This is a condensed slide deck from the sixth class of my Spring 2016 section of The Art of Self-Coaching at the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

1. The art of
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
CLASS 6: VULNERABILITY

2. Class 6
Photo by Alan [link]

3. Vulnerability
Photo by Alan [link]

4. Vulnerability

5. Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Small groups 35 mins
Vulnerability 25 mins
A conversation 20 mins
For next time… 5 mins
Agenda

6. Before we get
down to business
Photo by Charles Hutchins [link]

7. Debrief in your
What was that like?
How did it feel?
quartet

8. Shame &
empathy
Photo by Brandon Grasley [link]

9. Shame &
Shame = I’m flawed & unworthy
Empathy = The antidote to shame
empathy

10. Shame &
Shame = Creates distance
Empathy = Creates closeness
empathy

11. Shame &
Disclosures often trigger shame
(or embarrassment or vulnerability)
empathy

12. Shame &
But typical responses block empathy
1. “Look on the bright side”
2. “My problem’s worse”
3. “Here’s some advice”
empathy

13. Shame &
Instead…
1. Avoid judgments
2. Sense & validate emotions
3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
empathy

14. Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
A story
I’ll start

15. Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
Now it’s your turn
Spread out with your quartet

16. Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
4 minutes to tell your story
2 minutes for group to respond
Timing will be key

17. Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
How might you push yourself?
What would be too far?
Reflect for a minute

18. quartet
Debrief in your
What happened?

19. Debrief
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]

20. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]

21. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections
Empathy

22. Vulnerability
Brené Brown
Vulnerability = oversharing or weakness
I don’t do vulnerability
I can go it alone
myths

23. Vulnerability
So…
If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?
If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?
How do we build boundaries & trust?
questions

24. Photo by Sabri Yildiz [link]
Find your Profl.
Partner

25. Meta-emotion
Photo by Franco Folini [link]

26. Meta-emotion
John Gottman, et al
How do we feel about how we feel?

27. Meta-emotion
Feelings & thoughts about emotion
Yet another set of mental models

28. Meta-emotion
Discomfort with emotion 
Feelings themselves become triggers

29. Meta-emotion
Potential factor with any emotions
Particularly with vulnerability

30. Meta-emotion
Reflect on your worksheets

31. What does this
Reivich & Shatté
ABCs: Adversity  Beliefs  Consequences
Traps: Tunnel vision, overgeneralize, conclusions
Icebergs: Achievement, acceptance, control
tell me?

32. What might I try?
Reframing
Self-soothing
Talking about feelings

33. Why vulnerability
A powerful tool when we can manage it
A destructive force when we can’t
Build connections or not
Build a culture anyway
matters

34. For next time…
Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]

35. Unhappiness
Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]

36. Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?

37. Unhappiness
Please note…
Pema Chödrön is a little out there
That’s why Oliver Burkeman is an option

38. Unhappiness
Also…
It can be heavy
Please don’t be late
Please plan accordingly