2014 MARCH #BookCLUB summary of "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary D Chapman @LoveLearningNOW

1. The 5 Love Languages:
The Secret to Love that Lasts
2014 MARCH #BookCLUB
Love Learning Empowerment

2. BOOK REVIEW
“A must read for anyone interested in having
a loving relationship! Practical, informative,
and filled with wisdom. Gary Chapman has a
true gift.”
Love Learning Empowerment

3. How is your “love tank?”
• Needing to be loved is a birth right.
• Every child is born with an “emotional tank” that
needs to be filled with love.
• “Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by
the cravings of an empty love tank.”
• Just like children, adults crave and seek love— often
substituting toxins in order to fill their love tank.

4. In-Love versus Love
• “The eternality of the in-love experience is fiction, not fact.”
• In-love is a type of high a temporary obsession.
• According to Dr. Dorothy Tennov, “the average life span of a
romantic obsession is 2 years.” But a secretive affair may last a
little longer.
• “Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be
genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of
reason and choice, not instinct.”

5. Love versus In-Love
• “True love cannot begin until the in-love experience
has run its course.”
• Real love with a partner is a love that unites reason and
emotion; it involves an act of the will, requires
discipline and personal growth.
• “We needed love before we ‘fell in love,’ and we will
need it as long as we live.”
• To be emotionally healthy our need for love must be
met.

6. Is love a choice?
“If love is a choice, then [you] have the capacity to love
after the ‘in-love’ obsession has died and [you] have returned to the real world.
That kind of love begins with an attitude– a way of thinking.
Then the one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision.”

7. Wisdom Insights
• Whatever the quality of your relationship, it can always
be better.
• Security in a relationship is established when we know
our mate accepts us, wants us and is committed to our
well-being.
• Becoming “one flesh” does not mean loosing ones
identity, rather it means individuals enter each others
lives in a deep and intimate way.
• “According to a substantial body of research, the
divorce rate for second marriages is at least 60% and
rises when children are involved.”

8. The 5 Love Languages
Love
Languages
Words of
Affirmation
Quality
Time
Receiving
Gifts
Acts of
Service
Physical
Touch
Discovering your partners primary love language can make your efforts at love productive.

9. Words of Affirmation
• King Solomon, the wisest known historical figure, wrote
“The tongue has the power of life and death.”
• “Many couples have never learned the tremendous power
of verbally affirming each other.”
• “Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are
powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed
in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation.”
• Verbal compliments motivate, nagging creates resistance.
• Express love not rejection or condemnation.
• Affirmation waters our untapped potential.

10. Forgiveness Affirms
• “Sometimes our words say one thing, but our tone of
voice says another.”
• Forgiveness is the way of love.
• “If I choose to forgive, intimacy can be restored.”
• “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.”
• “You are not a failure because you have failed.”
• “Many individuals mess up every new day with
yesterday.”

11. Quality Time
• Offer your undivided attention.
• Some relationships “think they are spending time together
when, in reality, they are only living in close proximity.”
• Quality conversation is a necessity.
• Quality dialog is when “two individuals are sharing their
experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly,
uninterrupted context.”
• “Quality activities may include anything in which one or
both of you have an interest. The emphasis is not on what
you are doing but on why you are doing it.”

12. How well do you listen?
“Learning to listen may be as difficult as learning a foreign language,
but learn we must, if we want to communicate love.”

13. Healthy Relationship
MINIMUM DAILY REQUIREMENTS:
“Establish a daily sharing time in which each
of you will talk about (3) things that happened
to you that day and how you feel about
them.”

14. Receiving Gifts
• Global ethnographic anthropology finds a cultural
pattern of gift giving as a part of the love process.
• “From early years, children are inclined to give gifts to
their parents, which many be another indication that
gift giving is fundamental to love.”
• Gifts are visual symbols of love. Symbols have
emotional value.
• Purchasing gifts for a partner with this particular love
language is an investment into their love tank.

15. Presence is a Gift
• The gift of presence is being there when your partner
needs you.
• Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful
gift you can gift to a partner with this particular love
language.
• “Your body becomes the symbol of your love.”
• “Material things are no replacement for human, emotional
love.”
• “Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why
solitary confinement is considered the cruelest
punishment.”

17. Acts of Service
• Doing things you know your partner would like you to do.
• You seek to please your partner by serving them as an act
of love.
• They “require thought, planning, time, effort and energy.” If
done with a positive attitude they are expressions of love.
• “Love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Criticism and
demands tend to drive wedges.”
• “Criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love.”
• It is not manipulation by gift or coercion by fear.

18. Service Requires Reflection
• “Learning the love language of acts of service will
require some of us to reexamine our stereotypes
of the roles of husbands and wives.”
• What are your gender expectations associated
with being a woman or being a man?
• Treating your partner as an object precludes the
possibility of love.
• Love says, “I love you too much to let you treat
me this way. It is not good for you or me.”

19. Physical Touch
• “Research of child development conclude: Babies who are held,
hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those
who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.”
• “All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of
social greeting.”
• “Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating
marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual
intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love.”
• “If sexual intercourse is your mate’s primary dialect, reading
about and discussing the art of sexual lovemaking will enhance
your expression of love.”

20. Pleasure and Pain
• “Coming up with new ways and places to touch can be
an exciting challenge.”
• For the partner with physical touch as their primary
love language, “To touch my body is to touch me. To
withdraw from my body is to distance yourself from me
emotionally.”
• “Our bodies are for touching, but not for abuse.”
• A wife says, “He ignores me all day long and then
wants to jump in bed with me. I hate it.” She is not a
wife who hates sex; she is a wife desperately pleading
for emotional love.

21. Wisdom Insights
• “Love is a choice. And either partner can start the
process today.”
• “Love is not our only emotional need.
Psychologists have observed that among our
basic needs are the need for: security, self-worth,
and significance. Love, however interfaces with
all of these.”
• “True love always liberates.”

22. Create Play Time!
TANK CHECK
On a scale of 0-10, how is your love tank tonight?
0 = Empty 10 =Full of love and
can’t handle anymore
What can I do to fill it?

23. The 5 Love Languages
Love
Languages
Words of
Affirmation
Quality
Time
Receiving
Gifts
Acts of
Service
Physical
Touch
Discovering your partners primary love language can make your efforts at love productive.

24. Discover Your Love Language
TAKE THE QUIZ!
www.5lovelanguages.com

25. The 5 Love Languages:
The Secret to Love that Lasts
Discover how to love today!
Love Learning Empowerment

26. ENJOY!
Want to join our 2014 #BookCLUB?