rotten people for not
treating me at all the time
as I want them to. They
are fallible, unrateable
human beings who are
not doing as I desire.

 Anita’s primary problem was not her anger but
her low sense of self-worth.
 Her anger served to protect her from her basic
feeling of worthlessness which she experienced
whenever anyone said or did anything which
reminded her of it.
 Even if she were right about some of her
colleagues being jealous and resentful of her
success, that might merely indicate that they had
a problem, but that there was no reason why
Anita should make it her problem.

 Anita's feeling of damning anger would decrease
her chances of having good and respectful
relationships with her colleagues in the future
 USA: By unconditionally accepting herself as
having intrinsic value to herself regardless of
weather or not she achieved great things in life.
She needed no external symbols to validate
herself as a human with intrinsic value to herself

Subordinate not
sending reports in
time

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Rigid Belief:
He must send
reports to me on
time. ‘Because his
failure to send me
his reports on
time is frustrating
me which he
should not, must
not do it’
Flexible Belief:
That makes no sense because
you don’t run the universe and it
is foolish to command or dictate
that because you don’t like what
someone is doing, therefore he
or she must do it!
‘I strongly want this man to send
me in his reports regularly on
time but he doesn’t have to’.

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Awfulising
Belief:
‘I find it awful
to be
frustrated’
Anti awfulising Belief:
‘I definitely don’t like
receiving his reports late
each month. It is
frustrating but it’s not
terrible.
Frustration is an
inconvenience but not a
horror. Is being frustrated
really that terrible?

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Discomfort
Intolerance
Belief:
He is not
sending his
reports on
time, its highly
frustrating
which ‘I can’t
tolerate it!’
Discomfort Tolerance
Belief:
Oh yes, you can tolerate
being frustrated without
ever liking it.
I obviously can tolerate it
although I’ll never like it’

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Others Depreciation
Belief:
‘He is a total bastard
for treating me like
this!’
Unconditional Others Acceptance
Belief:
‘People who frustrate you are not
total bastards but they are fallible
human being who have their own
agendas and will often frustrate you
in pursuit of their own goals.’
‘I don’t like this man’s sloppy
behaviour and I wish to hell he would
change it!’
‘This fellow is not a louse, he’s a
fallible human being who’s doing the
wrong thing. If I have him come in and
see what he has to say about it, I can
figure out a way of avoiding these
delays in future’

Situation: I find my job to be extremely boring. There are a
few interesting moments, but by and large, all day I am
teaching students. It is simply unbearable. It is driving me
crazy.
Irrational Belief:
 I MUST never feel bored (Using MUST).
 I find it unbearable when I feel bored. I can’t tolerate it. It’s
killing me (CATASTROPHIZATION).
 My job is extremely boring (OVERGENERALIZATION,
MENTAL FILTER, MAGNIFICATION).
Consequences:
Feeling down, listless & demoralized

 Why SHOULD I never feel bored? Where is that
written on stone?
 What is the evidence that I MUST never feel
bored?
 What is the proof that I can’t stand it when I am
bored?
 Where is the law or evidence that says that I
always HAVE TO do what I wish to do? Where
is the proof?
 Is there a rule that I MUST have what I want and
wish for? Where is the proof for this?

Rational Thoughts:
 I would prefer a more interesting job, but there
are no grounds for saying that I can’t stand
boredom. In fact I am tolerating it. I have not
died as yet.
 There is no rule of universe that says I MUST
never feel bored or I MUST have what I want or
wish.
 To be honest, my job is not totally boring. There
are certain things I like about my job. There are
certain colleagues who are great. Some of the
staff are very fun and pleasant as well. I like the
physical environment in my office. I will also try
to reduce my expectations from my job, so as to
decrease my disappointment. After all, no job
can be perfect.

Rational Thoughts:
 I can find my life rewarding even if I continue to stay
in this job.
 This is because, even though some aspects of my job
are boring, my life outside my job gives me
gratification.
 I enjoy my friends, my family and my hobbies
(movies, music, reading, cooking, playing tennis).
 I get pleasure from my creative pursuits like acting
and painting.
 These make up for the fulfillment, stimulation and
joy that I don’t get at work.
 There is no rule, law or requirement that says that I
MUST get all the pleasures, excitements, stimulations
and satisfactions of life from my work. That would be
an unrealistic expectation as well.

A. Activating Adverse Event
 Yet once again, I have been passed over for a
promotion.
B. Irrational Thought(s) I Have About A
• It is awful. Simply terrible
(CATASTROPHIZATION).
• I can’t stand it. It’s so unfair
(CATASTROPHIZATION)
• All the time, things go badly for me
(OVERGENERALIZATION)
C. Consequences of Having Those Thoughts
About A
• Intense, deep frustration

 Where is the evidence that this situation SHOULD
not be happening? Where does it say that?
 Where is it written that if I don’t get things
whenever I want, it’s awful?
 Why MUST I get a promotion?
 Where does it say that it will be disastrous if I
don’t get a promotion? What is the proof?
 Where is the evidence that I can’t stand it?
 On what grounds am I saying that the world
MUST be fair?

E. Effective New Thinking: Substitute Something
Realistic and Rational Instead of B
 Not getting promotion is very disappointing.
I would really have liked to get this promotion,
but not getting promotion and I have to wait for
it, is certainly not terrible.
Things could have been worse. I could have been
out of a job.
 It would be highly preferable to get the promotion
but I don’t HAVE to get a promotion. A preference
is not a necessity.
If I don’t get a promotion It will not be disastrous
and
It’s not the end of the world.

• I certainly can stand it. The very fact that I am
brooding over this shows that I am standing it
and can stand it.
• Even though I would like it to be so, I cannot
demand that the world be a fair place.
Unfortunately, I do not make the laws and rules
of the world.
 Maybe I can start thinking of looking for another
job or moving to another department or
function, where the chances of career
advancement would
be better?

 Life can be enjoyable even if I don’t get salary
increases or promotions. I can reasonably enjoy my
life even if I stay in this job till I retire.
 It will definitely not kill me to be in this job.
There are multiple things that give me gratification
like my hobbies (going to the gym, hiking, playing
the guitar, dancing, basketball), hanging out with my
friends and my other social relations.
These make up for the happiness that I don’t get at
work. There is no decree which says that you have
to get all your contentment and your life’s fulfillment
from your workplace.
 Why am I saying “everything” goes badly with me?
I know I am totally blowing this up out of all
proportion. Of course, some things do go badly with
me from time to time, just as they do with others,
but some things do go well for me as well.

 Result: More accepting of the present situation
and hence less disappointed
 A common dysfunctional belief in this context is
“It is useless, pointless and meaningless doing
anything because I did not get the promotion or
project or job that I badly wanted”.
 This kind of thinking calls for a thorough
analysis, where objective, impartial evidence
which support and do not support this belief are
to be examined.

Assignment Given
to you which you
don’t like

 Marty worked for a large investment bank. He had
been with the bank for many years, had built up a
good reputation and was in charge of an entire
floor of dealers. Now in his late fifties, Marty was
looking forward to early retirement Marty seldom
handled investment assignments himself,
preferring to delegate as much as possible and
make himself available to dispense his advice
and wisdom to anyone whom he thought could
do with it.

 One morning, Marty’s boss came into Marty’s
office and laid a specially coloured folder on
Marty’s desk. I want you to handle this one
yourself, Marty, said the boss. This is a big one
and it’s important. There’s a lot of money
involved and we would better get it right. So
don’t pass it down the line, Marty. And I am sorry
but you are going to have to work extra hours on
this one – late nights and weekends to make sure
you catch the various world stock markets when
they open.

 As soon as the boss had left Marty’s office, Marty
thumped his desk and swore under his breath, it
isn’t fair! Why did this have to happen to me?
Marty’s basic Ib was: Life must go smoothly and
pleasantly for me, especially now when I am
getting ready to retire! From this iB, Marty
concluded the following.

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Rigid Belief:
‘It’s unfair that
I have been
given this
assignment
and that
should not
happen’
Flexible Belief:
‘I would like things to
tick over smoothly
for me until I retire
but they probably
won’t and they don’t
have to’
Anger at life conditions : Life must be fair

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Awfulising
Belief:
It’s terrible that
I’m going to
have to work
long unsocial
hours!’
Anti awfulising Belief:
‘It’s a pain in my neck
that this important job
has come in and will
entail me working
nights and weekends
but it’s hardly awful or
terrible!’
Anger at life conditions : Life must be fair

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Discomfort
Intolerance Belief:
‘I can’t stand
having all this
extra hassle just
when I’m planning
to take things
easy with my
retirement coming
up!’
Discomfort Tolerance
Belief:
‘I can certainly tolerate it
and if I have to delay
slightly my plans to retire,
that’s just too bad. I won’t
like it but I can stand it’

Irrational Belief
(Unhealthy Anger)
Rational Belief
Life Depreciation
Belief:
‘The world’s a
rotten place when
things like this
happen!’
Unconditional Life
Acceptance Belief:
‘Just because I am being
inconvenienced at a time
when I least want it hardly
proves that the world is
rotten place. Lets face it,
the world is a complex
mix of good, bad and
neutral. Tough! That’s the
way it is.’

 In the above example, Marty was not
angry with his boss. He realized that
his boss had no option but to assign
the job to the most experienced
member of his staff. However, just for
argument’s sake, imagine yourself in
Marty’s position and that you really
are angry with your boss for having
given you the special assignment.

 You had better not denounce your
boss for allegedly treating you
unfairly! So, after you have studied
the previous section and agreed that it
is unhelpful to damn others for
frustrating you, let’s offer you an
additional strategy for nipping your
anger in the bud before it can do you
any harm.

Rational and
Irrational Beliefs of
workaholics

workaholics
Rational Alternatives for
workaholics
‘I have to keep
working, working all
the time at this
particular business
and be
outstandingly
successful to prove
I am worthwhile!’
‘I prefer to keep working in
this particular business but
I don’t have
to. I want to be successful
and if I am that will be
rewarding.
But if I am not successful
that is unfortunate but I can
accept my self as fallible
human being with worth to
myself whether or not I
achieve outstandingly.’

workaholics
Rational Alternatives
for workaholics
‘It’s awful not to work
because I get bored
then and I can’t stand
being bored’
‘I may get bored for a
time when I’m not
working or unable to
work but being bored
is an inconvenience, I
don't like being idle
and not working is
frustrating, but I can
stand it’

workaholics
Rational Alternatives for
workaholics
‘I will have to keep
working, working for
the rest of my life and
can never stop and
relax or enjoy myself.’
‘I would like to keep
working for the rest of
my life because I find
it intrinsically
enjoyable, but I don’t
have to do so. There
is no reason why I
can’t allow myself
some relaxation and
enjoy myself in other
suitable ways.’

How to replace
unhelpful thoughts
into helpful
thoughts

Challenging My Cognitive Distortions - Part 1
Why my subordinate
should perform better
Rational responses as to why my
subordinate may not perform better
Our company
has a culture of
excellence.
Each of us is
expected to do a
very good job
He (my subordinate) is
probably thinking that he is
doing a fairly adequate job
vis-à-vis his pay
He should be
more
meticulous and
careful about his
work
Why should he be more
careful and meticulous?

Why my subordinate
Rational responses as to why my
subordinate may not perform better
Because I would
have been more
meticulous in his
place
But I am I and he is he – he is
not me. He has his own value
systems. He is working
according to his standards,
trying to meet his performance
standards, not mine. His frame
of reference and standards are
obviously different from mine.
Once again, he is probably
thinking that he is performing
fairly adequately vis-à-vis his
pay

Why my subordinate
Rational responses as to why my subordinate
may not perform better
He should do an excellent
job
Should he?
Am I entitled to get whatever I desire just because I so
desire? If not, then where is this “should” coming
from?
Moreover, are my expectations from him unrealistic?
After all, not everyone does a good job.
If we rate the performance of all our subordinates in
our organization or in my own functional area and
calculate the mean (average), 50% of the subordinates
will be below the mean (average) in performance!
That’s why we have the concepts of mean (average)
and median in the first place!
So why have I such rigid, unrealistic expectations of
good work from him?
Not everyone will perform according to my ideals,
standards and values!

Challenging My Cognitive Distortions – Part 3
Why my subordinate
Rational responses as to why my subordinate may not
perform better
He should do an
excellent job
In fact, how can I expect that other people will measure
up to and operate according to my standards?
They will work according to their own standards!
The word “excellent” is highly subjective.
Each of us is a different person with different beliefs and
ideas of what’s good, mediocre and bad with regard to a
job performance.
So on what basis am I saying that he “should” do an
excellent job?
What’s more, my subordinate is not deliberately
performing badly to displease me.
It’s just that that’s how he works.
Besides, I have some subordinates reporting to me who
are very good in their work.
It is unrealistic and perfectionistic (hence unattainable)
on my part to expect that all of my subordinates will be
first-rate.

Philosophy or
thoughts behind
UNE and HNE

Views vulnerable to unhealthy
anger
and
Views that help you deal with
unhealthy anger

Anger Annoyance
Views vulnerable
to unhealthy
anger
Views that help you
deal with unhealthy
anger
Its a dog eat
dog world
The world is very
complex and
varied.
It can be dog eat
dog, but it can also
be dog look after
dog!

Anger Annoyance
Views vulnerable
to unhealthy
anger
Views that help you
deal with unhealthy
anger
People only
selfishly look
after
themselves and
their own.
People look after
themselves and
their own, but in a
self-caring way as
well as selfishly.
They also look after
others as well

Anger Annoyance
Views vulnerable to
unhealthy anger
Views that help you
deal with unhealthy
anger
People always act
with malicious
intent.
There's no such
thing as an
accident.
People can act
with malicious
intent
but certainly not
all the time
and accidents do
happen.

Anger Annoyance
Views vulnerable
to unhealthy
anger
Views that help you
deal with unhealthy
anger
People are out to
get me, so I need
to get them
before they get
me.
People may be out to
get me, but they also
may be out to help me
and may be friendly.
I don't need to attack
unless there is clear
evidence that they are
out to harm me

Views vulnerable to Anxiety
and
Anxiety

Anxiety Concern
Views vulnerable
to anxiety
Views that help you
deal with anxiety
The world is
a dangerous
place
The world is a
place where
danger exists,
but there is
much safety as
well

Anxiety Concern
Views vulnerable
to anxiety
Views that help you
deal with anxiety
Uncertainty is
dangerous.
And I must get
guarantee that
I am safe in all
probabilities.
Uncertainty can indicate
the presence of threat,
but more often it is also
associated with the
absence of threat.
Risk cannot be zero.
Uncertainty and safety is
most of the time in my
favor and sometime it is
not in my favor.

Anxiety Concern
Views vulnerable to
anxiety
Views that help you
deal with anxiety
Not being in control
is dangerous.
Either I am in
control or I am out
of control
Not being in control
is unpleasant, but
is rarely dangerous.
Just because I am
not in complete
control, certainly
does not mean that
I am totally out of
control

Anxiety Concern
Views vulnerable
to anxiety
Views that help you deal
with anxiety
People cannot be
trusted
My best stance is to trust
someone unless I have
evidence to the contrary. If I am
let down that is very
unfortunate, but not terrible.
Just because one person has
let me down that does not
mean all people will let me
down. And will break my trust
and won't affect my stance
towards the next person I
meet.

Depression
and
Sadness

Depression Sadness
Views vulnerable to
Depression
Views that help you
deal with Sadness
I am not ok and
You are ok. I am
totally not ok and
You are totally
ok.
I am ok in some
aspects and not
ok in some
aspects , Similarly
you are ok in
some aspects and
not ok in some
aspects

Depression Sadness
Views vulnerable
to Depression
Views that help you
deal with Sadness
The world is
a bad place
The world is a
place where
bad, good and
neutral things
happen

Depression Sadness
Views vulnerable
to Depression
Views that help you
deal with Sadness
Life is unfair. Why
this has happened to
me? Why Me only?
Life is unpredictable.
Anything can happen in
this world at any time .
Certain things are in my
favor and certain things
are not in my favor.
Just because one thing
is not in favor it does
not mean entire life is

Depression Sadness
Views vulnerable to
Depression
Views that help you
deal with Sadness
Life is ultimately
meaningless
Life neither has
meaning nor is
meaningless.
I can find and
actively pursue a
number of
meaningful projects
over my life span

Depression Sadness
Views vulnerable
to Depression
Views that help you
deal with Sadness
People will
ultimately reject
me, therefore it is
best not be get
involved with
them
Some people will
reject me, others will
not.
I can actively involve
myself in
relationships in light
of this fact

Depression Sadness
Views vulnerable
to Depression
Views that help you
deal with Sadness
The world is
made up of
strong and
weak people
The world is
made up of
people who
have both
strengths and
weaknesses

Guilt
and
Healthy Guilt

Unhealthy Guilt Healthy Guilt
Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Guilt
with Guilt
Other people's
desires are more
important than
my own
My desires are no less
important to me than
others' desires are to
them. I can flexibly and
healthily priorities my
desires in the same way
as others can flexibly
and healthily priorities
theirs

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Guilt
Views that help you
deal with Guilt
When I am
involved I have
responsibility for
the hurt feelings
of others
When I am involved,
I have responsibility
for my actions, but
ultimately I am not
responsible for the
feelings of others.
They are responsible

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Guilt
Views that help you
deal with Guilt
In the moral
domain, I expect
more of myself
than I do of
others
In the moral
domain, I can
expect the same
of myself as I can
expect of others

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Guilt
with Guilt
It is possible to
always act
morally
It is rarely possible
to always act morally
since if you do the
right thing from one
perspective you may
be doing the wrong
thing from another
perspective

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Guilt
Views that help you
deal with Guilt
Saying 'No'
to others is a
sign of
selfishness
Saying 'No' to
others may be
selfish, but is
more likely to
be a sign of
healthy self-

Hurt
and
Sorrow

Unhealthy Hurt Healthy Sorrow
Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Hurt
Views that help you
deal with Sorrow
When I do a lot for
those close to me,
they will fail to
reciprocate and
will abuse my
generosity
When I do a lot for
people, most will
reciprocate, but
some won't and
some may even
abuse my
generosity

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Hurt
Views that help you
deal with Sorrow
If I trust those
close to me
they will often
betray me
while I would
not betray
them
If I trust those
close to me,
most won't
betray me, but
some may well
do so

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Hurt
with Sorrow
Significant
others will act
unfairly
towards me
while I would
not be unfair to
them
Some significant
others will indeed
act unfairly to me,
but not all will. Can
I really be sure that
I would not act
unfairly to them?

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Hurt
Views that help you
deal with Sorrow
Those close to me
will often exclude
or neglect me for
no good reason
Those close to me
may sometimes
exclude or neglect
me, but most won't.
When they do, I may
not understand why,
but this does not
mean that they have
done so for no good
to me.

Shame
and
Healthy Shame

Unhealthy Shame Healthy Shame
Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Shame
Views that help you
deal with Shame
There is always the
danger that I will
not achieve my
ideal standards
There is always
this danger, but
these standards
are there to guide
me, not to be
achieved all the
time

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Shame
Views that help you
deal with Shame
Social situations are
dangerous because
other people will judge
me negatively if I put a
foot wrong
Social situations can
be dangerous, but
they can also be
gentle. If I put a foot
wrong, people may
judge me negatively,
but they may also
show me
understanding and
compassion

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Shame
Views that help you
deal with Shame
Social situations
are dangerous
because I may be
exposed as
defective,
disgusting or
diminished at any
moment
If I fall short of my
ideal or go against
a social custom, I
am revealing my
fallibility and my
humanity. This
makes social
situations far less
dangerous

Envy
and
Healthy Envy

Envy Healthy Envy
Views vulnerable
to Unhealthy Envy
Views that help you
deal with Envy
My worth is
measured by
my
possessions
My worth is
determined by
my aliveness
and not by my
possessions

Envy Healthy Envy
Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Envy
Views that help you
deal with Envy
If others with
whom I am in
competition
have more than
me, then they
are worthier
than me
If others have
more than me
still our worth
as a human
being is equal

Envy Healthy Envy
Views vulnerable
to Unhealthy Envy
Views that help you
deal with Envy
The more I
have, the
happier I will be
For happiness
require two
things
1) Basic Needs
2) Meaningful
Philosophy
towards life.

Envy Healthy Envy
Views vulnerable
to Unhealthy Envy
Views that help you
deal with Envy
I can be happy
only if I get the
possessions
that I want
I can be happy
even if I do not
get the
possessions
that I want

Envy Healthy Envy
Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Envy
Views that help you
deal with Envy
If someone has
what I want, I
really want it
If someone has
what I want, I think
I really want it, but
that level of desire
is coloured by my
feelings of
unhealthy envy

Envy Healthy Envy
Views vulnerable
to Unhealthy Envy
Views that help you
deal with Envy
It’s unfair if
others have what
I don’t have, but
it is fair if I have
what others don’t
have
If it’s unfair that
others have what I
don’t have, it’s
unfair to others if
they don’t have
what I have

Jealousy
and
Healthy Jealousy

Unhealthy Jealousy Healthy Jealousy
Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Jealousy
Views that help you
deal with Jealousy
My partners are
ultimately
untrustworthy
Some of my
partners may be
untrustworthy, but
most will probably
be trustworthy

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Jealousy
Views that help you
deal with Jealousy
My partners will
ultimately leave me
Some of my
partners may leave
me, but others
won't. However, I
may drive away
people in this last
group through my
jealous behaviour

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Jealousy
Views that help you
deal with Jealousy
If I trust someone
they will make a
fool of me.
So I need to always
be on my guard
If I trust someone, it is
possible that the person
may betray my trust,
but it is also possible
that they won't. If they
do, they can't make a
fool out of me — only I
can do this with my
rigid and self-
depreciation beliefs
about their behaviour

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Jealousy
Views that help you
deal with Jealousy
Not knowing what
my partner is
feeling, thinking
and doing is very
dangerous
Not knowing what
my partner is
feeling, thinking
and doing is not
inherently
dangerous

Views vulnerable to
Unhealthy Jealousy
Views that help you
deal with Jealousy
Every attractive
person is my
rival
Some attractive
people may be
my rivals, but
most won't be

 There is no choice without price – Suffering
is the part of life - You cannot please everyone
when you take stand
 Select choice where less suffering or you
have to pay minimum price (Consider short
term and long term and do not demand
guarantee. The risk cannot be zero
 In some choices long term price is not
visible today (Smart Phone Addiction) and
whatever unhealthy choice(Alcohol) you take
today you may have to pay the price after few
years

 Indecisiveness is almost always once dire needs for
approval
 It’s important not to hesitate to get rid off ineffectual
subordinates, no matter he may personally like them,
to solidly disagree with official views if that is his
honest appraisal, to firmly exercise his authority, no
matter how unpopular he may at times he may at
times be for doing so and to refused to be swayed by
sycophants in spite of their charm and unwavering
support
 He is stuck without necessarily being roughed

 Sushant sales manager 30 people reporting to him
one of his subordinate but could never back up his
own decision to fire one of his delinquent (antisocial)
subordinate . Because “I can’t bear thinking of how
hard it will be on his wife and family”. I know he is
not turning in any of the reports that specifically told
him. Many times to get it in every one day. But he is
not really egg. And I just can’t hurt him anyways.
 Rational Belief: Wouldn’t it be unfortunate if I had to
fire this man? His wife and family will suffer by my
action and I wouldn’t like them to suffer for his
delinquencies . Worst yet, he will be probably hate
my guts if I fire him specially when he is really not
doing so badly at the selling. But only at turning in
the reports . And I wouldn’t want him to hate me like
that.

 Problem - Sushant is sales manager and 30
people reporting to him. One of his subordinate
who is delinquent (antisocial) he wanted to fire
him but in two minds.. To be or not to be

 It is terrible that I have to decide whether or not to
get rid off this salesman! I can’t stand the thought
of his hating me in case I let him go. And suppose
his wife and children suffer and people find out
they are suffering because I fired him. How
terrible that would be to have them think so poorly
of me.
 On the other hand if I keep him on and do not
make him turn those reports that every one else
is turning in, he will be counter manding my
authority and making me look like a fool. How can
I possibly live with that? Oh what a terrible
dilemma I am in ! How will I ever resolve this.

 It’s awful that I am vacillating like this! What a dunce
I am! I should be making up my mind and rigorously
sticking to it; and I am an utter idiot for not doing
so!.
 How can he treat me like that, the lousy bastard!
After all I have done for him, too! He should not be
acting that way and should have the decency either
to hand in those god dammed reports or else see that
he is delinquent and apologetically resign!

 Indecisiveness is foolish and needless but its not terrible or
catastrophic
 If my subordinates or associates hate me for being decisive,
that’s difficult to tolerate and tough but I can tolerate it
 I can do foolish acts, but only a magician can turn me into a
fool
 Executives get damned if they do and damned if they don’t
get rid of ineffectual people. Either I accept that fact or join the
foreign legion.
 There are, as far as can be determined scientifically, no
absolute should, ought's or musts in the universe. And if there
were, it would probably be deadly!
 People are fallible because people are people. May be when I
get to heaven I will work with a bunch of angels. But not till
then.

Irrational Beliefs Rational Beliefs 1
I must be certain my
decision is right
Ability to act decisively:
I’d like to be certain that this
decision of mine is right but I
don’t need such certainty.
Since I don’t control the world
there is no way I can be certain
of the outcome of any decisions
I may take.
“Its terrible not knowing
how many decision will
turn out to be incorrect”
Can create outcome with
adequate concern:
Its not terrible but a matter of
some concern to me that the
outcome of my decision cannot
be predicted with certainty.’
That’s the way life is, there is no
certainty

I cant stand this feeling
of uncertainty
Can tolerate uncertainty:
It’s not unbearable that uncertainty exist
in the world, and there is no reason why
it shouldn’t exist. What exist, exists. I
may not like it but I can definitely stand
it.
Indecision:
I must perform well and
win the approval of
important people in the
organization.
Self acceptance:
‘I prefer to do well and win the approval
of significant people but there is no
reason why I absolutely must do’
Ego anxiety:
If I fail to do well and win
approval I am an
inadequate person.
Flexible Thinking and Motivating:
If at times I fail to do well and win the
approval that only proves that I am a
fallible human being. I can still accept
myself in spite of my failure and learn
from my mistakes to do better in future

Psychologist and M.B.A.
(Human Resource Development)
Pharmacist & M.B.A
( Marketing )

M : 9821174633 / 9870001147
E : info@psychohrd.com W: www.psychohrd.com
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Soft Skills Training & Counselling

How To Deal With Work Place Stress By Mr. Nilesh Mandlecha

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