Have you been feeling a little dumpy, frumpy and obsessing on your age? Living in a youth-driven culture, it's easy to get hung up and worried, even a little obsessed, looking for signs of aging. Coming face to face with wrinkles, lines, dark spots and undereye bags is a truly humbling experience. If you're not in a resourceful frame of mind, spending face time in front of the mirror, picking apart your flaws, can lead you down a slippery slope right into depression. Here are 6 tips to turn around your mirror misery.

1. By Andrea
Amador
Ageless Beauty: 6 Tips to Master Your Mirror
thejuicywomanblog.com/6-tips-to-master-your-mirror/
Does your morning flaw-seeking, wrinkle checking ritual at the mirror make you a little
crazy? We’re living in a youth-driven, beauty-obsessed culture that tells us “if you’re old,
you’re useless.” If you’ve been feeling a little dumpy, frumpy and freaking out about getting
older, that’s probably why. Coming face to face with wrinkles, lines, dark spots, thinning hair
and undereye bags is a truly humbling experience. If you’re not in a resourceful frame of
mind, spending time in front of the mirror, looking for signs of aging, can lead you down a
slippery slope right into depression.
If you can relate to this mirror misery, you’re not alone. According to the Daily Mail, an online
UK publication, back in 2011, a survey study was done on 1200 women to measure their
level of body confidence. It reflected that 90% of the women in their 40’s and 50’s are are so
unhappy with the way they look that they suffer from ‘mid-life mirror angst syndrome’ Being
so uncomfortable around looking in the mirror, most of the older women avoided it
altogether. These findings were published in the Invisible Women Study, commissioned by
online fashion retailer isme.com.
Reading the article made me feel so sad and I had to speak about this and make some
noise, adding my voice to this discussion. I wanted to do this as a 54 year old woman who
knows what it’s like to suffer from crippling body shame and insecurities. For years, no
matter what weight or size I was, I remained at war with my big, fat, chunky thighs. Then one
day it became crystal clear that my body was never the problem, but hating myself was.
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2. My book, “Lovin’ the Skin You’re In” represents a 6 year journey of self-discovery that led me
to recognize the power of self-love. During that time I interviewed many women and pioneers
in the size-acceptance movement. Adapting their attitudes and beliefs transformed my
relationship with my body. And I’d like to share what I’ve learned from them to help you
discover a new level of confidence too.
Maybe like me, you can relate to having some tough experiences in your past. Maybe you
picked up the subtle hint that something about you was wrong, or could be better. Whether
that message was delivered as a direct hit with straight up sarcasm and criticism or a more
subtle type of hurt that’s still undermining your confidence, I have great news for you.
I’m proof positive that you can makeover a negative self-image. Coming from an abusive
background, for years I had a very low self-image. I spoke to myself disrespectfully all the
time. Whether I was putting myself down and calling myself “Stupid” or berating myself by
saying, “I hate you, you fat pig.”I didn’t realize how much harm I was doing to myself. Do you
do that? Do you call yourself names and put yourself down? You probably learned to be
tough on yourself because someone else was hard on you. We tend to repeat the behaviors
of the people in our lives who have been the most influential. For the good and the bad.
Maybe you noticed this in you, but you’ve been thinking that it’s harmless. Just a little tough
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3. love. Right? Wrong. It’s not love at all. The truth is talking to yourself in a mean and
disrespectful way will only make you feel worse. And if you’re okay with treating yourself like
crap, other people will pick up on your energy and treat you that way too. It’s a bad scene.
I’m excited to teach you that when you see yourself and your experiences in a more
compassionate light, you will recognize that you are lovable and deserving. You may not
have been able to claim that earlier, but as an adult, it’s yours now. You may not have gotten
the nurturing that you wanted as a kid, but now you can learn to be your own nurturer.
Taking responsibility for caring for yourself with love and respect, you will feel confident
setting boundaries in your life, letting go of people and relationships that hurt and continually
make the choice to be your own best friend.
Here are 6 tips that will enable you to reclaim your power and get out from under your mirror
misery:
1. Grieve your losses. As we age, our thoughts lead us to thinking about our own mortality
and all the time and opportunities we lost. It’s daunting to realize that nearly half of your life
is over. but in order to move past the ‘feeling sorry’ for yourself thinking, you have to face
how you’re feeling. Looking into the mirror and thinking you’re fat, old, ugly or any other
negative thing is really just a smokescreen covering up what’s really upsetting you. No use
pretending that you feel fine, when you don’t. Positive thinking will not be strong enough to
overturn those thoughts, because the emotional load on your brain is too intense, triggering
a ton of stress hormones to flood your body. This surge of stress chemicals is preventing
you from thinking clearly because your internal alarm is going off. To neutralize that stress
response, you need to dump that emotional load by acknowledging how sad or angry you
feel.
2. Tap. Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as EFT or tapping is a powerful stress-
relief technique that calms you down by activating your body’s natural relaxation response .
Tapping has changed my life and made it
possible for me to undo much of the
damage of an abusive past. It is my path to
peace and my secret ingredient to creating
kick butt confidence even when I’m shaking
in my shoes. I use it myself on a daily basis
and I teach my clients how to use tapping
to feel better. It works on the basis of
tapping gently on your body’s acupressure
points which sends a calming signal to the
brain causing a production of feel good
chemicals like serotonin and dopamine
which relax your muscles at the same time that they calm your thoughts.
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4. 3. Don’t tolerate criticism – We get our
sense of value and lovableness from our
environment. As children we don’t have any
say in how people speak to us or how they
treat us. But as adults, we can make those
decisions for ourselves. We teach people
how to treat us, and it’s never too late to
change the rules. Always consider your
safety first and avoid putting yourself in the
line of fire of a physically abusive person.
Feelings of shame about your body or your
age comes from the way you’ve learned to think about yourself. Many times people are not
even aware of the fact that they are saying hurtful things, because they have developed a
tolerance to criticism and verbal abuse from their own experiences with their families.
Become aware of people in your life who treat you disrespectfully. Sarcasm and criticism is
hurtful and you don’t deserve to be abused. Being spoken to in a sarcastic or critical tone is
not okay. Give people the benefit of the doubt by taking them aside and speaking to them in
a non-threatening and soft tone letting them know that you have decided that you want to be
treated with kindness and respect. Ask them specifically for what you want and how you
want them to speak to you.
4. You are in control. Your thoughts have power. Depending upon where you choose to
point and focus your thoughts, it will either energize or suck the life out of you. If you focus
on all the reasons and thoughts that make you feel bad, you will only attract more ‘feeling
bad’ into your experience. The chemicals of emotion are all just energy to your system. It’s
not good. It’s not bad. It’s just energy. You can transform those negative thoughts and
emotions to feel however you want. If you want to feel more confident and even tap into
feeling sexy, you’ve got to grieve your losses and face the feelings you have about not
feeling sexy and getting older. You have the power of choice. You can choose how you want
to feel by changing the thoughts you think. You can choose to embrace this new stage in
your life and make it work for you or you can buy into the belief that you’re all washed up. It’s
all up to you.
5. Seek out role models of women over 40 who exemplify confidence and body
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5. acceptance. My attitudes towards my body
changed when I began finding role models
of women whose bodies were shaped like
mine. If you’re struggling with feeling
insecure around aging, look for role models
of women who have embraced their
ageless beauty. As far as ageless
examples of celebrities, Cher, Tina Turner
and Oprah are my personal favorites.
Notice women in your personal circle who
exemplify agelessness. Go online and
expand your search to include great YouTube videos. One of my favorite YouTubers is
Monique Parent. She is a Hollywood actress who teaches women over 40 how to go from
drab to fab. By expanding your awareness of the possibilities and learning how to manage
challenges, you’ll feel so much better.
6. Spend more time being happy and finding inspiration where you can. Do things that
pull you out of thinking about yourself and your problems. Listen to music, volunteer your
time, watch movies you love, spend time with close friends.
Every moment of every day is
filled with fresh opportunities for
you to do with what you want.
Obsessing about the image of
yourself you see in the mirror will
only make you feel worse. I get it.
I know. I feel your pain. Let me
tell you a little story about when I
realized that trying to fight the
signs of aging was just a waste
of time.
About 6 months ago, I first
noticed some wrinkles and dark
circles under my eyes. They
could have been there for 10 years, but I’ve never noticed it before. For several weeks after
that, throughout the day I found myself nervously checking my mirror, spending far too long
inspecting myself for signs of aging. Then I started looking for solutions to dark circles,
watching videos and paying attention to conversations, looking for answers.
Until one day I stood in front of my magnifier mirror, tugging at my eyes, trying to make the
dark circles go away. Suddenly a painfully sobering realization hit me and I started to cry.
As I tasted my salty tears now rolling down my cheeks, I realized that I had been here
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6. before. This place of self-hatred and shame was so familiar to me. Now instead of focusing
my shame-filled thoughts on hating my fat thighs as I had done for decades, my new
obsession was around feeling ashamed about aging The dark circles were just the first
evidence I noticed. There would be more to follow. Sure I could buy that cream, and follow
every shiny ball solution out there, but in the end, I would just be chasing after a dream,
wishing I was something I’m not. Younger. The truth is–I’m just 18 days away from my 55th
birthday. I’m older now, and I’ll never have the younger version of me again. And neither will
you.
Our answers are not in fixing our bodies and making external changes that often don’t last.
Instead the true answers and our real freedom is in self-acceptance. To get over the feeling
of wanting to hide yourself, we have to embrace our imperfections, face this aging thing
head on by looking deeply into ourselves, and grieve our losses. For me, it felt like I was
climbing a mountain, and that there would be no end to my list of regrets. But now after
letting those tears fall, and crying myself a river, I now realize that life is far too short to waste
worrying about nonsense. I still love to play dress up, play with makeup, and glam myself
up, but it’s not a deal breaker. I can still shine and be my best self with or without makeup.
Dark circles, fat thighs and all. My insecurities won’t ever rob me of anymore precious years.
How ’bout you? Can you relate? How do
you face your wrinkles, rolls and the
ravages of time? Ready to stop all the body
shaming. Whether your challenges are with
the size of your thighs, or the wrinkles
around your eyes, reclaim your power from
your mirror and take a stand. The problem
is not your body. The problem is hating your
body. Get the free ecourse, “Get the Fat out
of Your Head.”
Andrea Amador is The Juicy Woman. Equal
parts sweet and oh so sassy, Andrea’s a
curvy and confident plus size body image
coach/bestselling author who shows mid-life women how to transform their blues and body
shame into self-compassion and kindness so they can build their confidence from the inside-
out.
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