Trust and Influence: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know - August 2011
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Trust and Influence: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know - August 2011
- 1. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
- 2. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 2 Welcome www.trustedadvisor.com/pmidc
- 3. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 3 Common People Challenges WHAT’S MOST VEXING FOR YOU? 1. Make a compelling case 2.Gain the agreement of diverse stakeholders 3. Say “no” to a customer 4.Recover from mistakes 5.Transition to a new customer
- 4. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 4 Goals for Today AT THE END OF THIS PRESENTATION YOU WILL: 1. Know the four essential elements of trustworthiness 2.Understand the “secret weapon” of influence 3.Appreciate the paradox of trust and be able to put it to work
- 5. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 5 Building Blocks
- 6. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 6 The Trust Equation WHAT DO YOU LEAD WITH? C + R + I S T trustworthiness C credibility R reliability I intimacy S self-orientation T =
- 7. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 7 How We Think People Think IT’S A QUESTION OF FOCUS Facts Logic Truth
- 8. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 8 Cialdini on Influence THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PERSUASION A primary driver of influence is … reciprocity
- 9. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 9 Gottman on Long-Term Partnership THE IMPORTANCE OF EMPATHY “Understanding must precede advice.” “You have to let your partner know that you fully understand and empathize … before you suggest a solution.”
- 10. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 10 What Empathy Sounds Like “That’s a tough spot to be in.” “Sounds like we haven’t done a good job making our case.” “I’m very sorry to hear that. I’m sure that’s frustrating, to say the least.” “I don’t see value in that.” “We’re just not sure which way to go.” “I’m disappointed by your team’s results.”
- 11. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 11 Three-Level Listening PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE In pairs: Person A shares a project challenge Person B plays consultant/listener 3-minute role-play: Person A—Share Person B—DO NOT solve the problem! 1-minute debrief: What was your experience? Switch roles and repeat
- 12. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 12 Thomas Friedman on Listening “People often ask me how I, an American Jew, have been able to operate in the Arab/Muslim world for 20 years, and my answer to them is always the same. The secret is to be a good listener …” “ … It's not just what you hear by listening that is important. It is what you say by listening that is important...” “ … Never underestimate how much people just want to feel that they have been heard; once you have given them that chance, they will hear you.”
- 13. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 13 Key Takeaways 1. Make a compelling case 2. Gain the agreement of diverse stakeholders 3. Say “no” to a customer 4. Recover from mistakes 5. Transition to a new customer
- 14. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved © 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved. 14 WITH OUR COMPLIMENTS The Goodie Bag www.trustedadvisor.com/pmidc ahowe@trustedadvisor.com
Notes de l'éditeur
- Raise your hand if you remember your very first project team meeting … I remember mine like it was yesterday …23 years old; “consultant” for 2 weeks at AMS, an IT consulting firm with about 9,000 emps worldwideThe client was US Navy, the project was a biz process redesign effort very large software project (millions)The team was a mixture: us and the clientThe location of this first meeting was on a shipyard because the subject of our study was the process of repairing very large ships – aircraft carriers, destroyers, submarinesMe and my suited, polished self amidst the dirt and grime and VERY LARGE equipmentI was: excited, nervous, eager to make a good first impression on EVERYONE12 people (9 clients) attending a kickoff meetingClient lead had a brilliant idea and says – “Let’s do some introductions …“Aha, I know, I’ll go last!”By the time it was my turn … I learned that all the clients in the room had been on the shipyard longer than I had been alive.How I handed it: like many of us handle MOTs ...Regardless of what your first project team meeting was like, I’m sure you can relate …That was nearly 20 years ago when I started my career in the consulting industry. Over the years I’ve realized just how important relationships are to project success. In fact, relationships will make or break any project.Today I teach people in professional services what it takes to have extraordinary relationships. When I ask, what makes your job so hard? People! NOTHING LIKE PEOPLE TO MESS UP A PERFECTLY GOOD PROJECT PLAN.TRANSITION: Tell me if any of these people challenges resonate for you
- At some point you’ve probably had to …Convince a project sponsor to do something that would require a significant investment (hand)Wade thru the quagmire of a project steering committee to get a decision? (hand)Tell a customer that the changes they wanted were out of scope and couldn’t be done by the project deadline? (hand)Bow your head humbly and admit to a team mess-up (hand)Say goodbye to a customer with whom you have a fabulous relationship and start all over again with a new one (hand)Whose arm is tired from raising it so many times?These things aren’t easy. The key to dealing with these things effectively, and to transforming your experience of stakeholder relationships, is simple: it’s TRUST. Think about how much easier it is, for example, to say no to a customer who trusts you. TRUST is also an integral part of being influential – when was the last time you were willing to be swayed by someone you didn’t really trust?So Trust and Influence are our focus today. Because it’s my assertion that the “magic” of successful project management lies is in mastering these fundamentals—no matter how good you already are. Great musicians never stop playing scales.Let’s begin by making this as real and real-time for you as possible.Pairs : Share a current project issue you are facing and choose ONE STAKEHOLDER you would most like to influence in some way. (#1). One minute each.TRANSITION: In fact, here’s exactly what we will learn today about trust and influence
- By 1pm today you will:1 – Know the four essential elements of trustworthiness2 – Understand the “secret weapon” of influence3 – Appreciate the paradox of trust and influence and be able to put it to workTRANSITION: The content I am presenting today is based on the work of CG, DM, and RG
- Who, nearly a decade ago, wrote a book called The Trusted Advisor. (already have? Show of hands).I found this book so compelling that 5 years ago I created a partnership with Charlie and am now one of a handful of people who have been personally trained by him to teach programs … and teach others to teach programs. CG’s second book, TBS, is the TA for salespeople. And BTW, all PMs are salespeople. If nothing else, you’re selling ideas all the time.Stay tuned for the Trusted Advisor Fieldbook, due out Oct 31. TRANSITION: Goal #1: to learn the 4 essential elements of trustworthiness. The challenge is that “trust” is a squishy term
- Our solution to that problem is the Trust Equation. Which factor is the most powerful?Different colors for C+R because C+R are in the rational realm, and business people tend to hang out in the rational realm. It’s what we’re taught to do.Looking at each element (#2 on your worksheet):CREDIBILITY (words) – (your stakeholder) “I trust what she says about SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS; she’s very credible on the subject.”The usual: write white papers, get PMP certifiedThe less usual: speak plainly and honestly -- say you don’t know, never “spin”MY “C” IS WHAT WAS AT STAKE IN THE SY – thought I had to have years of exper.RELIABILITY (actions) – “I trust him to DELIVER WHEN HE SAYS HE WILL; he’s very reliable.” You prove yourself to be dependable and predictable over timeBe on time, do what you say you will do, create project docs with consistent look and feel, be rigorous about using good biz practices like meeting agenda, issue trackingInterestingly, of the 13,000+ people who have taken our online TQ quiz, people who lead with C + R had among the lowest overall trustworthiness scores.Which leads us to I and S (emotional/psychological)INTIMACY (safety) – “I trust her with THIS INFORMATION; she won’t embarrass me.”You’re discreet and empathetic -- easy to relate toYou’re an incredible listener, you’re willing to share something personal, you acknowledge uncomfortable situations, you express appreciation for othersSELF-ORIENTATION (focus – as in yours) – “I trust that he cares about HOW THE PROJECT WILL IMPACT MY CAREER; he really seems to have my best interests at heart”
- This is how most project managers, technologists, consultants, doctors, actuaries, and lawyers – to name a few -- think people think: a process of accumulating facts, applying logic, and coming out with truths.Oversimplified, yes, yet more often than not it’s our operating model.So we create elaborate matrices, pro/con lists, force field analyses, and subject people to death by Ppoint in our endeavor to sway them by appealing to logic.It doesn’t work. Because that’s not how people work.
- A psychologist who has spent 35 years researching the subject of influence.Discovered 6 “weapons of influence” – none of which have anything to do with ration and logicHoward Gardner, the psychologist credited with developing early EI theory in the 70’s and 80’s: he has a list of 7 and rational argument is #7.According to Cialdini, the single most important factor is reciprocity. Free samples marketingPlays out in the business of project management in the form of LISTENING. <#6 on worksheet>If you raised your hand before because someone didn’t listen to you/didn’t take your advice … bad news is it’s likely you’re not listening to them—not really. TRANSITION: Unfortunately, the news gets worse
- Ask anyone who’s been to couples counseling … or ask John Gottman, well known for his work on marital stability (and his “love lab” in Seattle, WA) … and they’ll tell you that it’s not enough to listen; it’s not enough for you to “get” your partner. You have to be sure that they get that you get them. While we’re not suggesting you have to walk down the aisle with your stakeholders to be an influential PM… or visit Gottman’s love lab together … you do have to master a skill known as empathy.(We’re back where we started, talking about the importance of High I and Low S on the TE!)Putting two and two together …Your ability to deliver value to your stakeholders depends on their willingness to take your advice which depends directly on your ability to be empathetic.Which means that empathy is only 2 degrees of separation from the bottom line.Which makes it anything but a touchy-feely skill that’s a “nice-to-have.”Empathetic listening requires that we prove we’ve understood the factual and emotional reality of another <#7 on worksheet>TRANSTION: Let’s be really clear about what empathy sounds like
- A lot of times we confuse empathy with asking great questions. Questions are necessary and insufficient – and they’re often more about us than them. CLICK: You’re trying to make a compelling case. Stakeholder says, “I don’t see the value in that”Your S goes up: disappointmentThe Q you want to ask: “What’s missing for you?”FIRST COMES EMPATHY: “Sounds like we haven’t done a good job making our case”EVENTUALLY: “What’s missing for you?”CLICK: You’re trying to get a decision. Stakeholder says, “We’re just not sure which way to go.”Your S goes up: frustrationThe Q you want to ask: “What do you see as the pros and cons of each option?”FIRST COMES EMPATHY:“That’s a tough spot to be in”EVENTUALLY: “What do you see as the pros and cons of each option?”CLICK: You’re trying to recover from a mistake. Stakeholder says, “I’m disappointed by your team’s results”Your S goes up: anxietyThe Q you want to ask: “In what ways have they disappointed you?” (Or more like, “What can we do to fix it??”)FIRST COMES EMPATHY:“I’m very sorry to hear that. I’m sure that’s frustrating”EVENTUALLY: “In what ways have they disappointed you?”“Wait! We don’t have time for this! You don’t have time not to.Time lost with stakeholders getting stuck and repeating themselves, time lost when indecision rules the day, time lost when you back track because you didn’t have buy-in.SAILING METAPHORTRANSITION: The good news: empathetic listening can be learned – all it takes is practice.
- Goal: Listen with empathyPick A and B.WHEN I SAY BEGIN (and not until) …<Instructions>When you are Person A … notice if your Consultant/Listener moves toward a solutionDEBRIEFListeners—what was hardest about doing this?A lot of what typically passes for listening is really us waiting for our turn – High S, Low I.TRANSITION: Thomas Friedman, NYT columnist and PP-winning author sums it up nicely
- CLICK: “People often ask me how I, an American Jew, have been able to operate in the Arab/Muslim world for 20 years, and my answer to them is always the same. The secret is to be a good listener. It has never failed me. You can get away with really disagreeing with people as long as you show them the respect of really listening to what they have to say and taking it into account when and if it makes sense. CLICK: “Indeed, the most important part of listening is that it is a sign of respect. It's not just what you hear by listening that is important. It is what you say by listening that is important... you can diffuse a whole roomful of angry people by just starting your answer to a question with the phrase, "You're making a legitimate point" or "I hear what you say" and really meaning it. CLICK: “Never underestimate how much people just want to feel that they have been heard; once you have given them that chance, they will hear you.”Quiz on Goal #2: Understand and apply the secret weapon of influence (don’t look at your sheets):What’s a primary driver of influence according to Cialdini (and reinforced by Friedman?)What form does that take in the business of project management?ANOTHER PARADOX: the most influential people are those who are open to influence. Make this work for you by listening.
- PAIRS: What’s your biggest takeaway from today (#8) and what’s one action you will take to increase your T with the stakeholder you ID’d (#9)? (1m each!)<TIME FOR Q&A?>REVIEW:Goals:Goal #1: Know the four essential elements of trust and how to boost your personal score on each (CRIS)Goal #2: Understand the secret weapon of influence (reciprocity)Goal #3: Understand the paradox of trust and influence and be able to put it to work (Say what needs to be said, listen, listen, listen)Common People Challenges:Make a compelling case – listen to build I, share a POV to build C – IN THAT ORDERGain the agreement of diverse stakeholders - listen to build I, share a POV to build C – IN THAT ORDERSay “no” to a customer – first get off your S, then be direct, be honest, be empatheticRecover from mistakes – first get off your S, then be direct, be honest, be empatheticTransition to a new customer – look for ways to accelerate trust – a small investment up front will lead to huge returns down the road.
- 2 sets of goodies for you:Free of charge and no strings attached: www.trustedadvisor.com/fpmireston: 82 ways, 3 PDF’d blog posts, deck, opp’y to sign up for our monthly eBook if you’d like toFree of charge and strings attached: card in fishbowl to win a copy of TA plus a free TT report ($30 value) – great if you’d like to learn more about _______. (one set for every 10 cards in the bowl)The “magic” of successful project management lies is in mastering the fundamentals of trust and influence.Simple, not easy. Yet isn’t it usually the simple things in life that make the biggest difference. Like casting a pebble in a pond, one simple gesture creates a ripple that spreads far and wide. Trust and influence are like that.It’s been my pleasure to spend time with you today.Happy rippling!