Write Tight(er)—STC Spectrum14

Marcia Riefer Johnston 
@MarciaRJohnston 
#spectrum14
A Time-Saving, Pain-Free
Technique for Selling
Yourself, Your Company,
or Your Products through
Your Words
Write
Tight
(er)
Rochester)Chapter))

#spectrum14 WriteTight(er) HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

What does conciseness mean (and not mean)?

How much difference can conciseness make?

In what ways does conciseness help me sell?

How can I write more concisely?

Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

Time-saving,
pain-free
technique
WORKSHOP

Time-saving,
pain-free
technique
WORKSHOP
Three-minute video

#spectrum14

#spectrum14
No

headline?

#spectrum14
No

headline?
No

bullets?

#spectrum14
No

headline?
No

bullets? No

verbiage?

#spectrum14
No

headline?
No

bullets? No

verbiage?
How

concise!

“The number-one complaint I’ve heard
from technical publications managers is,
‘Much of my staff is about to retire, and
I’m having trouble ﬁnding anyone who
can write correct grammar and simple,
concise, accurate text.’”
!
—Maxwell Hoffmann
Intercom magazine,
Society forTechnical Communication, Jan. 2013

What does conciseness
mean (and not mean)?

Minimalism
What does conciseness
mean (and not mean)?

Concise means “minimal.”

Not short.

Not short.
“Cut me a short string.”

Not short.
“Cut me a short string.” Huh?

Not short.
“Cut me a short string.”
Make text (like string)
as long as needed.
Huh?

Make
text,
like
string,
as
long

as
needed.
@MarciaRJohnston

#spectrum14

Not robospeak.

Not robospeak.
Push button.

Not robospeak.
Push button.
Push the button.

Not robospeak.
Keep the the.
Push button.
Push the button.

Not gutted for mobile.

Don’t think,
“Smartphone users
won’t need that.”

They will.
Don’t think,
“Smartphone users
won’t need that.”

Example

No discussion
board?
Example

No discussion
board?
No calendar?
Example

Concise ≠

Gutted
No discussion
board?
No calendar?
Example

Minimal.

Minimal.
Enough to meet your
audiences’ needs

Minimal.
Enough to meet your
audiences’ needs
Enough to accomplish
your purpose

Minimal.
Enough to meet your
audiences’ needs
your purpose
No more

Minimal.
Enough to meet your
audiences’ needs
your purpose
No more No less

Write Tight(er): 
ATime-Saving, Pain-Free
Technique for SellingYourself,
Your Company, orYour
Products throughYour Words

Audience needs:

“What’s in it for me?”
Write Tight(er): 

Audience needs:

My purpose:

Get you here
Write Tight(er): 

No more
Audience needs:

My purpose:

Get you here
Write Tight(er): 

No more No less
Audience needs:

My purpose:

Get you here
Write Tight(er): 

How much difference can
conciseness make?

How much difference can
conciseness make?
“Measured usability was
dramatically higher for the
concise version [of the
website]—58% better.”

!
Nielsen Norman Group

www.nngroup.com/articles/
how-users-read-on-the-web

In what ways does
conciseness help me sell?

Small screens
In what ways does

Small screens
Translation costs
In what ways does

Small screens
Translation costs
Readability
In what ways does

Small screens
Translation costs
Readability
Think

usability, engagement.
In what ways does

“But I don’t write for small screens.”

“But I don’t write for small screens.”
Maybe your readers
see a big window.

... or maybe your readers see this.

“Full site”
view

“Full site”
view
“Mobile site”
view

Maybe your readers see this.

“But I already write concisely.”
This is your
toothbrush
when it’s
new.The
blue bristles
are blue all
the way to
their tips.
This is your
toothbrush
when it’s
ready to
replace.The
blue bristles
have turned
half white.

“But I already write concisely.”
This is your
toothbrush
when it’s
new.The
blue bristles
are blue all
the way to
their tips.
This is your
toothbrush
when it’s
ready to
replace.The
blue bristles
have turned
half white.
Visual-verbal
redundancy

Your readers want this.

Especially if you translate.
Philips Sonicare™ toothbrush

“But my stuff isn’t translated.”

“But my stuff isn’t translated.”
Get ready!

How much can a word cost?

You may be needing a loan.

words6

You may need a loan.
words6

words6
5 words

words6
5 words
1 word

Translation cost (or savings):
words6
5 words
1 word

words6
5 words
1 word
1 sentence, 1 language

$ 0.25
words6
5 words
1 word

$ 0.25
words6
5 words
1 word
10,000 sentences,* 1 language

$ 0.25
* the size of a Harry Potter novel
words6
5 words
1 word

$ 0.25
$ 2,500.00
words6
5 words
1 word

$ 0.25
$ 2,500.00
words6
5 words
1 word
10,000 sentences,* 25 languages

$ 0.25
$ 2,500.00
$ 62,500.00
words6
5 words
1 word
10,000 sentences,* 25 languages

a word? How so?

a word? How so?
Close enough

a word? How so?
Close enough 
Varies with the language

a word? How so?
Close enough 
Varies with the language 
Depends on the translation memory (database)

a word? How so?
Close enough 
unrecognized word

a word? How so?
Close enough 
unrecognized word
Full price

a word? How so?
Close enough 
unrecognized word
“fuzzy” match Full price

a word? How so?
Close enough 
unrecognized word
“fuzzy” match Full price
Pay less

a word? How so?
Close enough 
unrecognized word
“fuzzy” match
“perfect” match
Full price
Pay less

a word? How so?
Close enough 
unrecognized word
“fuzzy” match
“perfect” match
You still pay!
Full price
Pay less

Whether or not you translate,

whatever size your page or screen,

whatever size your page or screen,
you owe it to yourself to ask …

How can I write

more concisely?

Dump these words!*

Dump these words!*
*unless you need them

Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

very, such, so (& other empty intensiﬁers)
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

not, no (& other negative words)
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
begin to, try to, tend to, in order to
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
period of time
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
period of time
in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
different (as in many different, 36 different)
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
particular
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
particular
verbiage
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

the fact that
just
period of time
proverbial
particular
verbiage
any other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch
Dump these words!*
Time-saving,
pain-free
technique

See be-verbs.

See
be-‐verbs!
@MarciaRJohnston

#spectrum14

Examples

“Bias tape has the advantage of being able
to be applied smoothly around curves as
well as straight.”

The ﬁx might not
be self-evident.

The ﬁx might not
be self-evident.
You have to think.

The ﬁx might not
be self-evident.
You have to think.
(Not too painful.)

“A scheme of which every part promises
delight can never be successful.”
—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Our IT team wants
to be predictive.

Our IT team wants
to be predictive.
What does
the team
want to do?

what?

is

“Write when there is
something that you know;
and not before; and not
too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway

“There are known knowns.These are things
we know that we know.There are known
unknowns.That is to say, there are things
that we know we don’t know. But there are
also unknown unknowns.There are things
we don’t know we don’t know.”

(attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)


We don’t know diddly—


We don’t know diddly—
except to avoid be-verbs.

Be-‐verbs
are
everywhere.
See?

@MarciaRJohnston
#spectrum14

Dump these words!*

Jane fully expects a big publisher
to snap up her ﬁrst novel.

We hope that people will actively participate.

Please listen carefully to
the following choices so
that we can immediately
direct your call to the
appropriate person.

Mahatma Gandhi truly
changed the world.

#spectrum14 WriteTight(er) HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston


Dump these words!*

Fred likes his toast very dry.

Fred likes his toast so dry.

Fred likes his toast so dry.
Fred likes such dry toast.

Exception: 
the doge meme

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/11/15/
doge_pronunciation_how_do_you_pronounce_the_name
_of_the_shibe_doge_meme.html




Dump these words!*

Do not use negative phrasing.

If you want viewers to focus on something,
do not show faces looking away from it.
(This image is from an eye-tracking study by James Breeze

as cited in Garr Reynolds’s book Presentation Zen.)

The Oregon Ducks have not lost a “Civil War”
game to their archrivals, the Beavers, in seven years.





Dump these words!*





Dump these words!*
the fact that

Given the fact that Joan understood
topic-based writing, everyone went to
her with questions.
Concept Task Reference





the fact that

Dump these words!*





the fact that

Dump these words!*
just

It's just that I just say just a lot. I just have
the habit, so it’s just hard to stop saying it.





the fact that

just

Dump these words!*

Michael Noer handed the six-year-old the
tablet.With no instruction, and never having
seen a computer, the boy began to swipe the
screen, launch apps, and play a pinball game.

Try to
focus on
breathing.

“Stop trying to hit me, and hit me.”

—Morpheus to Neo

“Do or do not.
There is no try.”

—Yoda

“When our tools don’t work, we tend to
blame ourselves for being too stupid or not
reading the manual or having too fat ﬁngers.”

—Lev Grossman, Time

In order to divert 34,000
tons of food scraps from
landﬁlls, Portland created a
curbside-pickup program
for compostable waste.





the fact that

just

Dump these words!*





the fact that

just

Dump these words!*
period of time

Jones and
Caruthers have
worked here
for a long
period of time.
Sketch by Brian Poulsen. Used with permission.





the fact that

just


period of time
Dump these words!*

In light of my lack of cash,
we stopped at an ATM.

In spite of his poor health, Samuel
attended his niece’s graduation.

In spite of his poor health, Samuel
attended his niece’s graduation.
I prefer thatTV in terms of cost.

“The word of is, in anything other
than small doses, among the surest
indications of ﬂabby writing.”

—Bryan Garner

Garner’s Modern American Usage





the fact that

just


period of time

Dump these words!*





the fact that

just


period of time

Dump these words!*
proverbial

The proverbial
needle in the
haystack





the fact that

just


period of time


proverbial
Dump these words!*

Our company understands the pros and
cons of all these different technologies.

Steve Jobs’s
name appears
on 212 different
Apple patents.





the fact that

just


period of time


proverbial

Dump these words!*





the fact that

just


period of time


proverbial

Dump these words!*
particular

Google’s CEO, Eric Schmidt,
has a particular belief that
Android’s open platform
leads to more options and
more consumer choice.

While Lady Gaga’s
particular sense of
style puzzles many,
millions of fans say
that her afﬁrming
theme of bravery
and kindness has
changed their lives.





the fact that

just


period of time


proverbial


particular
Dump these words!*





the fact that

just


period of time


proverbial


particular
Dump these words!*
verbiage

We’ll throw some
verbiage in there.

Want a tip for making
this technique even
more time-saving and
pain-free?

Try this.

YOUR

WORDS

HERE





the fact that

just


period of time


proverbial


particular

verbiage

any other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch
Dump these words!*

Word
count
Cost to
translate into
1 language 25 languages
x 10,000
sentences
(Harry Potter
novel)
BEFORE Your original text here with
more words than you need. 10 $2.50 $62.50 $625,000.00
AFTER Your tighter text here. 4 $1.00 $25.00 $250,000.00
Savings 60% $1.50 $37.50 $375,000.00
Spreadsheet available on request.

Story time

Story time
Water dispenser

Story time
Water dispenser
Buttons

Story time
Water dispenser
Buttons
Quick reference

Looks easy enough.

Concise = good

... right?

Ready for a video?

Ready for a video?
(You’ll have to pretend.)

Hey, Rick, would you bring me a glass of room-temperature water?

Rick

(Smart guy!)

GlassRick

(Smart guy!)

GlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Instructions

GlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Instructions Button

GlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Instructions Button Water

DumpGlassRick

(Smart guy!)

DumpGlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Read again

DumpGlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation

DumpGlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation Try again

DumpGlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation Try again Try again

Dump again
DumpGlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation Try again Try again

Dump again
DumpGlassRick

(Smart guy!)
Read again Exasperation Try again Try again Try again

If
conciseness
doesn’t
@ix
it,
 
change
what
you’re
saying.

@MarciaRJohnston
#spectrum14

Think
this is
small?

Write Tight(er)—STC Spectrum14

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