Social Lives and Social Responsibility Workshop

Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Social Life and Social Responsibility
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

About Seattle Girls’ School

Social Development
Joanne Deak
• Self Awareness (0-2)
• Parallel Play (2-3)
• Interactive Play (3-6)
• Transitory Friendships (6-8)
• Friendship Clusters (8-10)
• Best Friends or Generalists (10-12)
• Cliques (12-14)
• Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+)

You realize you like flavors with nuts in
them - pistachio, maple walnut, butter
pecan, almond mocha. It’s not that you
don’t like other flavors or don’t appreciate
differences - you just like these better.
Different than cliques – friendship clusters
are more accepting and more fluid. This
cluster doesn’t freak if bubble gum ice
cream approaches them in the lunch room.
These are the beginnings of real
friendships and relationships.
Friendship Clusters (8-10)

You realize that butter pecan is far away your favorite
flavor. Maple walnut comes pretty close, but nothing
else really compares. Your best friend is someone
you could spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with.
Several times, you’ve spent all day at school
together, you’ve gone home, and then you call your
friend right away. You start to understand how to act
in an intimate relationship.
But maybe you’re not built for a best friend.
Generalists never need this intimacy. If you are a
generalist, you are simply wired to appreciate all
flavors and keep social nets wide open.
Best Friends or Generalists (10-12)

You’re getting close to peers and drawing away
from adults. Your friends sometimes even
replace the stability offered by the anchor of
adults. In this confusing time, it’s sure nice being
surrounded by others that look alike, talk alike, or
act alike. You can ask your clique for advice,
advise others, report back outcomes and hear
about theirs. You feel safe in your clique’s
cocoon until, one day, you are strong enough
and independent enough to stand outside of the
group, or somewhat alone.
Cliques (12-14)

Your friends are based on shared interests,
passions, or philosophies. You can be genuine
friends with both boys and girls. Your groups are
non-exclusive, and you may belong to more than
one group. Some of your groups have cross-
over because of interest cross-over. This stage
feels like all the benefits of clusters and cliques
without the downside: acceptance, activity, and
social creativity, without insecurity, narrowness,
and meanness. You live in this social place for a
majority of your adult life.
Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+)

• What was new, interesting, or surprising?
• What stage(s) describe you today?
• How do these dynamics affect life here?
Debrief Conversations

Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• A natural, normal part
of life

When It’s Bullying
• Uneven Power
• Harm Intended
• Repetition
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not changing
behaviors
• NOT natural or normal

Direct Aggression
• Direct, Angry
Words
• Physical
Fights

Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression

Relational Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt relationships (or
threaten to hurt relationships) or make
someone feel not included or accepted.
Relational Aggression

Indirect Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt someone and but
you deny it somehow.
Indirect Aggression

Social Aggression
Social Aggression is when your
words/actions make someone feel bad
about themselves or feel like they’re
less popular in a group.

Unhealthy Conflict and
Bullying Hurts Everyone
• Folks Who Are
Targeted
• Folks who Engage
in Targeting
• Folks Who Stand By

• What was new, interesting, or surprising?
• What kinds of aggression do you express
or experience?
• How do these dynamics affect life here?
Debrief Conversations

When It’s Conflict…

D.E.A.R.
Conflict Advocacy

D.E.A.R.
• Describe what happened (without
judgment) using an I statement.
• Explain how it made you feel (on the
inside) or the impact the behavior had
on you.
• Affirm the other person or the
relationship (be authentic).
• Request a different course of action
(with respect).

VOMP
Conflict Negotiation

V.O.M.P.
• Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE
their feelings and experience of the conflict using “I”
statements. The other person LISTENS before sharing
their experience.
• Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in
the conflict. “Here’s my contribution to the mess.”
• Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other
person’s shoes and tries to see the conflict from the
other person’s perspective.
• Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for
moving forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen
again? What will we do differently next time?

When It’s Bullying…

Bullying Intervention
• Know when it is
bullying
• Tell them to stop the
behavior
• Seek healthy
support
• Tell an adult

Bystander to Upstander
• Speak up when someone else is being bullied
• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that
assumption make you silent
• Ask questions
• Don’t make the person who is bullying into
someone who is getting targeted
• Actively include those who are easily left out
• If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an
adult at school or at home
• Keep the climate healthy

Taking it Digital
• No Digital Conflicts!
• The Face Test – would you say it to their face?
• The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast?
• The Digital Self – are you the same person online?

Going Forward

Questions and Comments

Presenter Information
Outreach Specialist
1700 24th Ave S
Seattle, WA 98144
(206) 451-5233
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee

Presenter Information
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee

Social Lives and Social Responsibility Workshop

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