The Magic Key to Parenting & GrandParenting

This book is dedicated to the children and the inner children of the adults

who are courageous enough to take their programmed ring of fear and bring it into the

love of the heart so that our world may find peace.

Many thanks to the clients who have shared their stories with me and to Sunday Whelan

for her heart felt gift in editing and a special thank you to Cynthia Mitchell for her ability

to make the fairy tales come to life.

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THE MAGIC KEY

TO PARENTING & GRANDPARENTING

Knowing & Using the Enneagram of Family Dynamics

THIS PAGE FOR PARENTS ONLY - KIDS GET BORED WITH THIS STUFF!

Message to Parents:

The objective of this book is to empower your child by removing limiting

fears. In an effort to protect our children and ourselves, we have created a world

centered on the fears of survival, safety and limitation. Our choices are rarely based

on what we choose for our lives, but rather on the paths that lead to the lesser

consequences. We have become enslaved to the very fears that we thought would

protect us. As a result, many of us are highly stressed individuals who constantly

trigger the stress chemicals in our bodies producing disease, poverty and a general

sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. This fear-based consciousness has now

reached a critical mass of individuals. We see fear on a global level expressed as

war, poverty, illiteracy and disease.

How many times in a single day do we say to our children, “Don’t run, you

might fall!” or “Don’t climb, you might get hurt!” etc.? We begin training our

children very early to be fear-based, which causes them to withhold themselves from

life. In order for us to find peace and truly live to our potential, we must reverse

this habitual brainwashing. Our planet and the people that inhabit it must move

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from the stress and conflict caused by fear to an internal mindset of peace, love, and

freedom of the soul.

In my work with individuals over the past six years, I have discovered that

each person is imprinted with one fear before the age of reason. Cognitive

Developmentalist Jean Piaget indicates that this occurs between twelve and fifteen

years of age. Only upon reaching the age of reason can a child think about their

own thoughts. To the mind/body connection this means that the fear and the

memories it generates are like an audio cassette in our brain that plays back each

time the fear is triggered. On a level of conscious awareness it becomes so habitual

that we no longer notice it and on the subconscious level it is hardwired in the brain

and cannot be accessed through the conscious mind alone. The fear imprinted in

each individual equates to one of the nine personality types that are part of a human

development model called the Enneagram. The enneagram acts as a “lens” which

interprets all of the sensory data coming into the brain from our environment.

Through this lens the individual will determine whether or not there is a threat to

the body. When this fear is triggered in the mental body of an individual, the

neurotransmitters or chemical messengers in the body, carry the fear message to the

emotional and physical bodies of the individual. The mental and emotional bodies

experience the message as a conflict. Often adults will feel that they are trapped in

decision making, going back and forth between head and heart.

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In the physical body, Dr. Hans Selye’s “fight or flight response” is activated, causing

the body to chemically prepare itself to fight or retreat from the imagined fear. This

model of interpreting the body’s messenger mechanism is known as psycho-neuro

immunology. Chronic reaction to fear over an extended period of time can result in

physical pain and illness. The enneagram is the primary model used in this book to

diagnose a person’s fear. Each person will spend their lives setting up situations

that recreate the fear, offering them countless opportunities to conquer the fear.

For purposes of this book, I will use the Enneagram personality types in

story format to help you and your child identify the key fear that is the driving force

in each of your lives. The story will express the fear and then provide the way out of

this fear. In her book The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram, Sandra Maitri

tells the story of a man who was falsely imprisoned. His wife wove for him a prayer

rug whose pattern included the design of the lock on his cell. This man convinced

the guards to provide him with some pieces of wood so that he could carve objects

for the guards to sell. He of course created a key from the wood using the map

design provided by his wife in the prayer rug. The story tells us that the Enneagram

is the design, which when applied to our daily lives will allow us to leave our cell of

fear. Ancient literature tells us that each human being chooses an Enneagram type

before entering this world and will work with the fear of their particular

Enneagram until they have found the real truth behind it. Originally there were

seven Enneagram types, which were commonly known as the seven deadly sins. In

the early 20th century, two more Enneagram types were added resulting in the nine

types.

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*To determine your Enneagram type, you may take a test at

www.enneagramcentral.com

This book is written for children from five to eight years of life. Similar

books for the nine to twelve year old children and for adolescents will follow this

edition. In the individual stories you will find the primary Enneagram for your

child, but you will also find your own inner child. All relationships, particularly

family and intimate relationships, create conflicts that can be used as learning

experiences leading to a healing of the mind, body and spirit. I encourage the entire

family unit to take advantage of this opportunity. Give your child permission to

acknowledge that it is ok to sometimes have these negative feelings about you as a

parent; it does not mean that you do not love each other. If some of the emotional

abuse in the child stories is happening in your home, then this is an opportunity for

healing; if not, then it is a time to honestly explore with your child some of the very

real family issues in our society and to assure your child that they are safe.

Family relationships are normally the relationships that most impact who we

believe ourselves to be. Utilizing the enneagram to determine each family members

fear, you are able to see the positive and negative effects of these interactions on

each individual. You learn from each others strengths and weaknesses.

My favorite example comes from my own family. My daughter Nicole is an

enneagram type seven, the fear of being trapped especially by overwhelming

responsibility. She was married, had a ten year old, a fifteen month old, a part time

job, was working on her PhD dissertation and found herself pregnant again. She

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kept saying to me, “Mother, I am not going to have time to breathe”. Not realizing

how literal this was for the unborn baby, I just kept reassuring her that we would

all pitch in and help. At age one week Sam quit breathing, was rushed to a local

emergency room and eventually transferred to Boston Children’s neonatal

intensive care unit where he was put on a respirator that would breathe for him.

Nicole’s fear of “not being able to breathe”, had crossed the placental barrier and

Sam believed the message to be his own. Not wanting to impose any guilt on an

already terrified Nicole, I worked with Sam and enlisted the help of his Father who

like me is a type nine. We used the nine state of Being and centeredness to keep

assuring Sam that he had come to a safe world, a family that loved and would

protect him and to know that he could breathe with ease. Our family worked with

Nicole to help relieve her stress. Today Sam is a healthy, robust boy full of all of the

energy of the enneagram type 8. Now the trick is to take the 8 who is afraid of loss

of control and convince him that potty training is his idea.

One family in my practice presented with the 12 year old daughter as the

client. She was diagnosed as obsessive compulsive and very combative, often

physically with her mother. Traditional therapies had failed to bring much help to

the family. Jenny and her mother are both enneagram type 6 personalities. Their

fear is a fear of the unknown. The audio cassette in their brain says “You never

know what is going to happen next”. Mother coped with this fear by attempting to

keep a low profile in life, trying to avoid all perceived dangers. Jenny on the other

hand coped by trying always to be prepared for whatever might happen next. Fear

of germs, disease or illness was often a focus for them. Mother stayed away from

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any situation in which she or her family might come in contact with a germ of any

kind. Jenny constantly washed her hands to be prepared in case she came in

contact with the germ. This individual dynamic played out in every part of their

relationship. As the mother ran away from the fears, Jenny became more and more

angry. She wanted her mother to stop running away, to be in control of her own

fears and to help Jenny find a way to feel safe and prepared to deal with the fears in

her life. The father was an enneagam type 8 fearing a loss of control in his life.

Childhood for him consisted of memories of being bullied by neighborhood children

and experiencing physical and emotional trauma until he learned to fight back and

protect himself. He wanted his wife and children to be strong, unafraid and in

control of their lives. While he provided Jenny some of the boundaries she needed

to regain self control, he was frustrated with her unnatural fears and her out of

control behaviors. Jenny felt his frustration as a lack of respect and acceptance of

her. The more forceful he became the more she rebelled. If he ignored her, she

acted out to get his attention. The key was to help each family member understand

their own fear and then to see how the behavior from this fear interacted with the

fears of the others. Jenny had to know that she was not some broken person with

obsessive compulsive label. As Jenny and her mother explored their hypervigilence

to perceived threats in their environment , they learned that often what they

perceived as a threat was just a false perception and they could choose a different

way of responding. Mother became stronger, quit running away and began setting

limits for Jenny. Jenny felt safer and could let go of many of the fears that she had

adopted from her Mother. The father learned that his need to control himself, his

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family and his environment was just his inner child trying to stay safe through the

controlling behaviors. He could now let his wife and daughter express their fear

without attempting to force his views upon them. His ability to have the softer more

vulnerable approach with them allowed him to help them find their own inner

strengths. The enneagram itself is diagnostic in nature but understanding the fear

motivation that it provides has allowed me to develop many self help tools for both

the reprograming of the fear in the conscious and subconscious mind. With the

awareness and some of these interventions, Jenny’s obsessive hand washing stopped

as did her out of control fights with her parents. She is now a beautiful young

woman, who has excelled in academics and sports and will soon enter college.

It has been my dream to help lead children and the inner child in adults out

of fear and back into the joy of life. I hope that today’s children will no longer be

forced to forget that they are spiritual beings experiencing life in a physical body.

Until now, all generations have forgotten their true identity and have been forced by

life, usually through emotional crises and physical illness, to unlearn the fears

imprinted upon us in early childhood. I know this new generation of love-based

children will bring to our world the peace and love needed to truly live the Golden

Age.

I have found that there are only four rules of childrearing necessary for this new

generation.

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Respect the Soul of Self: Teach the child to listen and obey that still,

small voice within them. Adults sometimes refer to this as intuition, the

Holy Spirit or God Voice. I find that boys often like to call it their Wizard

Voice and girls their Faerie or Angel Voice. Establish a name with your

child for their voice and constantly refer to it when you are teaching the

child or when the child is making a decision. Children hear this voice

naturally in the early years of their lives. It is only that as we adults

ignore it and teach the child not to acknowledge this inner wisdom that

they forget it. Eventually this internal guidance system will allow the

child to accept responsibility for their own emotional reactions and

lessons rather than blaming others, which leads to external conflict. This

voice expresses our highest truth on any given subject. When we learn to

respect it in ourselves and give the same respect to other people even

though their truths may be different, we are creating a world based on

tolerance.

Respect the Soul Of Others: Teach your child to respect the souls of

others by teaching them to respect you. As a child does not reach the age

of reason (able to think about their own thoughts) until about twelve years

of age, the parents are the primary mirrors for reflecting to the child what

they should think and feel about themselves and others. When you love

yourself enough to lovingly but firmly demand that the child respect your

rights they will also learn to respect the rights of other living beings in

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their life. If a child hits you or yells at you; respond by verbalizing, “I

know that you are feeling angry about…, however, I love myself too much

to allow you or anyone to hit or to speak to me in that way. You may have

a red angry pillow, which is all yours and we will keep it in this closet. If

you are angry, you may go get the pillow and hit or yell at it”. As we

learn to express our anger in healthy ways and eventually to see anger or

any negative emotion as an opportunity for self-growth, we will create a

world based on love and respect for all.

Remove all Fear Base from the Child’s Life: Consider your role as a

parent to be that of establishing a living laboratory in which the child can

explore and learn about him/herself and how to relate to the world as that

self. Encourage exploration and learning. This often requires taking

risks. This is how we learn and move ahead. We all fall physically and

emotionally at times and we learn to get up and try a different way.

Children who are taught to be afraid of falling or failure grow into adults

whose lives are very limited in every way. Establish boundaries that are

based only on true safety guidelines not your own habitual fears or old

ideas of parenting. If a young child runs out in front of a car, by all

means pull him/her back to safety but do not overreact with your voice or

emotional behaviors. Simply point out the consequences of the child’s

behavior and ask them to consult their faerie or wizard voice as to what

would have been the appropriate behavior. The quicker you can help the

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child to consult with this guidance before acting, the safer your child will

be. When we as humans remove the fear by our knowing that the only true

guarantee of safety is to follow our higher truth through inner guidance,

we will create a world where God’s laws are the basis of our actions and

there will no longer be a need for man’s laws. At last a world of higher

evolved beings, we can come into unity; back to the ONE.

Love your Children Unconditionally. We tell our children that of course

we love them but then proceed through our behaviors and speech to make

them feel that our love and approval of them as a person is based on

things such as grades, their behavior in public, or their ability to take care

of us, etc. This creates adults who are workaholics, perfectionists and

people pleasers, all in an effort to receive love and approval from others

in their lives. The child should be loved for the being that they are.

Verbalize this to the child often and separate this issue from any efforts to

correct their behavior. Hold your child and hug them often. When we

create a world of children who have been loved unconditionally, we will

have created a world where DIVINE LOVE is our existence.

Lastly teach your child that what we focus on is what we get in our lives.

In relationships if a person is 99% negative in their attitude and only 1%

positive, if you focus on that 1%, you will only ever see this side of the

person. In doing this we create less struggle in our own lives but we also

hold the mirror for others to see who they really are without fear and

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assist them in their own growth. When we create a world of children who

focus only on the goodness, then we will see the peace of God created here

in earth.

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR PARENTING! EACH CHILD IS A GIFT TO

THIS WORLD AND YOU WERE CHOSEN AS A GUIDE. REMEMBER

THAT THE CHILD IS THE ARROW AND THAT YOU ARE THE BOW.

YOUR JOB IS TO REMAIN FLEXIBLE AND ALLOW THE ARROW TO

MOVE THROUGH YOU. YOU ARE NOT THE ARCHER; GOD IS THE

ARCHER; DO NOT TRY TO DO HIS/HER JOB. CONSULT WITH THE

ARCHER WHENEVER YOU FIND YOURSELF IN DOUBT.

*Taken from Kahlil Gibran

*Please note that the age of the child in the stories is not related to the particular

Enneagram. The description of parent behavior is often more subtle in reality than is

described in the stories. Behaviors that imprint the Enneagram are most often associated

with the parents but can stem from older siblings, others living in the home and

occasionally school personnel. The wizard and faerie represent our internal divine male

and divine female. Let your child tell you which they prefer to use.

It is suggested that you read your child the beginning and then a different Enneagram

each night as you would with a book of fairy tales.

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NOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF THAT KIDS LIKE

Message to the Wizards & the Faeries of Earth:

There is a planet in our beautiful galaxy where Faeries and Wizards come to

learn. They want to learn about Truth and Love and how to use their powers. This

planet is called Earth.

Each Faerie or Wizard starts as a piece of energy that looks like a beautiful

sparkling light. It is a dazzling white light but when it shines on something, you can

see all of the colors of the rainbow in it. Each light slides down a special sliding

board made of beams of light sometimes known as dimensions made of electric and

magnetic strings. When the light gets close to Earth, the big magnet around the

Earth pulls it into a body made of matter. Matter is energy that we can see with our

eyes.

Picture

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Now something very special happens. The lights will forget that they are

lights, they think that they are just bodies. They will not remember that they are

very powerful. While they are growing up on Earth they will learn to be afraid of

people and monsters and things they feel are bigger or more important or smarter

than they think that they are. Now these bodies called children must try to learn

how to be safe, how to get smarter and what they have to do to get other people,

especially big people called adults, to love them. Sometimes while they are learning,

these children feel scared or angry or sad. Sometimes the adults help them to feel

better but sometimes the adults make them feel worse. This is because all adults still

have a little child inside of them who is still trying to learn too.

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There is a very big secret that I want you to remember as you are reading this book.

That light inside of you never went away, even when your brain forgot it. The light

has a voice, which a lot of children call their Faerie or Wizard voice. When you

learn to listen to this voice and do what it tells you, you never have to be afraid

again! The voice always tells you how to be safe. The voice loves you so it tells you

how to love other people. The voice also has something called wisdom. Wisdom is

the best kind of smart - it is the smartest. Now you are safe and you have love and

wisdom. You always know the truth and you do the truth. Most big people do not

know this secret, so you will have to help teach them. This is why you came to the

earth; to remember that you are the Wizard and the Faerie and to help other people

learn so we can have a happier world.

Now I want you to remember that there is a magic key that will help you to know

what it is that you are afraid of and to help you get rid of this fear. The key is called an

ENNEAGRAM. There are nine different fears and each has its own key so you must pick

which is yours. The following stories will help you to pick the right one. Once you see

the fear you will know that it is not real and you can just laugh at it and tell yourself the

real truth that the Wizard or Faerie inside of you knows.

Picture

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ENNEAGRAM # ONE

My name is Michael. I am five years old. I picked this Enneagram light beam coming to

my house because I am a wizard who wants to learn about perfect. Perfect means

everything is right so nothing is wrong. I think that for me to be a perfect little boy

means that I have to do everything the way that Mommy and Daddy say and then they

will tell me that I am a perfect boy and that they love me a lot. This makes me feel very

good.

My daddy loves me a lot and I think that he is already perfect. He shows me how to eat

without getting dirty, how to play basketball in the one just right way and how to read my

books in the perfect way so I will be smart and perfect just like him. My mommy wants

to be the perfect mommy too but she is not so sure what perfect is. So she tells me to do

what daddy says is perfect and then she shows me how special I am to her. When I have

to do a project at school, I get scared because I think that I cannot do it perfect enough.

Right now mommy or daddy does my project for me, but I am scared that when I grow

up and live somewhere without them, I won’t be able to do my work by myself.

Sometimes I don’t feel like being perfect. Something inside of me wants to do something

that I want to do and mommy and daddy don’t like it. Now there is big trouble. Like the

times when I was 2 years old and daddy read me a bed time story and then I was

supposed to go to my big boy bed and go to sleep. But I did not feel sleepy and I wanted

to play some more. My little sister who just got born got to sleep in mommy and daddy’s

room and when she cried they picked her up. But when I cried they said I was not being

a big boy. I got so mad. I have temper tantrums when I am mad because I want to learn

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that even when I am not acting like mommy and daddy want me to and I am trying out

how I feel, I am still a perfect little boy who is loved just because I am me. It would help

if mommy and daddy reminded me that I am perfect so I do not need to cry to try and

make things my way. Sometimes I need time out by myself so that I can learn to fix

myself. The wizard inside of me knows that he and I are both perfect and we love each

other. This is the magic key. I AM perfect because I am the wizard and when I listen to

my wizard voice, which tells me what to do, it will be perfect. Now if mommy and

daddy could just learn that my wizard voice knows what is best for me!

Picture

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My name is Nena. I am seven years old. My mommy and daddy think that I am mostly

perfect because I have 2 brothers and I am the little girl that they wanted. One time I

heard them say that they had another little girl before me but she went back to heaven.

She was perfect and they want me to be like her. Even though I am perfect because I am

a girl, there are some things that boys can do that a girl can never do perfect. Boys can

play sports better, they can make more money and some people think boys are smarter.

Inside of me my faerie knows this is not true but to be perfect like mommy and daddy

want me to, I have to act this way. Sometimes this makes me very angry because I try

very hard to be as perfect as my brothers but they never think I am as good as my

brothers at these things. Even when I am a perfect little girl for mommy and daddy, there

is one way that I can never be perfect enough. I am too fat. They do not like this and are

always trying to help me fix it. The me inside of me feels sad and mad - I wish they just

loved me no matter what I did or what I look like. This is the magic key. I am the faerie

inside of me and I am perfect. When I listen to my faerie voice I act perfect for me too.

Picture

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ENNEAGRAM #1

PERFECT SAND CASTLES

Michael and Nena were at the beach. The sand was warm under their feet. The
sunlight was hip-hopping across the blue water, and the sky was filled with cotton-ball
clouds.

“Let’s build a sand castle,” said Michael.

“OK,” said Nina. “That sounds like fun.”

“ My daddy knows the best way to build a perfect castle. First we
should pile up lots and lots of sand and then we fill all our pails with water.”

“Maybe we should draw a picture of it first, “ said Nina, “then we –“

“That’s dumb. We don’t have any paper, “ answered Michael. All of
sudden he felt nervous inside. It was the same kind of scared feeling when
he could not sleep at night because of all thr bad things he was thinking in
his brain. He knew it was so important to do it perfectly.

“You’re right,” said Nina. She, too, wanted to get it just right.
“Anyway boys know how to build sand castles better than girls.”

Bling! Twinkle! Poof! Slipping, then sliding, then finally sitting
on Nina’s shoulder was-- a faerie dressed all in sparkles.

“ Nina, love,” she said in a voice like a bell. “There are many kinds of
perfect castles. And YOU know how to build YOUR perfect castle. Give it
a try! Listen to your magic key—the faerie voice inside of you and-- create!
Whatever you make will be perfect for this moment!”

Bong! Whoosh! Splot! A shiny wizard stood up beside Michael and dusted the
sand off his long robe.

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“Oops! he said. “ Pardon me--I nearly stepped on a crab! Now,
where was I? Oh, yes. Have no fear, Michael. You know how to build a
castle that is YOUR perfect castle. Just remember-- listen to your inner
wizard voice. That’s the key. Oh, and dirt is part of the fun!”

Bling! Poof! Bong! The fairy and the wizard disappeared. Michael
and Nina looked at each other. Then--- quite quickly really--- they both
began to build a castle. Several seagulls gathered to watch them. Time
passed.

“I’m done!” shouted Michael.

“Me, too!” laughed Nina.

And there--on the beach-- were TWO perfect castles. Nina’s castle
had round piles of sand for rooms and seashells for windows. Michael’s
castle had towers and more towers with seaweed roofs.

“Wow!” said Michael when he saw Nina’s castle.

“Wow to you, too!” said Nina. “Now what we need is---“

“A bridge!! “ said Michael and Nina at the same time.

Then these two friends began to build a perfect bridge made of seashells and
seaweed and sand to connect the two perfect castles. Bling! Bong! Whee!

Picture

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I want my mommy and daddy to know this:

I am afraid of being bad or wrong.

I think that mommy/daddy say that I am good or ok if I do what

they think is right.

I think that the world is not perfect and I have to make it perfect.

I wish they would say, “It is ok to make mistakes. You are good

even when you make a mistake”.

We learn from making mistakes.

Then I can grow up to know that maybe other people are right too.

Maybe someone else has a better idea. Maybe other people will

learn for themselves. Maybe I have done everything that I can do.

This would make me feel better than when I get mad at myself or

other people because they do not do something right like mommy

and daddy taught me.

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ENNEAGRAM # TWO

My name is Allan. I am six years old. I came on a light beam into my house because it

was Jewish. My mommy and daddy loved being Jewish but my daddy said that other

people did not always like Jewish people. He taught me that Jewish people could not

always belong like other kids at school or other grown-ups at work. He said I should not

trust people who were not Jewish. Jewish is just one way to be different. I learned that

people have rules and if you follow those rules, then they will let you belong with them

even if you are different. I feel a good kind of feeling called pride when I can belong with

other people. Some of the kid rules to belong for a boy are: be good at playing sports,

dress like the other kids, go to a smart school, take care of other people and make sure

that you have money. It helps to be strong too. My dad is strong and he works very hard

but he does not trust other people. My mother is very smart and she is pretty but she is

very busy and I have to wait until she has time to talk to me and play with me.

Sometimes I get tired of trying to be like other kids and I want to just be me. My mother

is afraid I will get hurt and my dad always says no. Like if I decide I want to study Jewish

and go to the barmitzvah when I am 13 years old, my dad says no because if people who

are not Jewish are my boss someday they will not let me be a big boss. He knows

because this happened to him. How do I know where I should belong? The wizard

inside of me knows. He says that when I forget about what other people are telling me

and I listen to him, then he and I belong together and I will be happy. This is the magic

key.

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Picture

My name is Jennifer Tina. I am eight years old. I like to slide down the staircase at my

house but my mommy says that is bad manners and people will not like you unless you

have good manners. I am not sure what manners are but I think they are rules you have

to obey. So sometimes I slide down the staircase when no one is looking because if no

one sees me it can’t be bad manners. My daddy has some rules too but he is not home

very much. I like to wear pretty clothes and it feels so good when grown ups tell me

what a pretty little girl I am. Sometimes I feel very sad because it is not ok to have the

feelings that I have inside. Like one day when I was at the zoo with mommy and daddy

and my balloon broke. I was sad but they said that I was not allowed to cry because

everyone would see that I was being a baby. I knew that meant that mommy and daddy

would not like me either. They said I should think about all of the children who never

had a balloon and maybe give my next balloon to another child. Now sometimes when I

get mad at all of the rules and manner stuff, I have a temper tantrum; I act different than

everyone else and I try to tell them that it is unfair to make me be their way. But

sometimes…. I just do it when they are not looking and then I feel guilty. It is so hard to

follow other people’s rules and still be me. But the faerie inside of me says she has the

magic key. I am the faerie, we belong to each other and she always knows the right thing

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for me to do if I just listen to her. Other people’s rules might be wrong for me but she

always knows what is right. Now I can belong with the other faeries and wizards (those

are the really smart kids).

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ENNEAGRAM #2
PUMPKINS AND POPCORN BALLS

Jennifer and Alan were in the second grade together. They were excited because
their teacher Miss Larkspur was planning a fall festival that would last all day on Friday.
She asked every student to bring something to the party.

On the bus ride home they talked about what to bring.

“I’m going to bring candy apples,” said Alan. “That’s something that
is always at fall festivals. I know that the other kids in the class will really
like them. “

“I don’t like them,” said Jennifer. “They always stick to my teeth. I’m
going to bring apple cider. Miss Larkspur said she LOVES apple cider.
That will make her really happy.”

“She never said that,” said Alan.

“She did too,” said Jennifer.

As the bus came to a stop at their corner they jumped down the steps
still arguing.

“Did not,” said Alan.
“Did too,” said Jennifer.

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The door closed behind them and the bus roared off down the street.
Sitting on the fence post near the two children was a very large carved
pumpkin. It had two round eyes, a triangle nose and a large smiling mouth
with two teeth. A light glowed inside the pumpkin.

“Have you considered chocolate covered ants, maybe deviled eggs or
yogurt raisins?” said the pumpkin.

“Did that pumpkin just say something?” asked Alan.

“I think so,” said Jennifer. “Look, it’s shaking!”

Just then the top of the pumpkin flew into the air and landed with a
plop at their feet. Sitting on the pumpkin top was a wizard and beside him
a faerie. Both were wearing black robes that were decorated with tiny
orange and silver lights that were blinking on and off.

They spoke at the same time..in rhyme.

Apples--- shmapples!

We heard what you said and we say---BOO!
Boo HOOEY!
Choose what YOU want to bring
For YOUEY!

Inside you is a key
A voice to guide your choice.
Listen up and trust—wizard and faerie—aka--us!

“POPCORN BALLS!” shouted Alan suddenly. “That’s what I love!
That’s what I’ll bring.”

“Still too sticky for me,” said Jennifer. “But I know what I want to
bring --pumpkin cupcakes with white icing and licorice for faces.”

“I don’t like licorice.” And I get mad when I try hard to make other
people happy and then they don”t help me when they are suppose to.

26

“Well, you don’t have to eat it. That’s OK by me. Friends?” said
Jennifer.

“Friends!” Said Alan. “This party is gonna be fun!”

“Yippee!! Whoop dee dee. Time to skeedaddle. Whee!”

And Jennifer and Alan looked up just in time to see a pumpkin top fly
up into the air, over the trees and out of sight.

Picture

eres

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I want mommy and daddy to know:

I am afraid that I am not special enough to be loved.

I think that mommy and daddy are telling me that I am ok if other

people love me and want to be with me. It is not ok for me to need

something for me.

I think that people in the world need my help, they depend on me.

.

I wish they would tell me that they want me just because I am me.

Then when I grow up I could feel that maybe it is ok to let other

people take care of things. Maybe a person already loves me in

the way that they know how to love. Maybe I could do something

fun for me too. This would feel better than always giving

everything that is mine to others and always having to look and act

the way other people think that I should; and then getting mad if

they do not do what I want them to do.

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ENNEAGRAM # THREE

My name is Mary Beth and I am five years old. I am an actress. I am very good at doing

just what other people want me to do because I have learned that my parents and other

people will love me and take care of me when I do what they want me to do. I am so

good at acting that I do not remember who I really am or what I really want. Grown-ups

call this deceiving yourself. I even let people be mean to me sometimes because I want

them to take care of me and if I tell them NO they might not like me any more and I will

be all alone. Sometimes I get mad when mommy and daddy do not pay attention to me

even when I am doing what they want so I like to try doing wrong things. It feels good

when I am doing the wrong things because it is what I want to do. But I get scared

mommy and daddy will find out and then they will be mad and maybe they won’t love

me anymore. So mostly I am very good at all of my work and then everybody loves me

for that.

Picture

29

My name is Travis. I am seven years old. I have two fathers; a father, and a stepfather

who lives with us. Some of my brothers and sisters have a different father than mine. My

mother loves us but she is very busy with all of the children. She loves me the most when

I do my work at home and at school. I really like to be in school plays. Sometimes I get

sad and mad trying to do the things mommy and daddy want me to do. One day mommy

gave me my older brother’s cowboy boots because they did not fit him anymore. She

told me to shine them and put them on. I did a good job shining them but they were so

tight that I had to keep trying to get them on. I wish I could have my own cowboy boots

because I am special just for me. Putting on others people’s things can be so hard. But if

you don’t do it, you might not have anything to wear. So I just keep doing what other

people tell me and sometimes I get sad and sometimes I even get sick. I wonder if I

really am a cowboy?

Picture

30

ENNEAGRAM #3
CURTAIN UP!

Travis and Mary Beth were at the church recreation hall with ten other
children. Together they were practicing for a play. Mrs. Brenner was the
director of the play. She always made the children laugh because she got so
excited. She would run back and forth in front of the stage and talk in funny
voices to help them do their parts.

But when it came time for Mary Beth to sing her special song with the
hallelujahs, she just couldn’t do it right today. Usually she sang it perfectly
But today--no matter how many times she tried--- she forgot the words, or
she would look at the floor or -worst of all -sometimes she would open her
mouth and no sound would come out at all.

Travis was painting the scenery for the play. But all his flowers
looked like basketballs with leaves. He spent most of his time watching the
other children on the stage.

Although Mrs. Brenner was very busy, she wasn’t too busy to notice
that Mary Beth and Travis were not really enjoying what they were doing.
Now Mrs. Brenner wanted the children to have a good time. So, after the
practice was over, she asked Mary Beth and Travis to stay for a minute.

“All right, kiddos,” she said. “I can see that you are not having much
fun. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Mary Beth blurted out. “ My Mommy and my Daddy love it when I
sing. But I don’t want to sing.” Sometimes I pretend so much for mommy
and daddy that I forget the part inside of me that is the real me.

“Hmmmm,” said Mrs. Brenner. “Travis?”

“Oh,” said Travis. “Painting stuff is OK I guess. My brother said it
was cool. He did it.”

“Tell you what,” said Mrs. Brenner. “Let’s all three of us go home
tonight and think about this. OK is just Ok. I want you both to love what

31

you’re doing. That’s the way this play will be great. And then the audience
will think so too!”

That night when Mary Beth went to sleep she had a dream. In the
dream she was looking in a golden mirror at a little girl in the mirror looked
just like Mary Beth except the girl was wearing a red velvet dress. Then the
girl began talking and sparkles danced all around her.

“I am the light inside you. I am your faerie voice. Do what makes
you happy. Do what you love to do. Then all will be well.”

That same night Travis dreamed he was dancing. He was turning
summersaults. He was jumping up and down. Music was exploding out of
him. A wizard was watching him and clapping. “You’re having fun now!”
he said to Travis.

The next afternoon at play practice, Mrs. Brenner called Mary Beth
and Travis over to the side of the stage.

“Well,” she said, “What—“

But before she could say anymore Mary Beth reached over and touched the
red velvet curtains hanging beside the stage.

“I want to pull the curtains,” she said. “ I want to move the trees and
the flowers. I want to turn the lights off and on.” She was so excited she
was almost shouting.

“Wonderful, “ said Mrs. Brenner. “This play needs a stage manager .
Mary Beth, I know you will do a marvelous job. You are as bright as a
Christmas tree bulb. Now Travis how about you?”

Travis coughed and looked at the floor. Then without saying a word
he did his dance for Mrs. Brenner. Just like in his dream. And she laughed
and clapped just like the wizard.

“Oh, Travis,” she said, “that is one happy dance. Since Mary Beth
isn’t going to sing her song, you can dance to the music. Oh, I’m so excited.
This play is going to be the best ever.”

32

She hugged them both and then walked to the center of the stage humming her
favorite song. “Sing Hallelujah, Come On Get Happy.”
Picture

33


I am afraid of not being special, of not being important to anyone,

I think that mommy and daddy are telling me that I am good or ok only if I

do special things. It is not ok to have my own feelings or my own identity.

I think that the world likes people who always win and so I must not fail.

I wish they would say, “You are loved for yourself, not what you do.

Maybe I don’t have to be the best. Maybe people will like me just the way

I am. Maybe what other people think of me is not important. This would

feel better than always trying to be a person that really isn’t me.

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ENNEAGRAM # 4

My name is Nancy. I am eight years old. I know that my mommy loves me but I cannot

feel her love inside of me. I think maybe this is my fault, maybe I did something wrong

when I was a baby and she took the feeling part of her love away. Maybe if I watch my

sisters and other people that she loves I can learn how to get her feeling love back. My

father loves me too but I always get embarrassed because he does things to be funny but

they are not very funny to other people like my friends and me. I do not want to grow up

and be like him. I feel very sad a lot. I cry a lot and try to tell them that I want them to

love me but they do not understand because they think that they are already loving me. I

get jealous of other kids who get to be loved in the feeling way by their parents. This

feeling is called envy. They are always happy and I want to be like them. So I play with

them for a while but it doesn’t work so then I quit playing with them.

Picture

35

My name is Victor. I am five years old. My mommy is sad a lot. I wish that I could fix

her and make her happy but I do not know how. So this makes me feel very sad. I feel

like I am all by myself a lot. My daddy works all of the time but sometimes he takes me

with him. He is nice but he has a lot of rules and I get tired of waiting in the car when he

goes to see his customers. I want to be happy and do fun things. My friends always have

more fun than me and I do not know why. Maybe if I had my own horse I could have fun

but….mommy says you can’t have a real horse in the city and I would be allergic to the

horse anyway. I will keep trying to learn how to be happy, maybe if I try hard to help

other people be happy then I can be happy too.

Picture

36

ENNEAGRAM #4
THE MAGIC ROSE

Nancy and Victor were very excited. They were in a school chorus.
Today was the day their teacher would announce who would get to sing the
special solo in the school concert. Both Nancy and Victor wanted to be the
one that would be chosen.

Nancy looked at the other girls. She wished she had a bright red dress
with shoes to match like Suzy. Suzy’s mother was fun, too. Nancy wished
her mother would hold her hand and laugh with her like Suzy’s mother did
when she picked Suzy up after school.

Victor didn’t think it was fair that only one person would get a solo.
He really wanted to be the one chosen because that would show the other
kids that he was the best. But the teacher would probably pick one of the
girls. They were her favorites.

“Children, I’m pleased to say that this year’s soloist will be Suzy
Saunders. Congratulations!”

When Nancy heard that she tried hard not to cry. Victor wanted to
throw something. They both said, “this is too hard, we can’t work hard and
then watch someone else win”. We deserve to feel sad and angry.

“Now, let’s all sing High Hopes and warm up our voices,” said their
teacher.

After the practice both Victor and Nancy sat down on the bench in
front of the school while they waited for their parents to pick them up.
Beside the bench was a flower garden that the first graders had planted last
year. There were daisies, marigolds and a rose bush,

“ I don’t want to sing in the chorus,” said Nancy.

“Me either,” said Victor. “It’s dumb.”

“Dum Dee Dum Dee Dum. Chorus is Dumb!” sang Nancy.

37

“ I want to be the one, the one the special one,” sang Victor.

“Me, too, Me too.” Nancy sang out even louder.

“No!” Victor spoke in an angry voice. “There can’t be two special
ones.”

Suddenly, a cool breeze shook the rose bush in the flower garden
beside the bench. The roses began to glow. Nancy looked at them in
wonder. She went over and carefully picked a bright red blossom. A soft
perfume filled the air. Inside her she felt a tingling. Then she heard a tiny
voice.

“Dear child, I am your faerie. Remember to listen to me. Inside you
are songs and stories, and paintings that only you can make. When you
remember to play in that way, joy will come each day.”

Nancy ran back to Victor. She held out the rose.

“Do you hear anything?”

“Roses can’t talk,” said Victor.

But then, just like Nancy, Victor felt a tingling inside. Then he heard a
soft, low voice.

“Oh, my boy, I am your wizard light. Inside you are songs and
stories, and paintings that only you can make. Look at the clouds, what do
you see? Don’t wait for someone to ask you now. Make it anywhere,
anyhow.”

“Yes,” said Victor. “I hear it. I hear it. Hey, that cloud looks like a
dragon.”

“And that one is a ship on a stormy sea,” said Nancy.

38

Beep, Beep! Their parents were calling them.

“Bye! Goodbye,” Nancy and Victor called to each other as they ran to
the cars.

Soon after Nancy and Victor left, another child came over to sit down
on the bench and wait. The rose bush in the garden began to glow.

“Roses are red, violets are blue
You are enough,” whispered the rose faerie.
“And special too,” whispered the wizard rose.

Picture


I am afraid that I am not important just because I am me.

I think that mommy and daddy are telling me that I am good or ok

if I am the me they want. I should not say what I feel. The me they

want should be - not too busy or too happy just me but I do not

know

who the real me is and I don’t know how to find me.

39

I think that something is missing inside of me that other people

have and that I am all alone.

I wish they would say, we see you for the beautiful person you are

and there is nothing wrong with you. Other people will understand

you and support you too. Maybe other people even feel the same

way that you do. This would feel better than always comparing

myself to other kids and feeling that I am not as good.

40

ENNEAGRAM # 5

My name is Eric. I am eight years old. My mother loves me a lot but she is always trying

to fix me and tell me how to feel. I think sometimes that I am being smothered. I just

want my own space to be alone. Grown-ups sometimes call this feeling avarice. It

means to not want to share myself with other people. If I try to talk about my feelings, my

mother tries to fix them and my father tells me they are wrong. He thinks I should be

better about doing my schoolwork. It is safer not to talk about my feelings. When I am

alone I feel safe and I can think. I like to draw and make things like go-karts that are fast

and powerful. I like computers a lot. You do not have to feel with computers but you can

feel powerful using them. My little brother drives me crazy because he will not leave me

alone. My parents cannot make him quit bothering me. I get so mad sometimes that I hit

him or the mad energy in my body makes me shake. I want to help the world to be a

better place but I do not know how I can if everyone does not leave me alone.

Picture

41

My name is Alison. I am seven years old. My parents call me Mr. Spock because I am

smart at school and very good at computers. Mr. Spock is on TV-on Star-Trek. I like

being smart but I feel sad that I do not know how to have fun. Sometimes I think I did

come from another planet. My mother is always trying to help me too much and my

father works a lot and doesn’t want to spend time playing with my brother and me. So I

run away to my room a lot and hide. Sometimes I read or play by myself and sometimes

I just sleep.

Picture

42

ENNEAGRAN #5
HIDEOUTS

Eric and Allison live side by side on Concord Avenue. Behind each of their
houses is a small woods filled with pine trees—a perfect place to find a hideout.

Early one sunny afternoon Eric and Allison set off to do just that. Allison was
wearing her backpack from school. Eric was carrying a large bucket filled with string,
scissors, a shovel and some of his favorite toy cars.
Into the woods they went. But it wasn’t long before they heard Eric’s little brother
calling out to them.

“Oh, no, it’s Jimmy,” cried Eric. “Hurry! Hide! He’ll ruin everything.”

He ran as fast as he could and hid behind a huge pine tree.

“Safe!” he called.

“ Sshhhh!” said Allison. “ He’ll hear you. Your little brother is a pest. Just like
mine.”

She saw a large bush in front of her. She pulled apart the branches and crawled
inside just in time.

Jimmy went running by. “Eric, where are you? I’m gonna find you!” he shouted.

As Allison hid there in the big bush, she noticed that the branches made a high
arch over her head. She could see out, but no one could see in. The ground was dry and
soft.

“I found my special space,” she thought to herself.

Yesterday she had carefully put together everything she needed to make her own
private hiding space. She had a bottle of water, some crackers, a pencil, paper for
drawing, a book and a blanket. As she spread all these things out she felt how peaceful it
was to be all by herself. Now she could be free to think. No one could bother her.

Meanwhile Eric found a hideout of his own under a huge pine tree. He gathered
branches from on the ground. Then he tied them together with string to make a wall. He
used the special knot he had learned from his knot-tying book. This was going to be
great. His little brother Jimmy would never find him.

“Nice hideout.”

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Eric jumped at the sound of the voice. Where was it coming from? Eric looked
down and there--sitting on a pinecone was—a wizard!

“I would prefer a somewhat more comfortable chair!” The wizard stood up. He
waved his hands and presto-- a blue velvet cushion appeared. Then he sat down and
grinned happily at Eric.

“Much better!” he declared.

“Allison!” called Eric. “Allison.”

But Allison didn’t hear him because inside her hideout was a faerie. She fluttered
next to Allison and whispered in her ear.

“Lovely, lovely—no one can find you here.”

“That’s good,” said Allison.

The faerie waved her wand. The faerie spoke softly. Allison felt a warm feeling
grow in her heart.

“Allison, Allison. Here’s your magic key.
You can make a private space outside that only you can find.
And you have a special space inside of you where only you can go. Listen, listen
for my voice inside of you that only you can know.
A voice that says to your heart and to your mind
--It’s safe to share, it’s safe to grow--.”

Allison felt such a happy feeling inside that she called out to Eric.
“ Eric, come here.”

Eric heard Allison calling. “Where are you?”

“Here,” Allison stuck her head out of her hide-out. “You can come in.”

“Wow, this is cool,” said Eric.

Poof! The wizard appeared beside him.

“Oh,” Allison clapped her hands. “First a faerie and now a wizard. It’s magic.”

“Listen, my boy,” said the wizard. “A private space is good to have, but friends
are too. Inside of you is a heart that’s true. That’s the magic key.

It’s OK to tell others-- even little brothers—
I want to be alone,

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But remember-- heart to heart is the spell
That will serve you well.

“We’re always with you,” whispered the faerie and the wizard. Then, in a
shimmer of light, they disappeared.

Eric and Allison sat quietly together for awhile.

Suddenly they heard, “Allison! Eric! Where are you? I’m gonna find you!!”

“It’s Jimmy,” said Eric.

“Are you gonna hide? asked Allison.

But it was too late. Jimmy heard the voices and burst into the hideout.

“Hey!. I found you!” he cried. “You can’t hide from me.”

“Jimmy I didn’t invite you to come in here,” said Allison.

“My mom said I could come and find you.” he whined.

“Jimmy, you can’t come bursting in on people. Sometimes I want to see you, but
sometimes I want to be alone. Like now. “ said Allison.

“Come on, Jimmy,” said Eric. They climbed out of Allison’s hideout.

Eric looked down at his little brother. Then he remembered the Wizard and felt a
warm feeling in his heart.

“Jimmy, I’ll help you build a hide-out next to mine. But you can’t bug me all the
time. Promise?”

“OK, promise.” said Jimmy. He pulled a bag of peanuts out of his pocket.
“Would you like some?”

Eric took some peanuts. “Come on. Let’s look over here.”

Allison watched from her hide-out. Tomorrow maybe Jimmy could share her hideout.
But today she wanted to be alone. She picked up her paper and pencil and began to
draw. Soon the paper was filled with prancing horses and sailboats.

45

Picture

I want mommy and daddy know:

I am afraid of not being helpful, and not being able to do things right.

I think that my mommy and daddy are telling me I am good or ok if I have

completely learned the right way to do something. It is not ok to feel

happy in the world until I have learned to do it all right.

I think that the world is invasive and I need privacy to keep my energy and

to think.

I wish they would say that what I need is not a problem for them.

Maybe when I grow up then I can trust people and tell them what I need.

I can be happy in the world. My future will be ok. Then I can feel safe

inside and out. This would feel better than thinking and worrying too

much about what is happening to me.

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ENNEAGRAM # 6

My name is Alex. I am six years old. My father is in the military and he has a lot of

rules. Sometimes he is nice but sometimes he drinks a lot of beer and then he yells a lot

and maybe hits me. One day when I was eating lunch, he was mad because I did not eat

faster. He yelled at me and dumped my plate of food over my head. I felt very very

scared (this is called fear) and like I was a bad person. I felt alone because when daddy

got that mad mommy could not stop him. There was no who could help me to be safe. I

am a little bit scared all of the time now. I do not know when daddy will be mean and I

try hard to stay out of his way. I am very smart but I stay quiet at school because I am

afraid that someone might yell at me like daddy does. I do not like to go to other kids

houses because I think that I am different and everyone is thinking that I am not good.

Picture

47

My name is Maria. I am eight years old. My mother loves me because she wanted me for

a long time before I came. She is very busy though and when my daddy gets mad and

starts yelling at us she gets scared too like me. Daddy says very mean things when he is

not happy. One day my Aunt came to visit and daddy wanted me to come out of my

room and visit with my aunt in the family room. I did not come fast enough and so daddy

came and pulled me by my dress collar. I was so scared when he pushed me on the chair

that I wet my pants. Then I was very embarrassed and very scared. I wish daddy would

love me more and not be so mean. I think that if I can always understand any bad things

that could happen then I can use my brain to know how to stop the bad things from

happening or how to fix them. This makes me have to think all of the time but it helps

me to not be so scared. In school and with a lot of grownups I think that I am smarter

than they are. I get mad when they try to tell me what to do.

Picture

48

ENNEAGRAM #6
COURAGE AND ICE CREAM CONES

The day was very hot. There wasn’t even a breeze to stir the leaves on the trees.
Alex and Maria were playing in the sandbox at the tiny park in their neighbor hood.
Their neighbor Mrs. Bundy was also at the park. She was sitting on one of the benches
reading a book. She was wearing big red sunglasses.

Alex, Maria and Mrs. Bundy were waiting for something--the ice cream truck!
Ding, ding. They heard the familiar bell. There it was. The brightly colored truck came
to stop.

Alex and Maria ran over to it.

‘What will it be?”.said the red-faced ice cream man. “Hurry up! It’s hot!” His
face was all sweaty.

“One vanilla cone, please,” said Alex.

“I want a strawberry one,” said Maria.

“Hold your horses--one at a time,” said the man in a sharp voice.
He handed a cone to Alex. Alex reached up to take it. As he did, the ice cream slid right
off the cone and landed plop! on Maria’s new flowered skirt, then squish! onto the grass.

Maria started to cry. She knew she was going to get yelled at for messing up her
new clothes.

“Watch what you’re doing!” the ice cream man yelled at Alex. “And don’t think
I’m giving you another!”

Alex started to get a shaky feeling inside. He felt very afraid, and he felt like
crying.

Just then Mrs. Bundy, who had been watching everything, walked over to the
truck.

“Excuse me,” she said to the ice cream man. “Accidents happen sometimes, don’t
they---Mister--what is your name, sir?”

“Brown, Mr. Brown,” said the ice cream man.

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“Mr. Brown, I’m Mrs. Bundy. As I was saying, accidents do happen. However,
do you think it is possible that the scoop of ice cream wasn’t pressed on quite firmly
enough and that is why it slid off the cone? And, of course, it is very hot today.”

“Well, maybe,” answered Mr. Brown.

“Anyway, I would like to buy this friend of mine another cone. Alex, please tell
Mr. Brown what you would like. You, too, Maria.”

Mr. Brown handed Alex another vanilla cone and gave a strawberry cone to
Maria. This time the ice cream stayed on the cones.

Mrs. Bundy sat down on a nearby bench with the children. She
helped them wrap napkins around the cones to catch the drips.
“You’re going to have to lick fast on a day like today.” She
laughed. “Maria, I’ll help you wash out that skirt. We’ll use
some water from the drinking fountain. In this heat that skirt will
dry in no time at all.”

Alex and Maria sat still and licked their ice cream cones. The cold, sweet ice
cream tasted delicious!

“Children, while you lick away, I want to tell you a story,” said Mrs. Bundy.
“You know that I used to be a child, too,” she said. “And I was afraid when big people
yelled at me. In fact, sometimes, even today, when people yell so loudly, I still can feel a
little bit scared. But I found a magic key that helped me.”

“What was it?” said Maria. She had a bit of strawberry ice cream on her nose.

“I learned to have courage. And I learned courage because I learned to listen to
the voice inside me. Sometimes it is the voice of a faerie; sometimes it is the voice of a
wizard. When big people start yelling & you are afraid because you do not know what
will happen next, I want you to listen to the voice inside of you. I want you to trust
yourself. That’s the key. It will help keep you safe. Why don’t you try saying that? “I
trust myself.”

“ I trust myself,” said Alex and Maria in between ice cream licks.

“One more time for good measure?” encouraged Mrs. Bundy.

“I trust myself.”

“ Lovely! Oh, and one last thing to remember--sometimes there are other big
people who can help.” She winked at them.

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Alex finished his ice cream. “Thank you,” he said to Mrs. Bundy. “Next time I
get scared, I’m going to listen for my wizard voice.”

“Very good!” said Mrs. Bundy. “ And remember that you and Maria are still
learning about the world. Each day you are growing and changing. Courage, children.
Life will ask you to have courage, and you will have it. Now let’s clean up that skirt,
Maria.”

Alex watched as Maria and Mrs. Bundy walked over to the fountain. He was glad
that Mrs. Bundy had been in the park. As he walked over to the swings, he imagined that
a wizard was walking beside him. Then he imagined that HE was a wizard with a long
grey beard. When he got to the swings, Maria came running over.

“Let’s go high!” she called to Alex.

Maria and Alex each grabbed a swing and then they sat down and began to pump;
their strong legs pulled at the air. Up and up the children went into the sky so blue.

“ Isn’t that the most marvelous thing ever a child can do?!” exclaimed Mrs.
Bundy. She clapped her hands. “Hurray! Hurray!”

Maria heard her and called out. “I’m flying, just like a faerie!”

Yes! Oh, yes!

Picture

51


I am afraid of no one keeping me safe or helping me.

I think that mommy and daddy are saying I am good or ok if I do

everything that they want me to. It is not ok to trust myself.

I think that the world is a threatening (scary) place and I am alone,

I wish they would say that I am safe. That things will work out fine.

I do not have to think about all of the things bad that might happen. I can

trust myself and what I feel. This would feel better than

always hoping that somebody or some plan can keep me safe.

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ENNEAGRAM # 7

My name is Ben. I am five years old. My mommy and daddy love me a lot but I think

that they loved me more before my brother was born when I was four years old. They

used to think that I did every thing right but when my brother came they said “no” a lot

more to things that I want to do. My father does not think that I can do things as good as

I think I can. They talk a lot about being responsible. That is a grown-up word that

means to do stuff the way that they say. Mostly I am happy now and I like to go to

parties but sometimes I get really mad because I know that my way is more fun than the

“responsible” way. When I feel like this I do what I want to do. Sometimes I get in

trouble with my parents and sometimes I feel bad but sometimes I feel good and very

happy because I am doing what I want. When I do a lot of what I want like eat a lot of

ice cream when no one is around, it is called gluttony. Oh, and my kindergarten teacher

also says that I am hyperactive - that means that I have too much energy to sit still the

way she wants me too.

Picture

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My name is Cecilia. I am six years old. I am the only little girl in my family. I have to

help my mother with my brothers. It is important that I learn to take care of myself

because my mother has a lot to do for my brothers and my father. My father does not

understand girls so he does not know how to love me. When I grow up I am going to go

to other countries and have pretty dresses, go to a lot of parties and only have to take care

of myself. I am going to make pretty things and sell them for a lot of money so I can do

anything I want to. If I get married I will marry a man who knows about girls and knows

about responsible and letting you do what you want to do. We will be rich together and

go to a lot of parties.

Picture

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ENNEAGRAM #7
LEMONADE ANYONE

“Lemonade for Sale—25 cents” said the bright yellow sign resting on the
red table. Beside the sign was a big jug filled with lemonade and a stack of paper cups.
Ben and Celia were sitting behind the table. They had gotten up early that morning to set
up their little business.

“Isn’t this fun?” said Ben. ”We’re going to see all our friends.”

“And with the money we make , we can buy some candy,” said Celia. “This IS
fun!”

As the morning went on several children and grown-ups stopped for lemonade.
The blue tin money cup was filling up with quarters.

But Celia was getting bored. She wanted to do something different. Just then
Mattie came running over. She was Celia’s best friend.

“Celia, wanna come over to my house?” she said. “ My
grandma just brought me a whole box of toys she found
at a yard sale. Come on. Let’s go.”

That sounded like fun to Celia.

“Bye, Ben,” said Celia.

“Wait!” said Ben. “You can’t go. You said you were going to sell lemonade
with me.”

“Well, “said Celia, “I did. But now I want to do something else. Bye.”

Ben was mad. Celia wasn’t being ..what was the word he heard his father
say…responsible. She was supposed to help at the stand not just go running off to do
what she wanted to do.

Just then a funny looking man walked over to the stand. He had a very long nose
and was wearing a long purple coat. His hair was white. The hat on his head looked like
a large green peapod.

Where did he come from Ben wondered.

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“Hello young sir. I am Wizard Whoppledopple. But you can call me W.D. Nice
stand you got going here. Having fun?”

“No. Celia left. She shouldn’t have gone.”

“Well, I guess she had other fish to fry. I should say lemons to squeeze.” He
laughed. Sometimes Celia can’t be still for herself so she can’t stay still here with you.

“What am I gonna do now?” said Ben.

“Exactly,” said Wizard Whoppledopple. “What are you going to do?

Then Wizard Whoppledopple began to Hmmmmmm.

Suddenly, Ben heard the same Hmmmmm sound inside his body. Then he heard
a voice say, “ You can stay-- or---you can go. Stay or go. It’s your choice, don’t you
know. Check inside, and you will always know what is the really responsible thing to do.
Go ahead, give it a try.”

So Ben stood very still, listened to the voice inside him. “I’m going to stay here
until all the lemonade is gone,” said Ben to WD. “I said I would and I want to. “

“In that case-- 6 glasses, please. I’m very thirsty.”

So Ben poured the lemonade, and W.D. drank and drank—and drank some more.

Right then Celia came running back and flying above her was---a tiny, sparkling
faerie.

“Ben, look!” Celia handed him a shiny toy fire truck. “This was in the box! This
voice inside me said you would like it, so I came running back to give it to you. It has a
ladder and a hose.”

“ This truck is cool. Thanks, Celia,” said Ben.

“Where’s the lemonade?” asked Celia.

Ben looked at the jug. It was empty. But under the corner were two one dollar
bills.

“This funny looking man drank it all,” said Ben. “What do we do with these?”
He held up the money.

“You keep them,” said Celia. “You stayed here. I went to do something else I
wanted to do more.” The faerie that was floating above Celia’s head sparkled more
brightly. “But we share the money in the cup. I was here and responsible all morning.”

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“OK,” said Ben.

The tiny faerie circled around Celia’s head. Then she buzzed by Ben.

“You have the magic key!!! Both of you! Check inside and see!” she sang out--
and off she flew.

In the distance a tall man dressed in a purple coat and a green hat shaped like a
peapod burped loudly. “Ah, lemonade,” he said.

Picture


I am afraid of not getting things I want and getting stuck doing things I

don’t like.

I think that my mommy and daddy are telling me that I am good or ok if I

act happy ,like I feel good and that I am getting what I want. It is not ok

to have other people do things for you or take care of you. I am confused

about how to be happy and responsible.

I think that the world should be full of only fun things and I like to think

about the future, then I do not have to pay attention to now.

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I wish they would say that I will be taken care of. Then when I grow up I

will feel like what I have is enough and that I do not need to go somewhere

else to be happy. I can feel like I am not missing out on things. This will

feel better than trying to figure out what to do next to be happy or

responsible.

ENNEAGRAM # 8

My name is Tabatha. I am seven years old. I am mad at my mommy because I want her

to love me and she decided not to live with us. She never comes to visit. On Christmas

she was going to come and I waited and waited but she never came. She just sent a

present. My daddy works hard but he does not really know how to take care of kids. I

pretty much have to take care of myself and sometimes my little sister too. I think that

grown-ups do not tell kids the truth and they do not keep kids safe. Every time I try to

have somebody love me, they trick me. I think that grown-ups hurt kids and that kids

have to learn to take care of themselves.

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Picture

My name is Robert. I am eight years old. My daddy is a very important man but at home

he yells a lot and tells all of us what to do. Sometimes when I am in my room alone I

hear him hitting mommy and she cries. I get scared. I wish he would go away. When I

get big, I am going to be very strong and have a lot of money so nobody can hurt me and

mommy again. I will help take care of other kids too so that mean grown-ups can’t hurt

them. When I get real sad or mad I liked to eat a lot of ice cream and ride my bicycle real

fast. This makes me feel better and it uses up some of my energy. My Enneagram is

called lust because I like to do things like this.

Picture

59

ENNEAGRAM # 8
CAPTAINS ALL

Tabitha loved being the captain of her soccer team called the
Tigers. She liked cheering on the other children. “Good job!
Down the line,” she would call out. “Let’s go!”

Sometimes her coach, Mr. Allen, let other children be captain. Tabitha didn’t like
that. She especially didn’t like it when Robert was the captain. Robert was very bossy.
She didn’t trust him to know what was best. When he told her to run fast down the field,
she thought he was just tricking her so that he could take the ball and score.

Funny enough, Robert didn’t like it when Tabitha was captain. He didn’t trust her
to pass him the ball. He didn’t like it when she called out to him. He felt that made him
look silly.

Both Robert and Tabitha were very much alike. They knew what was the best
way to do things; they both wanted to be in charge. When Robert was in charge, he felt
safe. When Tabitha was in charge, she felt safe.

One crisp fall morning, the Tigers gathered on their soccer field. The field was
sprinkled with bright orange and yellow leaves. They were going to play the Bears, a
team from another elementary school.

Their coach Mr. Allen called the team together.

“ Today we’re all going to go out on the field and have fun! Remember that the
snack today is homemade chocolate cookies and –my favorite—chocolate milk. So, run
fast boys and girls.” Then he pointed at Robert. “ Robert, let’s have you start as captain
today.”

“Ha Ha,” said Robert to Tabatha. “I told you I was the best.”

Tabitha started to cry. “You are not!” she yelled. “I should be captain. I’m just
as good.”

“Not as good as me!” Robert yelled.

“Am, too,” yelled Tabitha right back.

“Robert, Tabitha, come with me,” said Mr. Allen. “Everybody else, go warm up.
Practice your kicking.” He led Robert and Tabitha over to a long bench on the side of the
field.

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“I wanna be captain,” they both shouted.

Mr. Allen shook his head. Then he smiled. “Kids, have a seat. Now I want you
to listen up. Please.”

Robert and Tabitha sat down on the bench, but they did not sit close to each other.

“Both of you are leaders. Both of you are good captains. But a captain is only
one part of a team. Remember even a captain needs to have others to help play the game.
The captain cannot do it all by himself.” He patted Robert’s head. “Or herself!” Then
he patted Tabitha’s head.

“Everyone has to trust that each player is doing the best that he or she can do.
That’s what makes a team. Can you do that? Be a part of this team whether you are
captain or not?” asked Coach Allen.

“But I like being captain,” said Robert and Tabitha together. “There is not enough
time for both of us to get to be captain and so it won’t be any fun and the other kids who
like the captain best will not like us both as much.

Then Mr. Allen reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a shiny gold
key.

“When I was your age, someone gave me this. Here, you can hold it.”

He gave the key to Robert. Then Mr. Allen gave the key to Tabitha to hold. She
held it tightly and then handed it back to Mr. Allen. Her hand felt warm.

“The key came with a story. Here it is. Ready?”

“Yes,” answered Robert and Tabitha.

“Inside each of us is a magic key. This key is made of light and love. When your
heart opens, then the magic begins to work. Sometimes you’ll hear a wizard voice --
sometimes it is a faerie voice. This voice tells you what a bright light you are. Everyone
has a light, a voice inside--the captain, the forward, the goal keeper--everyone on our
team. Even me!” Mr. Allen laughed. “Even everyone on the other team. Feel your
heart, listen to that voice, and you won’t have to be in charge all the time to feel safe.”

“Mr. Allen,” said Tabitha, “I have an idea.”

“Great. I love ideas. What is it?”

“Could we all have a key to carry?”

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“Could we?” echoed Robert. “Then it would be easier to remember to listen to
the voice and open our hearts.”

“And we could tell everyone the story, too,” said Tabitha.

“That is one great idea. Keys for all the team---tomorrow. Right now we have a
game to play.”

Tabitha and Robert stood up.

“Robert, you start today as captain. Tabitha, you’ll get your turn later. Now let’s
go. Out on that field. Cheer each other on!”

The Tigers scored twice that day. After the game all the children ---Bears and
Tigers –and, of course, Mr. Allen sat down to have some milk and cookies.

“You all played great,” said Mr. Allen. “ Let’s have a group cheer!”

“Hip -hip Hooray! Hip- hip Hooray!” shouted the children. Their voices floated
up and over the soccer field.

Picture


I am afraid of being hurt or controlled by others.

I think that mommy and daddy are showing me that it is not ok to be weak

or trust people. It feels like I am good and ok and safe when I am strong

and in control of situations and other people.

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I think that the world is an unfair place and I try to help the innocent

people, especially kids.

I wish that that they would show me that I can trust them and that they will

not trick me. Then when I grow up I can feel that people will not trick me

and that it is ok to love and trust people and let them love me. That would

feel better than trying to force or control my life and other people so that I

can feel safe. It does not really feel good to be mean to other people and

even if people pretend to like you because of your toys, there is an empty

sad place inside of you because they do not like you just for you.

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ENNEAGRAM # 9

My name is Brian. I am six years old. My mommy and daddy love me but they do not

hold me as much as I want. My daddy always tells me how to do things right and if I

don’t do it right he makes me feel not very smart. Mommy tries to help me too but she is

not as smart as daddy either. One time at school the teacher told me to tie my shoes. I

couldn’t do it and some of the other boys laughed at me. This did not feel very good but

when I told daddy he said that it was my fault for being six years old and not learning

how to tie my shoes. Now sometimes I have trouble trying to decide what I should do

because I am afraid I might not do it right. So I am Lazy about making decisions.

Picture

64

My name is Sandy. I am five years old. My mommy loves me but she has to always do

what my stepfather says. I think this is because he has all of the money and you cannot

take care of yourself and your kids without money. My stepfather has a lot of rules. It is

important to use the toothpaste just the right way and when I help wash the dishes, we

have to wash the glasses first and then the spoons and forks and then the dishes. He tells

us we are stupid if we do not do it right. I get afraid to do things because I am afraid that

I will not do them right. Sometimes mommy tries to tell him to be nicer but he doesn’t

get nicer. He makes me eat eggs and other things I don’t like . I like it best when he is at

work and does not come home. Inside of me I get scared of him sometimes but I feel that

I am smarter than him. Sometimes I do things my way and trick him. This makes me feel

better. I think that he only took me and my brother because he wanted to marry my

mommy, he doesn’t care very much about us.

Picture

65

ENNEAGRAM #9

SNOWDAY

Brian and Sandy were so excited. Yesterday the snow kept falling and falling.
Today they didn’t have to go to school. The sun was shining brightly. The snow was
piled high in their yard. It was a perfect day to play outside.

“Let’s build a snowman,” said Sandy.

“OK,” said Brian.

They each made a snowball and then rolled them around the yard. Each snowball
grew bigger and bigger. Together they made one more. Now they had three big,
beautiful round snowballs. Then Brian and Sandy stacked them on top of each other. A
snowman!

“Should he have a carrot for a nose?” wondered Sandy.

“Maybe it should be a button,” said Brian. “ Or maybe a rock.”

“Do we need a scarf?” asked Sandy.

“Some snowmen have hats,” Brian said.

“Maybe we could have a cane or sticks for arms,” said Sandy.

Brian and Sandy kept talking and talking. They didn’t know which would be
right---rocks, buttons, carrots, or scarves.

“Maybe you could ask your mom,” said Brian.

“She doesn’t care what I do,” answered Sandy. “No matter how good my work is,
she doesn’t even see it; she is always busy with other people”.

Jingle, jingle--the sound of sleigh bells filled the air. Sandy looked up to see a
scooter go by. But instead of wheels, the scooter had runners so that it skimmed over the
snow.

Brian and Sandy just stared. The bells, hanging from the handlebars, jingled
merrily. The sled went zig - zagging back and forth in front of them. But no one was on
the scooter-sled. Or was there someone?

Brian and Sandy looked closer. A faerie was standing on the handlebars. She was
dressed all in white fur. Her hair looked like tinsel --all silver and shiny. Hanging from
her fur coat were red bobbles that looked like cherries. She was waving a tiny wand.

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“Hello, hello. Happy snowday!” she sang out as she slid by. Zoom! Back she
came. Suddenly, the scooter-sled stopped, wobbled, and then fell over. The tiny faerie
flew through the air and landed softly on the snowman’s head.

“Dear me,” she said, “This snowman--or is it a snow woman --needs some
accessorizing.”

“Some what?” said Sandy

“Decorations-doo dads and such.”

“We know that.” Brian said, “ …but we don’t know what it should be. Do you?”

“Oh, I have ideas, but so do you. I know you are both very smart! By the way,
my name is Snowblossom.” She fluttered her wings.

“Well your ideas are probably right,” answered Brian.

“Great gobs of glitter, Mr. Brian. I can see I’m going to need
some help.”

Snowblossom waved her tiny wand. The snow began to whirl about. Then
suddenly out of the whirling snow stepped ---a wizard. Well, he looked like a wizard
because he had a tall, pointed hat. But he was also wearing a bathing suit and sunglasses!

“Oops,” he said. “This calls for a quick change operation.” Zip! He was clothed
in a magnificent shiny gold robe. “Much better. Much warmer!” He looked at the faerie
sitting on the snowman beside him. “Snowblossom! Are you the one that called me
here? I was sunbathing in Borneo.”

“Yes, dear. Meet Brian and Sandy. They need our help.” She flew down from
the snowman and sat on the Wizard’s head. “They’re stuck. Trying to be right. And
perhaps not quite realizing just how GREAT they are.”

“Oh,” said the wizard. He looked over at Brian and Sandy. They were standing
very still, very surprised at the goings on.

“Snowblossom, what is the magic key?” said the Wizard.

Snowblossom sang out, “Feel what you feel. Keep it real Go ahead. You
choose --you decide. Remember. The light inside that is you will guide you and guard
you. Each day feel what is the way.”

“I decide to have this carrot for a nose.” Sandy burst out happily.

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Brian said, “I’m going to make button eyes.”

“Marvelous,” said Snowblossom. “ Keep going!”

“ This is fun,” said Sandy. “Let’s make a skirt with branches. She quickly
gathered some pine boughs.

“A skirt?! said Brian. “I guess we’re making a snowgirl. OK. I’ll get some
holly berries for her mouth. And twigs for hair. Awesome!”

“This is the best snowgirl ever!” laughed Sandy.

Snowblossom began to sing. “ Frosty the snowgirl was a very pretty sight.”

“Remember, my dear children,” said the Wizard, “we are the light inside of you.
You can power the world with that light. Don’t be afraid. People in the world want to
see your light! Listen to the wizard, listen to the faerie inside of you, and shine on—
shine bright!”

Through the crisp, winter air came a familiar voice. “ Brian,
Sandy come have some lunch,” called Brian’s mother. She was
standing on the porch of her house. “Oh, my,” she said. “Well,
now. Look what you’ve gone and made..a snowman.”

“It’s a snowgirl!” said Brian and Sandy at once.

“ Why so it is! Beautiful!”

Brian and Sandy smiled at each other. They knew they had made a wonderful
snowgirl.

“I’m hungry,” said Brian.

“Me, too,” said Sandy.

They waved good-bye to their magic friends and hopped and jumped through the
snow to Brian’s house where soup and hot chocolate were waiting just for them.

And Snowblossom and the Wizard? They whizzed away on the scooter/sled.
The Wizard stood up straight and tall as he zipped back and forth across the snow-
covered streets. Snowblossom perched on the handlebars singing. The bells jingled
merrily in the air as they went on their magical way.

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Picture


I am afraid of nobody talking to me or wanting to be with me because I am

not smart enough.

I think that my mommy and daddy are showing me that it is not ok to stick

up for myself and what I want; that I am only ok and good as long as

everyone around me is feeling good and ok.

I think that the world does not value me or my efforts. It is more

comfortable to just keep the peace. That means be quiet and do what other

people are doing.

I wish that they would tell me that they want me to be with them. Then

when I grow up I will know that I can do good things for the world

because I will have a lot of energy and power to help people. This would

feel better than always trying to not be involved in what I feel and what is

happening in my world. I could quit worrying about how to do everything

just right and quit just following what other people tell me to do

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DO I KNOW WHO I AM NOW?

DO I KNOW WHAT I AM SCARED OF?

DO I KNOW WHAT MY MAGIC KEY IS?

HOW AM I GOING TO USE MY MAGIC KEY WITH MOMMY

AND DADDY AND WITH OTHER KIDS?

NOW I AM NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING!

I WANT TO-----------------------------------------------------------------

WHEN I GROW UP, I WILL MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER

PLACE BY -----------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AND THIS IS THE END OF MY STORY or IS IT?

70

The Magic Key to Parenting & GrandParenting

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