Our beliefs drive our behavior and eventually our identity. If you want to change how you parent, you must be willing to look at what you really believe & be willing to change those beliefs. So what do you believe about relating to others?

1. MAKING A HEART TO HEART
CONNECTION WITH YOUR KID

2. Session 2-Core Beliefs-Is it
Time for a Paradigm Shift?
 Session 1 Summary
 Overview-Beliefs are powerful!
 What do you believe?
 Lies We Believe
 Reframing our beliefs
 Keys to Shifting Paradigms

3. Session 1 Summary
 Golden Keys
 Love/Relationship
 Freedom
 Moving from external control to self-c0ntrol
 Choices
 Making good choices is like any other activity-It has to be
learned & practiced!
 Everything is a significant learning opportunity
 The challenge is to love kids enough to allow them to fail
and let the significant learning opportunities build our
kids.
 Mission Statement-What’s your bottom-line?

4. Beliefs Are Powerful
 What is belief?
 1. The mental act, condition, or habit of placing
trust or confidence in another.
 2. Mental acceptance of and conviction in the
truth, actuality, or validity of something
 3. Something believed or accepted as
true, especially a particular tenet or a body of
tenets accepted by a group of persons.
 The mental acceptance of a
concept, event, person, or thing as being
true.

5. Beliefs Are Powerful
 Beliefs are formed & influenced by
 Genetics
 Environment/Family
 Culture
 Faith
 Life Experiences - Good & Bad
 Beliefs are comprised of
 How & what I think about myself
 How & what I think about others
 How & what I think about the world

6. Beliefs Are Powerful
Our
Beliefs
Pure Reality
Lenses/Filters
• Past Experiences
• Culture
• Faith
• Values
• Character traits –genetic influences
In a way we are all looking at the world through colored lenses
and everyone has their own personal color for their glasses.

7. Beliefs Are Powerful
Our beliefs
will form
who we become…
our identity.

8. Beliefs Are Powerful-
Example
In the above example, even situations which others would find enjoyable and relaxing,
this person will experience it very differently and feel threatened by others.
• A look, word or gesture intended to be friendly and kind, may be interpreted as, “They don’t mean
it. They’re only trying to be nice because they pity me.”
• Their mind is interpreting the situation with the bias of “I’m vulnerable, others might hurt me, this
is dangerous, I’m useless and unlovable.”

9. The Mental Crusher
The Mental Crusher’ sits outside the entrance
to our belief system, and only allows
information or ‘evidence’ which fits with our
own belief system to enter.
Any contradictory evidence or information
(any shape other than a rectangle) is rejected,
or made to fit (crushed into a rectangle).
In the diagram, the explosion shape is about to
enter the Crusher. As it passes through
(shown by the arrow), it becomes a rectangle –
it’s been crushed and distorted to fit.
Therefore, our beliefs remain unchanged in
spite of apparently contradictory evidence
being out there.

10. What Do You Believe?
 About yourself? Describe yourself.
 What qualities do you possess?
 What characteristics do you have?
 Answer the following questions
 It is possible to control others.
 People want & need to feel powerful in order to survive (get their needs met.)
 Violence is power.
 Anger is power.
 Fear and intimidation are viable tools to use to control others.
 I can be controlled by others.
 I am responsible for controlling me.
 Do you believe you operate best when given freedom or when you are in a
controlled environment?
 How do you respond when others try to control you?
 What’s most important to you, relationship or obedience?
 How do you respond when loved ones make mistakes?
 How do you respond when people are angry with you?
 How do you respond when you are afraid?

11. What Do You Believe?
 About your kid?
 Describe your kid. How do you see your kids?
 What qualities or characteristics do your kids possess?
 Answer the following questions:
 Are you responsible for controlling your kids?
 Does your child operate best when they are given freedom or
when they are in a controlled environment?
 How does your child respond when others try to control them?
 What would your kid say is most important to you, relationship or
obedience?
 How does your child respond when they make a mistake?
 How does your child respond when others make a mistake?
 How does your child respond when you are angry?
 How do you respond when your child is angry?
 How do they respond when you are afraid?

12. Lies We Believe
Big Trucks and Little Trucks

13. Lies We Believe & The
Impact
The Disrespect Factory

14. Lies We Believe & The
Impact

15. Lies We Believe & The Truth
Lies We Believe The Truth
 Others can control me  Only you can control you
 I can control others  You can not control others
 Violence & anger are good  Violence & anger might get
tools to develop a you obedience, but it’s not
relationship building relationship.
 Fear is a good motivator to  Love is the greatest
develop a meaningful motivator to develop a
relationship meaningful relationship
 My identity is tied to my  You are a unique person &
kids performance so is your kid.

16. Reframing Our Beliefs
The Honor Factory

17. Reframing Our Beliefs
 As the parent you are responsible for creating the
Honor Factory in your home.
 Review your mission statement, does it need to be refined
or changed?
 Develop a strategy for implementing your mission
statement. Start with the following questions
 How can you show honor to your kids?
 Where are you willing to share power?
 What are some choices (significant learning opportunities) that
you can let your kids start making today?
 How will you choose to respond when your kid fails or makes a
mistake?
 How could you show love to your kids each day?
 Do you give your kids opportunities to practice self-control?
How?

18. Reframing Our Beliefs
 3 Messages your kids must receive from you
 I am loved unconditionally by you.
 I have the skills others my age need to be successful.
 I am capable of controlling me.
 Look at your kids with new lenses
 I am what I think you think I am.
 People respond best when we build on their strengths
 List out 5 positive strengths, qualities, character traits that you
see in each of your kids
 Look for ways to call out the treasure in each of them.
 Praise them when they make wise choices…even the smallest
triumphs should be celebrated!
 Be authentic & sincere

19. Keys to Shifting Paradigms
 You are the model & they are watching!
 You must control you, NO MATTER WHAT your
child is doing or has done.
 Your words have power
 Your behavior talks louder than your words
 Don’t give your self-control away to someone
else’s mistake.
 It takes real power to hold onto self-control in the
presence of disrespect, emotional outbursts & other
crisis.

20. Keys to Shifting Paradigms
Stop and Step Back from the situation, in your mind.
Don’t act immediately or automatically.
Take a Breath
Notice your breath as you breathe in and out.
Observe What am I thinking and feeling? Are the thoughts
descriptions or evaluations? Accurate or inaccurate? Helpful or
unhelpful? Is this thought fact or opinion?
Pull Back - Put in some Perspective
See the situation as an outside observer. Is there another way of looking at
it? What advice would I give to someone else? What meaning am I giving this
event for me to react in this way? How important is it right now, and will it be
in 6 months?
Practice what works
Play to your Principles and Values. Is it in keeping with my values and
principles? Will it be effective and appropriate? Is it in proportion to the event?

21. Keys to Shifting Paradigms
 Communicate
 Share your heart with your kids.
 Are there things you need to ask for forgiveness?
 Ask for forgiveness
 Share your parenting mission statement &
strategy with them. Ask them for their thoughts.
 Ask for them to partner with you in shifting from
the Disrespect Factory paradigm to the new
Honor paradigm
 Ask for their ideas