Estate Planning & Elder Law Firm Coaching

What got you here
Won’t get you there
How to choose a life you love
1 © 2014 Lawyers What Got You Here Won’t Get You There with Purpose, LLC

Intentions of the day
Create the possibility to choose a
life you love and live it NOW
© 2014 Lawyers 2 What Got You Here Won’t Get You There with Purpose, LLC

Agenda
8:00am – 9:45am Discussion/Work
9:45am – 10:00am Morning Break
10:00am – 11:45am Discussion/Work
11:45am – 1:00pm Lunch
1:00pm – 2:30pm Discussion/Work
2:30pm – 3:00pm End of Day Debrief

People don’t stumble on success;
they choose it!
Marshall Goldsmith
Author: “What Got You Here Won’t Get you There”

How did you get where you are
today?
Activity 1: Where am I?

Now that you know what
got you where you are,
where do you want to go?
What do you choose going forward?

Where were we just 21 months ago
when the WHY program started?

January 29, 2013
You must be what you want from the world
Mindset
§ Expectations/Leadership/Contribution
Skill Set
§ What is Blue?/MIFy™/Reflecting
Goal Set
§ Future Focuser/Monthly/Weekly/Daily

June 4, 2013
Whose perspective are you in?
How do you/others see the world?
§ Past experiences/habits/beliefs/bias
Whose Right?
§ Getting to “and”
§ WATT™ are they thinking
Conflict Resolution
§ GoDumb™

October 22, 2013
Why be in a why conversation?
Thinking vs. Declaring
§ Idea Focuser
Making ideas real requires action
§ Implementation Focuser
Progress vs. Transformation
§ WHY Formula: E2+I2=P3
E2 = Entrepreneur must envision & enroll
I2 = Infrastructure must be improving & impactful
P2 = Purpose; professionally, personally & profitably

February 7, 2014
Choices
R factor question
§ 3 year/retirement
DOS Analysis
§ Dangers/Opportunities/Strengths
Eradicating my destructive past
§ Choosing what stays and what goes

June 13, 2014
Becoming 360°
Goal setting
§ It’s not about the goal, it’s about who we become in the
process of getting there
§ Areas of life that drive or drain you

Today:
Choosing a future you love and living it now

Goal setting
• Identify new successes inherently set in the future.
• How do we derive the benefits of our goals in the
present?
• Beware of goal setting for the sake of goal setting.
It must be tied to your purpose!
• Beware of perfectionism; being so focused on
doing it perfectly (or a certain way) that you lose
sight of what it was intended to do!

Do you remember
The gap?
Concept of Dan Sullivan of Strategic Coach

MANY want to be “liked,” “Admired” &
“respected”
and act in a way they feel will get them these.
Distinction
You must focus on your “purpose”
If you do: you will be liked, admired and respected

What purpose (Success) do I seek and
how can I choose it rather than
Waiting for it occur (or not)
Decide vs. Choose

What’s the difference?
• “Decide”
• “Choose”
Past Based Closes off
Future Based Opens up
When you say them, how do you feel about what
comes after the word?
18 What Got You Here Won’t Get You There
© 2014 Lawyers with Purpose, LLC

You can’t “Decide” the future,
You can only “Choose” the future
Decide is limited to what you already know (past)
Choosing is limited to what you can imagine (future)
But all we ever have is now (present)

Everyone gets a past, a present and
a future. It’s what we do Now that
distinguishes us.

How can we choose a future we love
and derive the joys of it Now (in the
present)
Success and joy is not a destination,
it’s a manner of traveling

How most people operate
2. Trudge through past
or try to rid “pain” and
make present better
Past Present Future
1. Look to the past to
decide what needs to
be improved
No Access to Future
Something New

Freedom cycle – Dan Sullivan
3. Utilize effective past in
present to get to the
future you choose 1. Choose future
“Innovation”
Past Present Future
2. Decide what from the past will help
you get to the future you choose
5% of the world operates this way
23 What Got You Here Won’t Get You There
© 2014 Lawyers with Purpose, LLC

The present comes last.
You must first choose your future.
Then look to your past to decide
what to utilize in the present.

Let’s imagine a future not
limited by our past!
Activity #2: Beginning My Freedom Cycle

Now lets look to our past, to
decide what to focus on to help
create a future we can begin
living now (present)
Activity #3: Progress Focuser

Now that we have an idea of the
future we are creating, how do we
get there?
No man is an island.
-Thomas Merton

What got you here
wont get you there
Marshall Goldsmith
Hyperion, 2007

“One of the greatest mistakes of
successful people is the assumption:
I behave this way and I achieve
results, therefore I must be
achieving results, because I
behave this way”
Marshall Goldsmith

Success happens because of our
behavior and in spite of our
behavior, the key is to know
the difference
Marshall Goldsmith

Our success is dependent on…
• How we act – (What does the camera see?)
§ Do we need “approval of others?”
§ Do we need to “look good?”
§ Do we contribute to, withdraw from others?
• How we speak
§ Do we say “can’t,” but,” “why,” “problem”
§ Do we say “can,” “and,” “how,” “challenge”
“Successful people believe in themselves and their talents. They see the
good in every situation (even bad ones.) They see opportunities where
others see threats.” -Marshall Goldsmith

How do we act?
What are our habits?
We succeed by what we do
and…
what we don’t do

Goal: I need/want to be nicer
• Do:
§ Say please and thank you
§ Acknowledge people
§ Listen (MIfy™)
• Don’t do:
§ Interrupt
§ Be a jerk (short)
§ Put your needs first
§ Be late
How we speak

“That’s the funny thing about
stopping some behavior. It gets no
attention, but it can be as crucial as
everything else we do combined.”
Marshall Goldsmith

“as we advance in our careers,
behavioral changes are often
the only significant changes
we can make.”
Marshall Goldsmith

There are 20 destructive habits*
to our success/joy
* Work of Marshall Goldsmith

Destructive Habits
• Winning too much
§ The need to win at all costs and in all situations – when it
matters, when it doesn’t and when it’s totally beside the
point
• Adding too much value
§ The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every
discussion
• Passing judgment
§ The need to rate others and impose our standards on
them
• Speaking when angry
§ Using emotional volatility as a management tool

Destructive Habits
• Making destructive comments
§ The needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we
think make us sound sharp and witty
• Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However”
§ The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly
say to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.”
• Telling the world how smart we are
§ The need to show people we’re smarter than they think
we are
• An excessive need to be “me”
§ Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who
we are

Destructive Habits
• Negativity, or “Let me explain why it won’t work”
§ The need to share our negative thoughts even when we
weren’t asked
• Withholding information
§ The refusal to share information in order to maintain an
advantage over others
• Failing to give proper recognition
§ The inability to praise and reward
• Claiming credit that we don’t deserve
§ The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution
to any success

Destructive Habits
• Making excuses
§ The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a
permanent fixture so people excuse us for it
• Clinging to the past
§ The need to deflect blame away from ourselves an onto
events and people from our past
• Playing favorites
§ Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly
• Passing the buck
§ The need to blame everyone else but ourselves

Destructive Habits
• Refusing to express regret
§ The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit
we’re wrong or recognize how our actions affect others
• Not listening
§ The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for
colleagues
• Failing to express gratitude
§ The most basic form of bad manners
• Punishing the messenger
§ The misguided need to attack the innocent who are
usually only trying to help us

How do you score on
destructive habits?
Activity #4: Destructive Habits Self-Assessment

What would others say?
Activity #5: Destructive Habits 360° Assessment

What habits or ways of being
can you start (or stop) to support
a future you love?
Activity: Complete Insights on Assessments

Habits of successful (purposeful) people*
• Apologize
• Listen
• Say “thank you!”
*Based on excerpts from Goldsmith’s “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”

Apologizing is the “Magic Move” It
allows the past to be Closed
Your decision to leave a withdrawal from the past in the
past (not take it with you)

Listening Do’s
• Think before you speak
• Listen with Respect (MIfy™)
• Ask yourself “is it worth it?” (to speak)

Listening Don’ts
• Don’t interrupt (can’t listen if talking)
• Don’t finish others sentences
• Don’t say “I knew that”
• Don’t agree with other person (just say thank you)
• Don’t use “No,” “But,” or “However”
• Don’t be distracted (multitask or let eyes wander)
Are you disposed to listen? Let’s see?

One minute activity
• Close your eyes and count to fifty – without any
other thoughts coming into your mind
• If you get distracted, start at the last number you
remember saying
How far did you get?

• Who are you most grateful for (Living or deceased)
• Write down who comes to the top of your mind
Would they know you think it?
Thank you

What is your purpose?
What is your Passion?
What do you love to do?
Time goes by quickly when doing it.
It’s easy to you.
Others regularly comment on it.

We often focus on what we need
• I need to make $X
• I need to buy a house
• I need to…

Be careful; “need” is often a
“worthy” conversation that we feel
a need to “justify”
Any justification required holds you to your past

Need vs. Want
• Think of clients who hire/don’t hire you
§ The ones that need what you do often don’t hire you
§ The ones that want what you do are your favorite/best
clients

“Need” requires justification
“Want” requires value recognition
It’s all in your thoughts
Thoughts can imprison you

Our past (events/thoughts) that
hold us back can be eradicated
“Pastacide” – we must separate the pain from the past, by
identifying the lesson from it. Once identified, the pain
disappears (Dan Sullivan)

Beware of activities
devoid of energy!
High points in life relate to high energy activities
Low points in life relate to low energy activities

Most interactions in life are people
sharing the low energy activities
(Complaining/Judging/etc.)
Are you glued to the “news?”

Where we derive our energy is great
insight to our “Purpose”
Where we lose energy is great insight to what stops us from
the future we want

Let’s look at what gives us energy
and what takes our energy and
identify how to maximize our high
energy Activities
Activity #6: Present Focuser

Today, we focused on you.
Today is already the past
What do you choose for your future and what do you
decide to take from today (which examined your past and
identified the worthy parts), to your present to have the
future you seek?
Activity: What can I be now to assure
a future (and present) I love

Final Activity
My Four Month Focus

Final Debrief
First (10 minutes)
In groups of 3-5, share:
What I expected was…what I got was…
What stands out most from today was…
or
Share a general comment
Then (20 minutes)
Each group will share one (1) with the room
For this PowerPoint email kruss@lawyerswithpurpose.com

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