Building Listening Skills for Emerging Leaders
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This document provides a summary of a training module on social awareness and listening skills. It includes an agenda for a session on building excellent listening skills, with topics on social awareness, asking good questions, listening skills practice, and next steps. Homework involves reading articles on body language, asking questions, and listening skills, as well as practicing these skills before the next class. The session covers identifying emotions, empowering vs. disempowering questions, understanding body language, and reflective listening techniques like paraphrasing.
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Building Listening Skills for Emerging Leaders
- 1. Networked Leadership Development and Practical Skills for Emerging Leaders Module 4: Social Awareness and Group Dynamics Building Excellent Listening Skills September 16, 2015 Beth Kanter, Instructor
- 2. Only the moderator can see you chats Welcome! If you experience any technical difficulties logging into the system, please contact Ready/Talk Customer support: 800.843.9166 Please use *6 to Mute your phone Please use *7 to Unmute your phone
- 4. Flickr Photo by Malinki This call is being recorded * 2
- 5. Networked Leadership Development and Practical Skills for Emerging Leaders Module 4: Social Awareness and Group Dynamics Building Excellent Listening Skills September 16, 2015 Beth Kanter, Instructor
- 7. The Team Beth Kanter The Playbook Stephanie Rudat Peer Learning Facilitators
- 8. • Be ready to do the homework • Review with your mentor • Connect w/ accountability buddy Topics OUTCOMES • Ask questions in chat • More discussion during pods on 9/25! • Continued discussion Facebook Group FRAMING Agenda Intro, Mid-Course Survey Highlights, and Homework Share (15 minutes) What is social awareness? (5 min) Asking Good Questions and Reading the Room (15 min) Listening Skills at Work: How to Practice (20 min) Next Steps (5 min) #netlead http://networked-emerging-leaders.wikispaces.com/ Agenda: SMARTer Professional Networking
- 10. Before & After: Calah Pasley on LinkedIn Professional photo, complete profile
- 11. Before & After: Dawn Bickett on LinkedIn & Twitter Complete profile with endorsements More active tweeting
- 12. Before & After: Lauren Meling on LinkedIn & Twitter Actively tweeting, using hashtags, consistent Complete profile
- 13. Mid-Course Survey How we can tweak the course? • Homework is too much in terms of the amount of concentrated time to do on top of a busy work week. • Make the homework less daunting, more bite sized and practical homework assignments – Module 2 was perfect • Have more interim deadlines How you can tweak your participation? • Find opportunities to practice the skills • Find more ways to implement homework at work or part of work day
- 14. Emotional Intelligence: Skill Sets WHAT I SEE WHAT I DO ME SELF-AWARENESS SELFMANAGEMENT OTHERS SOCIAL AWARENESS RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT Module 1 & 3 Module 2 Module 4 Module 5 Page 25-36
- 15. Emotional Intelligence: Social Awareness Definition: The ability to recognize and understand the moods of other individuals and entire groups of people. This is done by asking questions, observing and understanding body language, using reflective listening skills and getting feedback. Empathy Service Org Awareness
- 16. How To Build Social Awareness Muscle • Ask empowering questions • Pay close attention to interactions with other people. Be aware of what they say, how they say it and body language • Identify other people’s emotional states • Use reflective listening skills and clear communication
- 18. Examples of Empowering Questions Ask Good Questions: https://hbr.org/2009/05/real-leaders-ask.html Playbook Page 30 • Create Clarity: “Can you explain more about this situation?” • Open-ended: Instead of “Did you make your sales goal?” ask, “How have sales been going?” • Help people think analytically and critically: “What are the consequences of going this route?” • Inspire people to reflect and see things in fresh, unpredictable ways: “Why did this work?” • Encourage breakthrough thinking: “Can that be done in any other way?” • Challenge assumptions: “What do you think you will lose if you start sharing responsibility for the implementation process?” • Create ownership of solutions: “Based on your experience, what do you suggest we do here?”
- 19. Examples of Disempowering Questions Blame Why are you behind schedule? What’s the problem with this project? Who isn’t keeping up? Don’t you know any better than that? Leading Questions You wanted to do it by yourself, didn’t you? Don’t you agree that John is the problem here? Everyone else on the team thinks John is the problem. What about you? Closed Questions Is this a good time to talk? What time is the meeting? How many people are coming? Who else will be there? When will the report be ready?
- 20. Observe and Understand Body Language http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1
- 21. The Shoulder Shrug: What Does It Mean?
- 22. The Shoulder Shrug: A Signal of Not Knowing What’s Going On You are in a meeting and giving a brief report. You notice a shoulder shrug from someone. What would you do? How would you adjust your communication? What empowering question would you ask?
- 23. Crossed Legs: What does it mean?
- 24. Crossed Legs: Resistance or Low Receptivity You are in a meeting and you notice people with their legs crossed. How is this meeting going? How would you say or ask? How would you adjust? What empowering question would you ask?
- 25. Raised Eyebrows: What does it mean?
- 26. Raised Eyebrows: Often A Sign of Discomfort You are in a meeting presenting a bold idea. You notice that eyebrows are raised. What would you do? How would you adjust your communication? What empowering question would you ask?
- 27. Voice Goes Up or Down: What does it mean?
- 28. Observe and Understand Body Language You are in a one-on-one meeting with someone who want to volunteer to participate in a small project. Their voice goes up as they talk. What does that mean? What would you do? How would you adjust your communication? What empowering question would you ask?
- 29. What is good listening?
- 30. Building Good Listening Skills: Get A Baseline Listening Quiz http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening- quiz.htm Playbook page 31
- 31. Reflective Listening Techniques Full Attention Looping Dipping The Process of Reflective Listening
- 32. Basic Reflective Listening Techniques to Master Paraphrasing: Repeating back in your own words what someone has said, often using phrasing such as “Let me see if I’m understanding you.” This builds trust and establishes your objectivity. You end your paraphrase with “Did I get it?” Drawing People Out: After you listen and paraphrase, you ask open-ended or empowering questions to draw people out. “Tell me more …” A simple hmm…. often works Intentional Silence: Leaving space for quiet, an essential reflective listening skill. It is basically a pause. It helps people process complex thoughts. Acknowledging Feelings: People communicate their feelings, sometimes not directly. This is a three-step process: observe body language, pose a question that names the feelings, and paraphrase their responses. Mirroring: This is repeating back verbatim what someone has said using their words. It lets the speaker hear what they just said and can build trust. It is used in brainstorming because it speeds up the discussion
- 33. Reflective Listening: Use Clear Communication Meta Listen: Listen for what other people care about, the value being created in the conversation, for what you appreciate about the person, or for what is not being said. Compute Your Air Time: Don’t dominate the meeting. A quick rule of thumb is to do the meeting math. Divide the number of people by amount of meeting time. That’s your air time, try not to go over it. Focused Speaking: When it is your time to share your thoughts or ask questions, be clear, concise, relevant and respectful. When being brief, set yourself up with “I have one point to make about XYZ.” Try not to provide more details or examples than are necessary or speak longer than necessary. Sometimes you may want to say something in a meeting without the constraint of brevity, you might want to say something like – “With your permission, I’d like to think out loud for a minute or two.” Relevancy: If what you have to say doesn’t add value to the meeting conversation, don’t say it. Learn to recognize when you might have something more to share, but it simply doesn’t add value. Disagree, Respectfully: There are times when you might disagree. If it is a point that isn’t central to the conversation, let it pass. If your disagreement will embarrass someone or the idea is pushing your buttons, delay your response. If you must disagree, do it a way that shows respect and empathy for the other person’s point of view. Starting with, “I see your point and it is a good one, but …”
- 34. Homework 17 Tactics for Reading Body Language http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 Ask Good Questions: https://hbr.org/2009/05/real-leaders-ask.html Listening Quiz http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening-quiz.htm 10 Steps to Effective Listening: http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to- effective-listening Handout: Practice Social Awareness Skills – Your Choice Reflective Listening Techniques, Asking Empowering Questions, and/or Observing Body Language to practice in Team or One-on-One meetings by 9/25/15 Mentor check in
- 35. Next Steps and Reminders Coaching Pods #1: September 25th at 1:00 pm PST #2: September 25th at 1:30 pm PST Check in with your mentor Connect with your accountability buddy Check the Facebook Group Reach out with any questions!
Editor's Notes
- September 16, 2016 11:00 am - Noon Call-In: Phone: 1-866-740-1260 Web: http://www.readytalk.com Code: 7405939 Session 4: Social Awareness and Group Dynamics: Great leaders can interpret how other people are feeling and adapt their communications style. This often means understanding what other people are thinking and feeling and typical group dynamics. It also requires developing excellent reflective listening skills and asking good questions. To understand how to “read” a room and pick up on the mood in the room To understand and practice active and reflective listening To understanding how to participate in meetings with impact To understand and practice giving and receiving effective feedback Agenda 1. Introduction 2. Highlights: Mid Course Survey and Program Tweaks 3. Definition: Social Awareness 4. Reading the Room and Asking Good Questions 5. Listening Skills: How to practice in work situations (one-on-one and in groups) 6. Next Steps Homework: Mindtools Listening Diagnostic http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening-quiz.htm Practice listening skills in one-on-one conversations and group situations at work Get feedback from your mentor
- Every few minutes as we get started, tech support reminder, type into the chat, roll call
- http://www.flickr.com/photos/malinki/2621920871/sizes/o/ Start recording about 2 minutes late to let people join *2
- September 16, 2016 11:00 am - Noon Call-In: Phone: 1-866-740-1260 Web: http://www.readytalk.com Code: 7405939 Session 4: Social Awareness and Group Dynamics: Great leaders can interpret how other people are feeling and adapt their communications style. This often means understanding what other people are thinking and feeling and typical group dynamics. It also requires developing excellent reflective listening skills and asking good questions. To understand how to “read” a room and pick up on the mood in the room To understand and practice active and reflective listening To understanding how to participate in meetings with impact To understand and practice giving and receiving effective feedback Agenda 1. Introduction 2. Highlights: Mid Course Survey and Program Tweaks 3. Definition: Social Awareness 4. Reading the Room and Asking Good Questions 5. Listening Skills: How to practice in work situations (one-on-one and in groups) 6. Next Steps Homework: Mindtools Listening Diagnostic http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening-quiz.htm Practice listening skills in one-on-one conversations and group situations at work Get feedback from your mentor
- Before we go any further, we’d like to thank the David and Lucile Packard Foundation for their generous support of this pilot program where we about how to best design leadership development for emerging leaders! We are excited to begin this learning journey
- Here’s the team .. I’m Beth Kanter, I’ll be your lead facilitator and project manager for the peer learning program – I developed the curriculum/syllabus/instructional design and will facilitate the monthly content sessions – co-facilitate the FB group. I’m a trainer, blogger, author, and speaker – been working in the sector for 35 years, last 25 as a trainer, mostly on technology and leadership topics. I’m know more for the tech, but have a real passion for leadership skills – I’m always working on improving mine. I’m also adjunct professor at Middlebury where I teach graduate students – international social strategy, but have also been teaching a class online leadership and learning a lot from the young people in my class. So, I look forward to learning from all of you … Stephanie … Third Plateau is the team behind the Playbook --- I thin
- September 16, 2016 11:00 am - Noon Call-In: Phone: 1-866-740-1260 Web: http://www.readytalk.com Code: 7405939 Session 4: Social Awareness and Group Dynamics: Great leaders can interpret how other people are feeling and adapt their communications style. This often means understanding what other people are thinking and feeling and typical group dynamics. It also requires developing excellent reflective listening skills and asking good questions. To understand how to “read” a room and pick up on the mood in the room To understand and practice active and reflective listening To understanding how to participate in meetings with impact To understand and practice giving and receiving effective feedback Agenda Agenda 1. Introduction, Mid Course Survey Highlights, and Homework Share from Module 3 2. Definition: Social Awareness 3. Reading the Room and Asking Good Questions 4. Listening Skills: How to practice in work situations (one-on-one, meetings and giving/receiving feedback) 5. Next Steps Homework: Mindtools Listening Diagnostic http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening-quiz.htm Practice listening skills in one-on-one conversations and group situations at work Get feedback from your mentor
- The first two skills focus on you: Self-Awareness: Your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions and stay aware of them as they happen. This includes keeping on top of how you tend to respond to specific situations and people. (Session 1 Self-Management: Your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior. This means managing your emotional reactions to situations and people. (Session 2) The last two skills focus more on your contact with other people: Social Awareness: Your ability to pick up on emotions in other people and get what is really going on. This often means understanding what other people are thinking and feeling even if you don’t feel the same way. This comes down to developing really good listening skills – which includes observation or reading a room as well as asking good questions. (Session 4) Relationship Management: Your ability to use your awareness of your emotions and the emotions of others to manage interactions successfully. This includes clear communication, facilitating meetings, and handling conflicts. (Session 5)
- Social Awareness: Definition: The ability to recognize and understand the moods of other individuals and entire groups of people. This is done by observing and understanding body language, asking questions, and getting feedback. According to Daniel Goleman the competencies associated with being socially aware are: Empathy: understanding the other person’s emotions, needs and concerns. Organizational Awareness: the ability to understand the politics within an organization and how these affect the people working in them. Service: the ability to understand and meet the needs of people you work with. Essentially awareness of social situations is about carefully considering what people want, and planning to communicate with them in a way that is intended to meet that need. At best being socially aware is a natural response to people, taking their situation and needs into account as much as possible
- How to build social awareness Pay close attention to interactions with other people. Be aware of what they say, how they say it and what they do. Identify other people’s emotional states. Listen carefully to what they're saying and notice how they respond to external events, such as someone greeting them or asking them to do something. Think about your feelings. How does the other person’s emotion make you feel? Think before you answer and give clear answers. http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11
- https://www.flickr.com/photos/h-k-d/4768222518/sizes/o/ Leaders who are able to truly listen discover the real messages in the conversation, ask open-ended questions to help stimulate new ideas, and understand how the concepts they hear can improve an organization’s productivity and success. They also practice reflective listening skills which we will cover in a minute … But an empowering question does more than convey respect for the person to whom it’s posed. It actually encourages that person’s development as a thinker and problem solver, thereby delivering both short-term and long-term value: the short-term value of generating a solution to the issue at hand and the long-term value of giving subordinates the tools to handle similar issues in the future independently. A disempowering question, on the other hand, undercuts the confidence of the person to whom it’s asked and sabotages her performance. Often, these types of questions focus on failure or betray that the questioner has an agenda.
- The most effective and empowering questions create value in one or more of the following ways: They create clarity: “Can you explain more about this situation?” They construct better working relations: Instead of “Did you make your sales goal?” ask, “How have sales been going?” They help people think analytically and critically: “What are the consequences of going this route?” They inspire people to reflect and see things in fresh, unpredictable ways: “Why did this work?” They encourage breakthrough thinking: “Can that be done in any other way?” They challenge assumptions: “What do you think you will lose if you start sharing responsibility for the implementation process?” They create ownership of solutions: “Based on your experience, what do you suggest we do here?” Ask Good Questions: https://hbr.org/2009/05/real-leaders-ask.html
- What not to ask Marquardt points out that, contrary to the business truism “There are no bad questions,” several types of questions can have a negative effect on subordinates. Questions focused on why a person did not or cannot succeed force subordinates to take a defensive or reactive stance and strip them of their power. Such questions shut down opportunities for success and do not allow people to clarify misunderstandings or achieve goals. These questions include: Why are you behind schedule? What’s the problem with this project? Who isn’t keeping up? Don’t you know any better than that? Leading questions seek a specific answer, one that puts the person being asked the question in a negative light, pushes through the questioner’s agenda, or exerts social pressure to force agreement. Among their many downsides, leading questions such as the following inhibit direct reports from answering candidly and stifle honest discussion: You wanted to do it by yourself, didn’t you? Don’t you agree that John is the problem here? Everyone else on the team thinks John is the problem. What about you? While closed questions, which require specific answers, can be a good way to open and close a conversation, a whole string of them in a row, such as the following, will make subordinates feel they are being interrogated: Is this a good time to talk? What time is the meeting? How many people are coming? Who else will be there? When will the report be ready?
- What you say communicates only about half of what people hear. According to UCLA professor Albert Mehrabian, 55% of the message you convey comes from your body language. So, understanding a few basics body language moves and what they mean – can help you be feel more empathy, help you read what is going on, adjust your communication by listening or asking questions ….. And be more successful … I thought it might be fun to do a visual quiz – have you guess what the gesture might mean and how you might adjust ….
- http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 The shoulder shrug is a universal signal of not knowing what's going on. According to Barbara Pease and Allan Pease, authors of "The Definitive Book of Body Language," everybody does the shoulder shrug. The shrug is a "good example of a universal gesture that is used to show that a person doesn't know or doesn't understand what you are saying," they write. "It's a multiple gesture that has three main parts," they continue. "Exposed palms to show nothing is being concealed in the hands, hunched shoulders to protect the throat from attack, and raised brow, which is a universal, submissive greetin
- http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 The shoulder shrug is a universal signal of not knowing what's going on. According to Barbara Pease and Allan Pease, authors of "The Definitive Book of Body Language," everybody does the shoulder shrug. The shrug is a "good example of a universal gesture that is used to show that a person doesn't know or doesn't understand what you are saying," they write. "It's a multiple gesture that has three main parts," they continue. "Exposed palms to show nothing is being concealed in the hands, hunched shoulders to protect the throat from attack, and raised brow, which is a universal, submissive greetin
- http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 Crossed legs are usually a sign of resistance and low receptivity, and are a bad sign in a negotiation. Flickr/Art Comments Out of 2,000 negotiations videotaped by Gerard I. Nierenberg and Henry H. Calero, the authors of "How to Read a Person Like a Book," there wasn't a single settlement when one of the negotiators had their legs crossed. Psychologically, crossed legs signal that a person is mentally, emotionally, and physically closed off — which may mean they're less likely to budge in a negotiati
- http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 Crossed legs are usually a sign of resistance and low receptivity, and are a bad sign in a negotiation. Flickr/Art Comments Out of 2,000 negotiations videotaped by Gerard I. Nierenberg and Henry H. Calero, the authors of "How to Read a Person Like a Book," there wasn't a single settlement when one of the negotiators had their legs crossed. Psychologically, crossed legs signal that a person is mentally, emotionally, and physically closed off — which may mean they're less likely to budge in a negotiati
- http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 Raised eyebrows are often a sign of discomfort. Wikimedia Commons In the same way that real smiles shape the wrinkles around your eyes, University of Massachusetts professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne says worry, surprise, or fear can cause people to raise their eyebrows in discomfort.
- http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 Raised eyebrows are often a sign of discomfort. Wikimedia Commons In the same way that real smiles shape the wrinkles around your eyes, University of Massachusetts professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne says worry, surprise, or fear can cause people to raise their eyebrows in discomfort. So if someone compliments your new hairstyle or outfit with their eyebrows raised, it may not be sincere.
- http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 The tone of someone’s voice – how they say what they are saying is also considered body language ..
- http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-11?op=1 If their voice goes up or down, they're likely interested. Dell Inc./flickr Whether you know it or not, your vocal range shows your interest. Want to go deeper? https://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201106/how-read-people
- Good listeners fully understand what other people are saying. Their team members are also more productive, because they feel that they can discuss problems easily, and talk through solutions. Good listeners use reflective listening skills which is about focusing completely on what the other person or persons are saying and reflecting back what you heard without judgement Poor listeners "hear" what's being said, but they rarely "listen" to the whole message. They get distracted by their own thoughts or by what's going on around them, and they formulate their responses before the person they're talking to has finished speaking. Because of this, they miss crucial information. Emerging nonprofit leaders who engage in reflective listening are more likely to succeed. They communicate more effectively, stimulate new ideas, and apply what they hear to improve their team’s productivity and results.
- Reflective Listening Techniques Reflective listening is a technique that seeks to understand a speaker’s idea, then offers the idea back to the speaker, to confirm the idea has been understood correctly. Reflective listening skills are useful in all group settings, whether it is a team meeting, training, or interacting with co-workers and whether you are the facilitator or a participant. It’s a process: Full attention listening: Giving full focus and attention to the other person Looping: This is a short-hand term for “closing the loop on communication.” It is to verbally confirm what you heard from the other person and the other person confirming or clarifying. Dipping: This is checking in with yourself and to notice any internal distractions or feelings – not to judge them but be aware.
- You can practice these in one-on-one conversations and in team meetings, even if you are not a leader. These combine the skill of observing body language and using empowering questions with specific reflective listening techniques ….
- Whether you are leading the meeting or a participant, clear communication when you do speak is important. These techniques will help you when it is your turn to speak.