A breakdown of the four early warning signs that your conversation is spiraling from disagreement to full-blown argument from the UK's conversation expert Rob Kendall, author of Blamestorming.

1. ARGUMENT H OW T O AV O I D Y O U R N E X T

2. What Situation Are
You In?
Scenario 1 The Tangle
‘Don't forget dinner
tonight.’
‘Tonight?!
We said tomorrow!’
Where crossed wires lead to uncertainty, uncoordinated action and
frustrated expectations. How often do you shake your head in
bewilderment and wonder how on earth a mix-up occurred? Learn how
to adapt your style of communication, set the context for the conversa-tion
and check for clarity to prevent misunderstandings and confusion.

3. Scenario 2 THE Big argument
‘You’re tight
with money.’
‘And you’re
hysterical.’
This is where a convivial start has spiralled out of control and into a
bitter row with a partner, family member, work colleague, neighbour
or anyone else you’d had no intention of falling out with. By recogniz-ing
the Warning Lights that tell you a conversation is going off track,
you can bring it back to ground level.

4. Scenario 3 The Bad Place
‘That conversation
was a disaster.’
‘Where did it all
go wrong?’
Where a conversation with someone has gone horribly wrong and
you’re in the mire. Or where you simply feel disconnected and fed up
with someone and you are wondering how you're going to address the
issue or recover the situation. By understanding the dynamics of
difficult conversations, and knowing practical steps to tackle them,
you’ll get into the Bad Place less often and get out of it more quickly.

5. Scenario 4 The LockDown
‘Can we talk
it through?’
‘I don’t ever want
to discuss it again.’
Where feelings and thoughts are internalized or withheld and negative
conclusions are drawn, leading to an implosion rather than to the
explosion of the Big Argument. If someone’s in the Lockdown, they’ll
withdraw and won't want to talk, even though it’s obvious that they’re
deeply upset. Asking open questions, putting your own story on hold and
listening without justification can help you re-establish your connection.

6. Blamestorming
The ultimate guide to
mastering conversation
at work and at home
watkinspublishing.co.uk