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• Ability to practice these
skills at work Topics OUTCOMES • Mutual Support & Learning • Going Meta • Fun FRAMING Opening Circle Icebreaker Self-Awareness & Self- Management Social Styles Assessment Break My Owner’s Manual Break Listening & Asking Empowering Questions Closing Circlehttp://bethkanter.wikispaces.com/cchi Agenda
Self-awareness/management is your ability to
accurately recognize your emotions as they happen and to understand your general tendencies for responding to different people and situations. Seeing ourselves as others see us Knowing what pushes our buttons Using our self-awareness of our emotions to actively choose what you say and do
Ways to Cultivate Self-Awareness Test
Yourself Watch Yourself Reflect/Learn • Use frameworks for understanding • Identify strengths and weaknesses • Facilitates self-reflection • Lean into your discomfort • Know your buttons • Look at situations from above • Check your outward appearance in situations • Get to know yourself under stress • Observe the ripple effect on others • Forming new good habits • Writing it down helps you change • Treat yourself to a new pen and notebook
Social Styles • Social styles
is leading behavior styles framework • Behavioral styles are observable ways that you interact with other people • Growth Areas: Helps you identify where you need to improve your communication/behavior with others • Versatility: Knowing your behavior style and how to “flex” has a direct impact on your ability to coach, facilitate, or lead teams • There are four different styles: Analytical, Driving, Amiable, and Expressive • Uses a diagnostic or survey to determine where you fall on ask/tells and controls/emotes
Social Styles Analytical Need to
Be Right Thinking Withdraws Driving Results Action Takes Charge Amiable Personal Security Relationships Goes Along Expressive Approval Spontaneity Confronts Asks Tells Controls Emotes
You need $5,000 in your
budget for program for next fiscal year. Your only hurdle is that you must convince executive to approve the line item. You have 5 minutes to convince them. Reflection: What was the experience like doing this role play using social styles? Social Style Scenario 1. Find a partner and decide who is the executive director and who team leader 2. Initiate the conversation in your own style 3. Figure out the executive director’s style and flex 4. Executive Directors: Don’t be agreeable until they start reaching you with your style.
Social Style Reflection Now that
you know your social style and have some options for “flexing,” what might you do in this situation now? What would you like other people who may be a different social style about how to best work with you?
In the Moment Strategies •
Listen to other person • Breathe • Count to 10 • Hit pause button • Make it a movie • Sleep on it • Smile and laugh more • Take control of your self-talk Longer Term Strategies • Create an emotion vs reason list • Talk to a skilled self- manager • Talk to someone not emotionally invested • Learn a valuable lesson • More reflection time Self-Management Techniques to Practice
Create Your Personal User Manual
• What is your social style? • When do you like people to approach you and how? • What do you value? • How do you like people to communicate with you? • How do you make decisions? • How can people help you? • What will you not tolerate in others?
Listening • Pair up with
another person. • Person A will talk for 2 minutes straight about something he/she finds exciting or challenging. • Person B will listen for the full 2 minutes without interruption. No talking, no commenting, no questions. Just listen in silence. You can use non-verbal communication limitedly. Mostly be present and listen. • Switch roles.
Debrief • How was it
for each of you? • What was your experience? • What was hard? • What came naturally?
Listening Role Play We will
do two role plays that illustrate good and bad listening techniques Role Play 1 Role Play 2 What did you notice? What was different between the two role plays?
Basic Reflective Listening Techniques to
Master Paraphrase: Repeating back in your own words what someone has said, often using phrasing such as “Let me see if I’m understanding you.” This builds trust and establishes your objectivity. You end your paraphrase with “Did I get it?” Draw Out: After you listen and paraphrase, you ask open-ended or empowering questions to draw people out. “Tell me more …” A simple hmm…. often works Intentional Silence: Leaving space for quiet, an essential reflective listening skill. It is basically a pause. It helps people process complex thoughts. Acknowledge Feelings: People communicate their feelings, sometimes not directly. This is a three-step process: observe body language, pose a question that names the feelings, and paraphrase their responses. Meta Listen: Listen for what the other person cares about, the value being created in the conversation, for what you appreciate about the person, or for what is not being said.
Practice • Pair up with
different person. • Person A will talk for 2 minutes straight about something he/she finds exciting or challenging. • Person B will practice paraphrase, drawing out, intentional silence, acknowledge feelings, and meta listening • Switch roles.
The Power of Empowering Questions
Empowering questions help a person reflect, deepen learning, imagine the possibilities, create clarity, challenge assumptions, think differently about a problem or take ownership No blame, bias, leading questions or close-ended questions It causes silence
Examples of Empowering Questions •
What’s most important? • Which values are you honoring? • What makes this challenging? • How might others view this situation? • What impact is this having? • What did you learn from this? • What would like to see happen? • What would success look like? • What would you try, if you knew you couldn’t fail? • Who are your allies in this? • What might get in the way? • What would you like to change?
Examples of Disempowering Questions Blame
Why are you behind schedule? What’s the problem with this project? Who isn’t keeping up? Don’t you know any better than that? Leading Questions You wanted to do it by yourself, didn’t you? Don’t you agree that John is the problem here? Everyone else on the team thinks John is the problem. What about you? Closed Questions Is this a good time to talk? What time is the meeting? How many people are coming? Who else will be there? When will the report be ready?
Coaching Exercise: Asking Powerful Questions
• Pair up with another person. • Person A will talk for 2 minutes about something he/she finds exciting or challenging. • Person B will listen and practice asking empowering questions. • Switch roles.
• Be genuinely curious •
Don’t make assumptions • Ask open-ended questions • “What” and “How” are great. “When”, “Who”, and “Where” can be good too. Try to avoid “Why” • Make sure they are not leading questions • Ask one at a time • Keep it simple. Even dumb. • Be comfortable with silence Tips
Putting It All Together: Peer
Coaching • Listening with full attention and not talking • Using techniques: paraphrase, draw out, intentional silence, acknowledge feelings, and meta • Asking empowering questions
Exercise • Work in Triads
• Roles • Person A: Talks about Problem/Challenge for 3 minutes • Person B: Coaches for 3 minutes • Person C: Witness – Shares observations
Closing Circle: Reflection • What
insight did you gain about your communications style and working with others? • What will you commit to practicing in the coming months?
Next Steps • Journal •
Practice these skills in work situations • Refer to your social styles and owner’s manual • Add 10 minutes to agenda of staff meeting for reflection • Check-In Call, Next Session